


Some Things Last

by pherryt, rw_eaden



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Jimmy, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Biphobia, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexual Erasure, Bisexual Jimmy Novak, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Chocolate, Chuck is a dick, DCJ Big Bang, DCJ Big Bang 2017, Daycare Worker Dean, Drinking, Drunken Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Gay Castiel, Homophobia, Incest, Infidelity, Invasion of Privacy, Love Confessions, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Matchmaker Dean, Mentions of Jimmy/Others, Minor Balthazar/Meg, Minor Becky Rosen/Metatron, Minor Character Death, Minor Chuck Shurley/Naomi, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Minor Michael/Hael, Multi, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Underage Sex, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Professor Castiel, Rimming, Secrets, Self-Destructive Behavior, Self-Esteem Issues, Sibling Incest, Single Parent Jimmy, Single Parents, Slow Burn, Smoking, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean, Switch Jimmy, Thoughts of Self-harm, Threesome - M/M/M, Twincest, mentions of Cas/Others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-03 15:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 61,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10969686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rw_eaden/pseuds/rw_eaden
Summary: Jimmy Novak had nearly everything he’d ever wanted; a decent job, a beautiful daughter, and a boyfriend he adored. But his father’s sudden death threatens to destroy the things he holds most dear when he’s forced to come face-to-face with his past and the one person he never wanted to have to face again: his brother.Castiel Novak had been managing life just fine. It hadn’t been going the way he’d expected, but still, things were fine. That was of course until his father died and he was back in the same room as his twin brother, Jimmy, and all that managing was a little harder to do. Between his brother, his memories, and his brother's gorgeous new boyfriend, Castiel was fairly certain it’s only a matter of time before something snaps.Dean Winchester thought he’d had things relatively figured out. He was in love and more than ready to take the next step with his boyfriend, until he found out about that twin brother his boyfriend had never mentioned. There’s some kind of damage between the two of them, shaking Jimmy up and messing with his head. Dean is determined to find out what and hopefully fix it. Now all he has to do is figure it out and not fall for the wrong twin in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So. Holy Mega Bang, Batman!  
>   
> I really didn’t think I’d get this far with this fic, to be honest, but, here I am. I really want to say thank you to every single person who listened to my whining about this little beastie and especially my cheerleader, Tori, my beta/cheerleader/bad influence, Stacey, and my artist, Nikki, who kicks so much ass.  
>   
> Also, thank you to the DCJ mods. Unforth, FormidablePassion, and Jhoom, you guys are fucking amazing and I love each of you.  
>   
> So, some shit I gotta clarify so y’all can have a good reading experience. Each chapter will have warnings because some of them deal with heavier shit than others.  
> Anxiety and panic attacks deal kinda heavily into this fic and it’s based off my own experience with anxiety and very intense panic. Chapters that feature panic attacks to have warnings, though.  
>   
> There are also mentions of other relationships that Dean, Cas, and Jimmy have had. I haven’t bothered to tag all of those because honestly, I don’t remember them all. Only Dean/Lisa and Jimmy/Amelia is discussed in any detail and thus that’s why they’re tagged. Dean/Lisa is not gone into detail too much, so you can skip it when it comes up if you really want but it does play into why Dean reacts the way he does to [spoiler-y things] so you’ll miss out on the insight. Jimmy/Amelia is kind of a big deal to Jimmy and to the way he reacts to stuff, so, again, you can skim every mention of it but you’re gonna miss out on motivation and backstory.  
>   
> Child abuse and childhood trauma are briefly touched on. Basically, Chuck is a huge asshole and I think it’s fair to say what happens to Jimmy counts as traumatic. (At least enough that it still stings and makes him hate his father.) The child abuse is about Jimmy and Cas. It’s neglect and emotional abuse. Claire and Henry (Sam and Eileen’s kiddo) are fine. They’re very loved and cared for, so there is no ongoing abuse in the fic.  
> These characters make stupid choices. Like, really stupid choices. Choices that some of you might say “Yeah, no, sorry I can’t read a fic where a character blatantly [insert spoiler-y thing] like that.” That’s totally fine. If it makes you feel better, the choices these characters make (the bad, dumb ones) are addressed by the characters themselves. I’ll go into more detail when those specific things happen and I’ll discuss it in the end notes, as well. If you can’t keep reading because of the choices these characters make, that’s totally fine. I respect that decision 100% and you don’t even have to tell me you don’t wanna continue if you don’t want to.  
> Regarding the infidelity tag: I'll let you know right now that it's a make-out session. It doesn't progress further than that.  
> It does, however, bear a lot on the plot and it's addressed by characters later on in the story. Also, it's imo, not the worst thing anyone does in this fic (though it's still bad) and the characters all screw up here. So, maybe that makes it better, maybe it doesn't. You're just gonna have to trust me. :)  
>   
> And, of course, Cas and Jimmy are twins. That’s kind of a huge deal in the fic. If you’re not interested in reading about Cas and Jimmy’s incestuous relationship this isn’t the fic for you.  
>   
> And last but not least, some funny stuff. I’m not from Ohio. I know basically jack shit about Ohio. I hear it has corn, though. The reason I picked Ohio as the setting is that, no shit, it’s not illegal to have sex with your siblings in Ohio. Also, same thing with New Jersey and I think one other state, but I’m not setting my fic in Jersey. (No offense to anyone from Jersey, I have relatives there. I hear it’s got great seafood.) So, you know, that’s on my google search history now. Have fun with that NSA dudes! Jimmy’s a CPA. I had attempted to do more research on what a CPA does and stuff like that, but as I started reading about accounting I could feel my soul leaving my body so I gave up on that. My idea was that Jimmy was a math major with a minor in economics and decided to do the CPA thing after he realized he didn’t want to do space stuff (Ohio also has space stuff) or become a professor. Amelia went into childhood development so she could work with children who have learning disabilities. Cas went into History and eventually made a career out of being a huge nerd and became a professor. Dean went into childhood development and eventually wants to get his master’s in education so he can teach in high schools. (Jimmy’s got a type, okay?)  
> Also, I'm a huge dork so there are jokes and references in here I made to amuse myself. Bonus points to you if you catch them. :)  
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Chapter One Warnings  
> **  
>  Car accidents and referenced character death in this chapter

 

 

It was 4:13 in the morning. Jimmy has been tossing and turning in his bed for the past few hours, pissed off and unable to shut down the sick sense of dread sitting heavy in his stomach. He’d already been up half a dozen times in the past two hours to check on Claire and each time she had been sleeping silently in her bed, thumb planted firmly in her mouth. He considered getting up to check on her one more time, but decided against it, tucking himself back under his comforter and rolling to his side.

He didn’t like to think of himself as a superstitious man; he didn’t believe in curses or fate or ghosts or any of those kinds of things, but there were times when he almost believed in psychic nonsense. When Cas had appendicitis, he knew. He felt it, too, so much so that the school nurse had advised his father to take them both to the ER. The doctors chalked it up to some freaky twin thing, but it wasn’t just Cas. The day Amelia died he knew. Even though she’d moved out and they hadn’t spoken for more than a week, he knew. He could feel it. And right now, there was something going on, he just couldn’t figure out what it was. He was tempted to text Dean. He’d barely been able to resist a few times, but each time he typed out a message he deleted it. It had been a long day. Claire had been fussier than usual and Dean had had to cancel their lunch date. And work was going to be an absolute bitch in the morning. He was already stressing about tax season and the influx of people asking the most basic and annoying questions, expecting him to be able to just find them deductions. The morning was going to be hell, even more so if he didn’t at least get an hour or two of sleep.

It was 4:37 when his phone went off. He didn’t even look at it before answering.

“Hello?”

“Jimmy, there’s been an accident.” It was his aunt Amara.

He shot up in bed, a chill racing through his body and settling in his guts.

“What? What happened?”

“It’s your father. There…there was an accident. You need to get here as soon as possible. We’re at Northwest Memorial in Chicago.”

Jimmy probably said something in response. He knew he took down the address. He said he’d be there, and he called his boss and took a week off. What he didn’t know was how he did all of those things, what he said, or how he managed to get dressed and half packed. He hadn’t even snapped that he was moving until Dean’s groggy voice rumbled over the line.

“Hello?” He sounded more asleep than conscious.

“Dean.”

“Jimmy, what’s wrong?” He suddenly sounded much more awake than he had just a moment before.

“Dean, it’s my dad. He’s in the hospital and I need to get there as soon as possible.”

“Shit, is it bad?”

“It sounds bad.”

“Okay, hang on,” there was rustling and banging around on the other end of the line, “I can get there in about fifteen minutes. Where are we headed?”

“Dean, you don’t need…”

“Bullshit, babe. I’m here for you. If you want me to go with you I’ll be there for you.”

“He’s in Chicago.”

“Okay, I’ll see you there in fifteen, twenty, tops. Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Jimmy had a bag packed for himself and Claire by the time Dean showed up. He left a key under the doormat and set a reminder for himself to call his neighbor Charlie to pick up the mail while he was gone. Claire didn’t fuss much when they moved her from her bed to the car seat; she was much too excited to see Dean. They coaxed her back to sleep, promising that Dean would still be there when she woke up in the morning. Dean insisted on driving the SUV, which Jimmy was fine with. He may not have been able to fall asleep the whole drive, but that didn’t mean he trusted himself behind the wheel.

The morning came while Jimmy was staring out the passenger’s side window, his mind a foggy mix of disjointed thoughts and emotions. How many years had he wished the old man dead and now it was almost happening? He was just bitching to Dean the other day about how much he hated his father and now the old man was in the hospital. Was this a karmic thing? He didn’t actually do anything, sure, but, the universe had a way of doing this kind of thing. He wished he hadn’t quit smoking three years before.

Claire woke up and started chattering at around 9 am. It was a good thing, too, because they crossed the city limits when she started asking where they were and what was for breakfast. They pulled into a Denny’s just off the highway and got themselves something to eat. Jimmy explained to her that Grandpa Charles was sick and they were going to go see him in the hospital. He didn’t bother with the details he didn’t have. She was satisfied and when back to stuffing chocolate pancakes into her mouth.

The trauma ICU was on the second floor of Northwest Memorial. A dozen or so people were crowded together near the south entry doors, among them his Aunt Amara. She was wearing a black gown, because she was expecting to mourn or because she had a weird aversion to pants he didn’t know, but she wrapped her arms around him when she saw him approach. It had been forever since he hugged his Aunt, and he had forgotten how crushing her hugs were.

Other family members came up to him, hugging him without saying much. Amara said they hadn’t been told much, but she’d been in to see him. It was a car accident. He veered off the road and crashed into a concrete barrier. He wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

Claire was popular with all the relatives, who distracted themselves with playing  got-your-nose and listening to her chatter about whatever caught her attention. No one had said anything about Dean yet, but they did introduce themselves and reciprocate when he offered his hand for handshakes and his arms for hugs.

His cousin Michael offered to take him downstairs for coffee sometime after 11 am, which he wholeheartedly agreed to. The whole air of the waiting area was oppressive. There were too many people, too much noise, too many tears, and it made him want to crawl out of his own skin.

He saw his own reflection in the silver doors of the elevator while they waited. He looked tired and worn already, his eyes bloodshot and hair a mess of dark spikes. He had already been up for more than twenty-four hours at this point, and it didn’t look like that was going to end soon. He sighed and Michael gave him a weary smile.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. There, standing in front of him were the same crystal blue eyes as his own, same tight-lipped, grimace, same wild hair. In front of him was the man he’d been trying to avoid for the past seven years of his life.

“Cas?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Two Warnings  
> **  
>  Jimmy/Amelia is pretty prominent in this chapter. Also, mentions of Jimmy/others and Cas/others.  
> Chuck’s dickish dad behavior is also mentioned.  
> Bi-earsure kinda.  
> Panic attacks and anxiety depicted.  
> Homophobia mentioned.

 

 

Fall had always been Jimmy’s favorite season. For one, it meant the start of school, and as much as he was loathe to admit it, Jimmy was a bit of a nerd. Granted, anyone who majored in accounting was probably deserving of the title of nerd, but he liked to project a much cooler image. He wasn’t the kind of guy to spend his weekends locked away in his bedroom with a textbook as company, he would much prefer to spend it in a bar or between the sheets, but preferably both. But fall meant the start of school, which meant studying and lectures, yes, but it also meant all sorts of new people to meet and clubs he wouldn’t join giving away free shit.

That’s how he met Amelia.

It was the first week of classes, which meant all kinds of student groups were out in force. They were set up all over campus with brochures and pamphlets and candy and coupons and sales pitches. He allowed himself a little time in between his first two classes of the day to wander around. He was headed to the Methodist Student Bible Study Group because they gave out Jolly Ranchers for correct answers in Bible trivia (suddenly that religious studies class wasn’t a waste) when a voice called his name.

“Novak! You’re not going gay for Jesus on us, are you?”

Jimmy turned around to find Balthazar Roche leaning over a table across from the bible study group, lollipop pushed to the inside of one cheek.

“Psssshhh. You should know me better than that by now, Balth.” He sauntered over to the table, “As if I could ever leave you.” He winked and flashed his best seductive smirk.

Balthazar just snorted. “Please, Jim, I’m out of your league.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “So how’d you get roped into,” he glanced down at the table cloth, “youth outreach and mentorship?” He practically cackled the last part. “Seriously, Balth, you’re a mentor for kids? What could you possibly teach them, how to flirt with cops and get out of speeding tickets?”

“That only happened twice,” Balth scoffed, “besides, I can be a great mentor. I can teach the kids all kinds of useful things, for instance, how to use pastry to win friends and influence dates.”

Jimmy cocked an eyebrow and Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Is it really so hard to believe that I’m looking out for the kids?”

Jimmy snorted.

“Alright, fine,” Balthazar leaned over the table and spoke in a harsh whisper, “There are very hot education majors here and nothing endears you more to these fine ladies and gentlemen than volunteering for the kids,” Balth said.

“Never would have pegged you for the desperate type, Balth.”

“I’m not! Honestly, I swear. But Meg’s been giving me the run around forever and she’s doing this so I thought - ”

“You thought maybe she’d start paying attention to you if you pretended to care about the children.”

“Hey! I do care about kids. I just also care about getting to know Meg. In a semi-Biblical way.”

Jimmy shook his head. “Well, it’s not the dumbest thing you’ve ever done for a woman, so I’ll give you that.”

“Who’s your friend, Balthazar?” A soft voice came from behind him and Balthazar turned to step out of the way. Behind his stood a woman barely taller than himself, long blonde hair draped over her shoulders in soft curls. She smiled, and Jimmy’s heart dropped into his stomach. Their eyes met, and she stopped sliding her backpack off her shoulders. The two of them just stood there for a moment like deer caught in the headlights.

“This is Jimmy,” Balthazar said, breaking the trance between the two of them, “Jimmy, this is Amy.”

“Amelia,” she said, sticking her hand out for him to shake. “I’m not one for nicknames, really.”

“Hi,” Jimmy said, still a little flabbergasted as he took her hand in his. Rather than shake it, he bent down and placed a small kiss on her soft skin, keeping eye contact the whole time.

She was a little startled, her eyes widening a fraction of an inch as she pulled in a sharp breath. She pulled her hand back slowly, and again neither of them said anything.

Balthazar snorted, smug smile splayed across his lips. “Amelia, why don’t you tell Jimmy all about the mentoring. I’ve got a chem lab to get to,” he said, pulling his bag out from under the table. He gave Jimmy a devious little waggle of his eyebrows before sauntering off in the opposite direction. Jimmy desperately wanted to smack him.

“So, um, did you want to hear about the youth outreach program at the university?” Amelia asked, her lashes fluttering over big brown eyes.

Jimmy’s phone buzzed in his pocket, signaling the alarm he’d set for himself so he wouldn’t be late for the macroeconomics course he was supposed to get to. He slipped his hand into his pocket and dismissed the alarm. “Yeah, sure, tell me all about it,” he said.

Jimmy was about twenty minutes late to his macro econ class. The professor rolled his eyes when he slid in and plopped down into one of the empty desks towards the back of the class, but continued to go over the syllabus. It was definitely not the impression he was hoping to make the first day of class, but he didn’t really care. At the bottom of the brochure, Amelia had given him was her number, scribbled in blue ink and the instructions to “call if he had any questions”. He smiled to himself for the remainder of the class.

* * *

 

Jimmy made it back to his dorm room in the late afternoon. The sun was still out and shining, as early September didn’t tend to get dark until at least after seven. He dropped his stuff off by the door and kicked his shoes under his desk, flopping down on the red beanbag chair in the corner. His brother Cas was sitting cross-legged on his own bed, highlighter cap between his teeth.

“Are you studying for shit already?” Jimmy asked.

“No. Just highlighting test days,” Cas slurred around the marker cap.

“You know, every year I think, this is going to be the year Cas is going to chill out a little. This is the year he’s going to wait until after the first week before he starts color coding his assignment schedule for the entire semester. And every year you disappoint me.”

“Fuck off,” Cas slurred.

“Sorry, what was that?”

Cas pulled the cap out of his mouth, wiping his drool away with the back of his hand. “I have a system and it works. If you don’t like it, you can come up with your own organization and shut up when you forget about your projects until the night before they’re due.”

Jimmy shook his head. “All I’m saying is you could wait a few days. Maybe get a nap in the first few days. Or, god forbid, have a little fun.”

“I have fun. I just get my work done first.”

“Nerd.”

“Jackass.”

Jimmy snorted, sinking deeper into the beanbag chair. “So, you like your classes this time?”

“Hopefully. Shakespeare professor seems like a dick but you can’t win them all.”

“It’s Baar, right?”

“Yup.”

“Yeah, he’s a dick. You gotta agree with him or he takes points off your essays.”

“Wonderful.”

“He’s old. I think after a certain age all the professors just get tired of thinking so they just expect you to remember what they said so they can grade you without having to evaluate your arguments.”

Cas hummed in agreement and went back to flipping through syllabi, highlighting whatever important things he thought he’d need to be aware of. After another ten minutes, he cleared his throat and looked at Jimmy expectantly.

“What?”

“Give me yours now.”

“Why?”

“Because we both know if it’s left up to you it won’t get done and I don’t want to hear you bitch about it later in the semester.”

“We both know a little yellow ink is not going to stop me from bitching about anything.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Just give them to me.”

“But I just sat down.”

“James, I swear.”

Jimmy huffed and stuck his tongue out at Cas before pulling himself out of the beanbag chair with an overdramatic huff. He pulled the handful of papers out of his backpack and dropped them in Cas’s lap before plopping back down into the chair, legs spread out in front of him.

He was dozing a bit when Cas spoke again, “What this?”

Jimmy opened an eye to see the pamphlet Cas was holding up. He shrugged.

“Really? Cause it looks like there’s someone’s phone number written on it.”

Jimmy jumped up, rushing towards the stilted bed where Cas sat. “Oh! Yeah, I got a girl’s phone number,” he said, smiling.

Cas raised his eyebrow, “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy said, snatching the pamphlet out of his hand. “She was into me.”

“Are you gonna ask her on a date?”

“That’s usually what one intends when one get someone else’s phone number, doofus.”

Cas frowned. “When’s the last time you went out on a date?”

“Do pizza Thursdays with you count?”

“A date other people would assume was a date.”

Jimmy shrugged. “I dunno. Actually, you know I don’t think I’ve done the whole date thing since high school. Most of my dates are party hookups. Or you.”

“Hookups aren’t dates,” Cas said, going back to his highlighting. “Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“Please,” Jimmy scoffed. “You’ve met me, right? I’m charming.”

Cas rolled his eyes, but there was a slight upturn at the corners of his mouth. “If you say so.”

“Besides I’ll probably just ask her to get coffee. Coffee is less pressure than like, dancing or dinner.”

“Coffee is dangerous,” Cas said.

“How’s that?”

“You take her to coffee she’ll think you’re a respectable guy.”

Jimmy snorted, but Cas continued. “And she might think you’re one of those respectable guys she can take home to her mother. And then she’ll start talking about baby names.”

Jimmy scoffed. “Cas, I haven’t even called her yet. Don’t get carried away. At the most, we’ll go out a few times, roll around on her mattress and part as friends when some future lawyer comes along and catches her eye.”

Cas said nothing, instead opting for that sharp, uncomfortable stare that dug under Jimmy’s skin and made him shiver.

“What?”

“All I’m saying is this isn’t your usual style. You’re not the kind who dates. She must be really special if you’re thinking about taking her to coffee and not the backseat of that stupid Camry.”

Jimmy sat up a little straighter, taking in his brother where he was sitting on his bed. He was hunched over his papers, legs crossed underneath himself, shoulders drawn up tight. He twirled the pen between his first two fingers, eyes not leaving the page.

“Oh,” Jimmy said slowly, “I get it, you’re jealous.”

Cas’s head popped up so quick Jimmy was worried he was going to pull a muscle. “I am not.”

Jimmy smiled, stretching out on the beanbag chair like a sleepy cat. “Yes, you are. Cassie is jealous.”

Cas narrowed his eyes, setting the pen down on the bed next to him. It really was almost too easy to rile his brother up, but Jimmy enjoyed the hell out of it. Cas was a bit possessive, but a possessive Cas was a sexy Cas and it usually meant Jimmy was about to get laid.

“I’m not jealous. I just think it’s a little peculiar, is all.”

“Right, because me going on dates means me getting laid while you’re not there.”

“You know I don’t care about that,” Cas huffed.

“Which is why I usually wind up getting fucked into the nearest flat surface less than twenty-four hours after I get it on with anyone else.”

Cas frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve never complained about it before. But maybe I should just stop doing it then.” He raised his eyebrow again, his chest puffing ever so slightly in the way Jimmy had come to know as a challenge.

He was barely able to keep back his smirk as he said, “If you think you can manage that, go right on ahead.”

Cas’s eyes widened and he climbed off the bed, his feet hitting the floor with a dull thud. “I don’t think it’s me that’ll be the one with the issue. If I know you, and I do, you’ll be begging for my cock by the end of the twenty-four-hour mark.”

Cas loomed over him, and Jimmy didn’t even try to hide the lazy smile that splayed across his lips. “That so?”

Cas shifted, standing with his legs strode over Jimmy’s thighs. Jimmy licked his lips, letting his eyes travel up his brother’s thick thighs and tapered waist. “Absolutely.” He reached a hand up, letting his fingertips skim over the fabric covering Cas’s calves and the back of his thighs.

Cas dropped, jostling Jimmy on the beanbag, his knees bracketing Jimmy’s hips. They leaned into each other, lips meeting in the middle for several insistent kisses. Jimmy’s hands skimmed up Cas’s sides, drifting up towards his shoulders as he pulled his brother down closer. Cas nipped at Jimmy’s lips, tugging and licking up but not bothering to slip his tongue inside. It was a habit of Cas’s that drove Jimmy crazy, sometimes in a good way but more often than not it just frustrated the hell out of him.

Jimmy fisted his hand in the back of Cas’s hair, pulling him closer so he could pull away after his taunting little bites. Cas pressed his body into Jimmy’s, dragging his hips against Jimmy’s as he finally drove his tongue in. Jimmy groaned, returning the favor. It didn’t take much for the two of them to wind each other up with insistent kisses broken only so that one or the other could nip and kiss and groan into the other’s neck.

Jimmy had just let his hands fall off Cas’s back, intending to pop the button on Cas’s jeans when Cas pulled away, rising to his feet and walking away as if he wasn’t sporting an erection.

“What the fuck, dude?” Jimmy squawked, sitting himself up on his elbows.

Cas chuckled, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “I have a lab in fifteen minutes,” he said, holding the screen up for Jimmy to see.

Jimmy huffed and fell back, staring up at the ceiling. “So? That’s fifteen minutes. You can be a little late.”

“I’d prefer not to be.”

“You’re just gonna leave me hanging?”

Cas chuckled. “Good things come to those who wait, Jimmy.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you, too,” Cas said. The door clicked open and there was rustling from Cas’s side of the room. “I’ll be back in two hours.”

Jimmy groaned. “You’re a monster,” he said.

Cas laughed. The door clicked again and Cas was out of the room.

* * *

 

It was a few days after the first snowfall of the season that Jimmy realized he was in trouble. Ever since he was seventeen years old he and Cas had been a couple. Well, maybe couple wasn’t exactly the right word. It was… complicated to say the least. Their mother had died before either of them were old enough to know what she looked like and they had been stuck with their alcoholic father as sole guardian. He wasn’t abusive all the time, more than anything he was just neglectful, content to spend his life at his desk with a bottle or two of Jack and his fictional babies while his real children were left to fend for themselves.

Cas had been older by seven minutes, so he naturally took the role of older brother, attempting to provide for both of them in the best way he knew how. Which for most of their lives meant he made the mac and cheese and hot dogs the two of the lived off and did the laundry. Most kids their age would have enjoyed having parents who weren’t always breathing down their necks, pestering them about grades or who they were dating, or whatever else parents were supposed to care about, but for Cas and Jimmy, it was horribly lonely. Cas did well in school. Jimmy would have if he cared, but what was the point of getting straight A’s when there was no one who’d give a damn? He knew the material and he passed his classes, so that was good enough. While Cas focused on school and homework and keeping the house relatively clean, Jimmy focused on whatever he wanted, and most of the time that amounted to girls and boys. At least that was until he got caught kissing a boy behind the bleachers and his father was forced to drag his ass out of the house and pick him up because, apparently, kissing boys was an expellable offense. His father was disappointed and disgusted and threw him in therapy, demanding that the therapist “fix him”. Cas was the only person who didn’t give a shit that Jimmy liked boys just as much, if not a little more than girls.

After twelves sessions with a therapist and a promise to his father that Jimmy would never kiss another boy again, things went back to normal. Or as normal as they could be when you’d been forcibly outed to everyone in your old school, lost all your fricken friends and were the “weird new kid with a mysterious backstory” at school. Jimmy’s only solace was his brother, and he clung to him harder than he ever had before, which was saying something. Their father grew more volatile as they got older, his neglect suddenly vanishing in favor of biting criticism and harsh demands. There were numerous screaming matches, and Jimmy was told to “pack his shit” more than once. Neither Cas nor Jimmy was ever hit, but Jimmy couldn’t help but feel that maybe that would have been a little better than being told he was a “greedy little shit who wouldn’t amount to much”.

It all came to a head one night when their father had come home from one of his dates and the dishes were still in the sink. Chuck decided that Cas was the appropriate target for whatever bullshit rage he had over that, and proceeded to deride him for the better part of an hour. When it was all finished Cas was sobbing in Jimmy’s arms and Jimmy did the only thing he knew how to do to make anyone feel better, and he leaned in and kissed his brother on the lips. It was that night that all the things Jimmy hadn’t dare spoken before came pouring out, not in words, but in actions. The two of them had always been close, but it had always been more than that. Cas was Jimmy’s protector, his guardian, his best friend. Cas was the only person who never judged him, and also the only person Jimmy had ever felt that “spark” people always talked about lovers having with their fingers brushed accidentally or when they slept cuddled together on particularly rough nights. Apparently, the feeling was mutual. It was unconventional, perhaps a little unnatural, but it didn’t change the feelings they had for each other.

So, Jimmy and Cas were a couple. Well, as much as they could be. They both still went out with other people when they felt like it, but it was just about sex. It was always just about the sex. Whatever closeness the two of them wanted they got from each other. No one would ever understand them the way the other did, and that was fine because Jimmy was sure that he’d never feel the way he felt about Cas for anyone else.

That was of course up until three days after the first snowfall of his senior year when he and Amelia were walking back to her dorm, her mitten-covered hand in his. It had started snowing fat, wet flakes when they stepped back onto campus. He looked over at her, watching as she had her head tipped up to the sky, tongue out and eyes closed, trying to catch snowflakes, completely oblivious to the world around her. Jimmy chuckled to himself as he steered her out of the way of a lamp post. Her eyes opened and she squinted at him.

“What?” She asked, her tongue still far out of her mouth.

“Nothing,” Jimmy said with a shrug and a smile.

“No, what?”

“Nothing you’re just… adorable.”

She smacked him on the shoulder and closed her eyes again, and even though it was freezing outside and Jimmy had forgotten his gloves, he didn’t feel cold. More than that, he was warm all over, and even pretty happy. If he could get away with it, he might like to stay out in this weather, dragging Amelia around while she attempted to catch snowflakes. It was the silliest, stupidest thing in the world but there was nothing he could think of at that moment that he wanted to do more.

It took him half the walk to his dorm to realize, he was in love.

Cas was sitting at his desk, hunched over a book when Jimmy got back to the dorm. He didn’t even spare a glance upwards, and Jimmy took the opportunity to take a few steadying breaths. His heart was pounding, which could have been a result of the freak out he was currently undergoing or it could have been because he had run the last stretch home because it was cold and he was freaking out.

He pulled his coat off and kicked off his shoes, setting them both at the end of his bed before climbing up the ladder and burying himself in his comforter.

“How was your date?” Cas asked.

Jimmy sighed into his pillow. “It was fine,” he said, trying to keep the apprehension out of his voice.

Cas’s wooden chair squealed as it skidded across the carpet. “What’s wrong?” Cas asked, peeking through the railing of Jimmy’s bed.

Jimmy threw the blanket over his head. Cas was going to make this difficult for him. Why couldn’t he just have his own existential panics in peace? The wood creaked as Cas climbed up and plopped himself next to his twin.

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” Jimmy murmured from inside his blanket cocoon.

“Bullshit.”

“No, seriously, nothing. We just went on a date. No big deal.”

Cas pulled at the top of the blanket, peeling it away from Jimmy’s face. “Right. And you don’t just have a four alarm freak out for no reason.”

“Sometimes I do!” Jimmy snapped.

Cas rolled his eyes and began petting Jimmy’s hair. “Not unless you’ve got five thousand other things on your mind. Now, I know you don’t have any test or papers due soon, so what happened with Amelia?”

Jimmy sighed and leaned into Cas’s hair petting. “I think I’m in love with her.”

Cas’s hand stilled for just a moment, and he sunk himself deeper into the mattress. “That’s not a bad thing, you know.”

Jimmy chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Right. I can’t see why I was freaking out about this. Thanks, Cas, you’ve made it all better.”

It was Cas’s turn to roll his eyes. “You love someone. How is that a bad thing?”

“Maybe you missed the part where we’ve been in a relationship for the past six years? How am I supposed to deal with being in love with my boyfriend, who is also my brother, and this girl I’ve been seeing for a few months?”

Cas shrugged. “Do you want to get serious with Amelia?”

“I don’t know. I’ll probably just break up with her.”

“But that’s not what you want to do.”

“Well, it’s one or the other.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Jimmy scoffed. “Have you been smoking with Balthazar again because you’re not making any sense?”

“Polyamorous relationships have been the norm throughout human history. It’s not a strange practice, historically speaking. And it’s been a subtle trend in the US since the 60s. It could be seen as a little strange, but given the nature of our relationship, I doubt we’d be very public. To an outsider, it would look like you and Amelia were in a relationship that I had nothing to do with. And if Amelia was on board, I wouldn’t mind sharing you.”

“You’re suggesting I have a harem?”

“No, a harem suggests more people and less consent. I’m suggesting a polyamorous relationship. It’s different.”

Jimmy rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. “You’ve got to be joking.”

“Why would I joke about this?”

“Because it’s insane. And impractical.”

“The idea that mankind could ever set foot on the moon was insane and impractical and yet…”

“Now I know you’ve been hanging out with Balthazar.” 

Cas chuckled, wrapping his arm around Jimmy’s waist and nuzzling into his shoulder. “All I’m saying is there are other ways around this. You don’t have to pick. We’ve actually been doing this for a while now, you just haven’t realized it. And now that you’ve found someone else you love she can be in on it, too.”

“All the others were just about sex, Cas,” Jimmy said.

“I know. But it’s not all that different.”

“What if she doesn’t want to do it, Cas? What if she thinks I’m a freak? What if she decides I’m a disgusting pervert and she tells everyone and then the head of the university finds out and he decides to kick us out of school? What if we get arrested and go to prison? I don’t want to go to prison, Cas. I’d rather die. Cas…”

“Shhhhh,” Cas said, nudging at Jimmy’s chin until they were looking each other in the eye, “you’re doing it again.”

“But… what if…”

“If she thinks you’re a freak she’s not worthy of you. You’re charming and funny and beautiful, inside and out. If she can’t see that she’s not worth your time. If she tells people, she tells people. Half of them won’t believe her, half will think it’s a turn on. We can always deny it if it comes down to it. And incest isn’t illegal in Ohio, so they won’t throw you in prison,” Cas said, “It’s going to be okay. What’s the worst-case scenario?”

“Worst-case? She panics, calls me all kinds of names and I break up with her and cry for a week. She tells people and they think we’re freaks and then we have to move.”

“And the best-case?”

“She’s totally fine with it and everyone’s happy.”

“And what the most likely thing to happen?”

“I -I don’t know. It could go either way I guess. Maybe she’s a little weirded out but she comes around. Maybe she’s fine with it. Maybe she hates me. I don’t know.”

Cas sighed and began stroking Jimmy’s chest and stomach. “Whatever happens, you always have me.”

“Thanks, babe,” Jimmy said with a sigh. He kissed Cas on the forehead, shutting his eyes and giving into Cas’s gentle touches. He was still scared half out of his mind with all of the possibilities.

* * *

 

Finals came and went in one stress and coffee fueled blur, followed by Christmas back in Illinois with their father, their aunt, and the cousins. It was nice to see that their dad and Aunt Amara were speaking again, but who knew how long that truce was going to last. The cousins were just as obnoxious as always, and the nights he and Cas spent sharing their childhood bedroom were particularly stressful, as their usual methods for relieving tension were off limits for noise reasons. Jimmy was anxious. He’d been trying to distance himself from Amelia in the nicest ways he could, making excuses about homework and migraines, trying to work out what he wanted to do and trying to work up the nerve to do it. He thought about dropping hints about the polyamory discussion, but every option he could think of sounded incredibly douchey. He didn’t want to bring it up when they couldn’t see each other, and he definitely didn’t want to make it sound like he was asking permission to have someone on the side… even if he sort of was. Cas wasn’t his mistress… or whatever the male equivalent of a side girlfriend was for someone who was bordering on serious with their girlfriend. Cas was important to him, much more than someone he just got off with. Cas was his brother, best friend, love of his life, all that cheesy shit. But Amelia… well, she was on her way there too. She was wonderful, smart, sweet, firm in her convictions, all the kinds of things Jimmy loved, and he was happy he’d met her. But he could lose her easily if he made the wrong move.

And there was another thing nibbling at the back of Jimmy’s mind. Cas was his brother, and there was no way the two of them could really have a stable relationship for the rest of their lives. There were things that Jimmy wanted, like marriage and public dates and the ability to tell people he was deeply in love with someone. Plus there was the whole incest thing, which, maybe it made Jimmy a freak. Maybe it made both of them sick. Maybe he should seek professional help, but he had made a habit of not thinking about those things.

No matter what, he could never really have a normal relationship with Cas. Amelia, however, presented all those opportunities and more. If it came down to it, between Amelia and Cas, well, Jimmy wasn’t completely sure which of the two he’d choose. As much as he loathed reading those damn Jane Austen novels his freshman year, he couldn’t help feeling like an old-timey heroine stuck in the middle of some bullshit love triangle. If this were one of those, however, he’d find a way to make society accept his less than conventional choice of partners and he’d wind up with Cas and Amelia, because heroines like Jane Eyre and Elizabeth Bennette always found a way to resolve their moral dilemmas of passion and reason and get what they really wanted. Jimmy, however, felt he’d wind up more the route of Scarlet O’Hara, the door shut in his face and not a damn thing to show for it because real life just didn’t work that way.

* * *

 

The final semester of Jimmy’s college career resumed mid-January. Amelia dragged him to one of their lunch dates a week later, when Jimmy didn’t have the time for a good excuse. They sat there in the Student Union Building, a plate of nacho fries between them and a crowd of warmly bundled students sitting around them on all sides when she, much to Jimmy’s surprise, gave him an opening.

“Can I ask you something?” Amelia asked, wiping cheese sauce off her fingers.

“You just did but go ahead,” Jimmy said.

Amelia scoffed and kicked him under the table. “I’m trying to be serious here.” She cleared her throat, folded her hands in front of her, and took a deep breath, “Are we exclusive?”

Jimmy nearly choked on the ice tea he’d been attempting to swallow. “Um, no. Not at the moment, why?”

“So, you’re seeing someone else?”

“Right. About that. It’s kind of… well… yes, I’m seeing someone else at the moment.”

“Oh,” Amelia frowned, swiping a fry off the top of the cheesy mound.

“Why? Were you… thinking about being exclusive?”

“I was kind of hoping, you know, maybe we could take this to the next level? But I’m not willing to do that if you’re not interested in being exclusive. I don’t want to be second to some other girl.” She popped the fry into her mouth and turned away.

“You’re not. Ames, look at me,” he reached across the table to cup her chin in his hand, turning her face to meet his. “You’re not second, okay. It’s complicated. But I care about you, a whole hell of a lot, actually, and you mean a lot to me. You’re special to me and what I feel for you is different from what I feel about him. It’s just different, not bad or anything, not less, just not the same.”

“Wait a second, did you say him? Jimmy, are you gay? Is this like, an experiment, or something?”

Jimmy barely suppressed the urge to roll his eyes, “I’m bisexual, but I’m not completely sure why that’s the only thing you got out of what I just said.”

“I’m sorry, just, took me by surprise is all. Are you… doing stuff with him?”

“Yes, we have sex.”

Amelia’s eyes widened and she gnawed at her lip. “So are you like… the pitcher or… the catcher or…”

This time Jimmy did roll his eyes. “Ames, stay on target here. I can tell you all about my sex life later. We were having a serious conversation.”

 “Right,” Amelia said, “well I guess this puts things in a different light.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know, I just need time to process this I guess.”

“This isn’t going to be a problem for us, is it?” Jimmy asked.

Amelia shrugged. “Honestly? I’m just…I want us to be together, exclusively. I like you a lot Jimmy, and maybe we could have a future together but it’s just a lot to take in. Here I find out my boyfriend is seeing someone else and that someone else is another guy. I just wasn’t expecting this conversation to go this way.”

“So you want it to be the two of us. Just the two of us?”

“I don’t want to make you choose, Jim, but if you’re already sleeping with him I know how it will probably turn out.” Amelia sighed, her eyes getting wet as she blinked furiously and pulled away, staring towards the window on the other side of the room.

“It doesn’t have to be that way, you know, there are other options. I mean, you’re important to me. You know I love you, but I love him too. Maybe if you’re willing to try it out we could try… all being together?”

Amelia scoffed, jerking towards him sharply. A few tentative tears spilled off her eyelashes. “Do you have any idea how you sound right now, James? You’re asking me to play second fiddle to some dude? How the hell is that gonna work? What am I supposed to tell my parents; ‘hey mom and dad, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend. Oh! And his boyfriend. They fuck when he’s bored with me’. My dad’s a pastor for god sakes do you think there’s a chance in hell he’d like hearing that? Jimmy, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too. You need to figure out what you want, and if that’s not me…I can deal with that.”

Jimmy sat there, staring as she slung her backpack over her shoulder. “I’ve got a class I gotta get to. I’ll talk to you later. But, just, don’t leave me hanging.” She leaned over the table, kissed his cheek and left him sitting there, staring at a pile of french fries.

Jimmy skipped the rest of his classes. By the time he collected himself and made his way back to the empty dorm he shared with his brother he was already in tears. He hated having to choose like this, and even if the option should be clear it really wasn’t. Cas had been by his side since before they were born and maybe their relationship wasn’t normal, but it was all he had had since he was a child. Cas was the biggest constant in his life, and he wasn’t willing to lose that. But, there couldn’t really be a future with his brother, could there? He could be that weird guy who still lived with his brother at forty, never married, had no children, none of the things he allowed himself to dream about every once in a while. He might be able to have that with Amelia. God, how far had he fallen? There wasn’t a single person in his life he’d ever even wanted more with, and he and Amelia hadn’t even gone to the point of actually having sex yet. God, he was so screwed. He could pick Cas, continue to have his brother and his lover, but stay hidden in the shadows, doomed to push anyone else who might want him away for the rest of his life, or he could have the kind of suburban daydream he’d always wanted and lose his brother.

Everything was just too big. It was too much. And he wished he couldn’t feel a damn thing at all.

Cas came back after dark. By that time, Jimmy had finished with the majority of his crying but was still laying face down on his bed, shoes still on his feet.

“Jimmy?” Cas asked from the doorway.

Jimmy grunted in response and Cas dropped his things to the floor with a thunk.

“What happened?” Cas asked, the bed dipping with his weight.

“I finally talked to Amelia. No dice.” Jimmy sniffled and Cas stroked up and down his back.

“Oh, Jimmy.”

“She wants me to choose, Cas, and I really don’t want to.”

Cas hummed and said nothing, continuing to stroke the planes of his back.

“I don’t know,” Jimmy hiccupped.

“Don’t know, what?” Cas asked. His voice was so soft and soothing, just like it had been all the other times he’d had to calm Jimmy down and talk him off metaphorical ledges. Jimmy gulped.

“I don’t know what to do,” he all but whispered.

“I say you get into your pajamas, get a carton of ice cream and try to forget about her. We can watch all those shitty movies you like, too.”

Jimmy couldn’t help it. He broke into a harsh, choking sob. He was miserable and probably looked worse. His spit was thick, and the back of his throat kept trying to close on him. Cas hefted him upwards, pressing their chests together and stroking his hair. He was hyperventilating, again, but he couldn’t stop it. He didn’t really want to stop it, either. Maybe he could just pass out and when he woke up things would be better.

Fat chance. There wasn’t really a way out of this one. He had to choose between the two of them, and if he were being honest there wasn’t much of a choice. Losing Cas was going to hurt like hell, but maybe it was for the best. They needed to have lives outside of each other. Cas needed to have the chance to find a nice guy and that was never going to happen if he was still with Jimmy. Maybe his father had been right all along. Maybe Jimmy was just a fuck up and at least letting Cas go now would give both of them a chance to have something normal.

Cas was mumbling soothing nonsense into his ear when he finally broke. He pushed at Cas’s chest, scooting back on the bed.

“Cas, I-I-I d-don’t know if we should keep d-o-ooing this.” The words tumbled out before he could really think about them.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m say-ying,” Jimmy sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve, “what we’re do-o-oing, what we’ve been doing…it’s no-ot right.”

“Jimmy, what are you?”

“Cas, we-e’re brothers. Twins. This isn-n’t natural. O-or normal in anyway. We can’t keep doing this.”

“Jimmy, calm down. You’re getting too worked up about this right now,” Cas said.

“Ca-as I thi-ink maybe we-we-we should just stop.”

Cas pulled him close and Jimmy let himself collapse into his brother. “Jimmy, beloved, you need to calm down. You’re freaking me out. Just breathe, okay? Breathe.” Cas took a few exaggerated breaths, encouraging Jimmy to follow suit. Maybe doing this while he was in the middle of a meltdown wasn’t the best idea, but if it wasn’t then he wasn’t sure if he’d have the ability to actually follow through with it. He’d have to do it, for his sake and Cas’s.

Jimmy pulled back once his breathing evened out. Cas attempted to wipe away the tears with his thumbs, but Jimmy jerked away.

“Cas,” he breathed, “I think it would be best for both of us if we had a shot at a normal life. One with relationships we don’t have to hide from the rest of the world if we don’t want to. One with the potential for a future.”

“I don’t want that. I want you. I’ve only ever wanted you. I don’t…I can’t, Jimmy.”

“Cas, I have to. I have to have a real future. And so do you.”

“Jimmy, I can’t talk about this with you right now.”

“Cas, we need to. We can’t keep doing this forever. It’s not… it’s not feasible.”

“Jimmy, I don’t want to.”

Jimmy sniffled. “But, it’s for the best. You know it is. I’m not going to change my mind Cas. As much as it hurts –“

“Stop, Jimmy. I don’t want to hear this right now.”

“Cas, this isn’t natural. I’m sorry that I ever forced this on you.”

“Forced this? What the hell are you talking about? Last I checked this has been a mutual thing for six fucking years.”

“It is. It was. I just. Cas I want kids. You might want kids. We can’t have that like this.”

“So that’s it? You’re choosing her over me? After everything we’ve been through!” Cas gritted his teeth, the hard line of his jaw twitching.

“Cas, it’s not like that…”

“Bullshit! What’s it like then? Because that’s exactly what I’m hearing.”

Jimmy said nothing. He could only hang his head.

“Fine then,” Cas said, his voice flat and even. He only spoke softly like that when he was pissed off. He was downright frightening when he was pissed off. “You want her, you can have her. But don’t you dare come crawling back to me when it goes up in flames. And you better get the hell out of here by the end of the week because if I never see you again it’ll be too soon.” And with that, Cas stormed back out the door, into the cold and the night.

Jimmy was living with Balthazar before the week was up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Three Warnings  
> **  
>  Character is outed without their consent.  
> Character death.  
> Bi-earsure kinda.  
> Smoking. (Don’t smoke, it’s bad for you.)

 

 

Castiel had driven all night from his dingy apartment to the hospital, preparing himself for the worst. He had, of course, also been preparing himself for the sight of his brother. They hadn’t seen each other since Amelia’s funeral, and before then since the wedding. Castile had been a good son, visiting his father on the holidays no matter how much he didn’t want to, while Jimmy had stayed away. He’d cut ties with most of the family since he married Amelia, not officially of course, but his absence was certainly felt when he wasn’t around and no longer called. Michael was really the only person Jimmy talked to, as far as he was aware. Odd, really, because they weren’t close at all when they were growing up.

Jimmy’s absence was felt most acutely by Castiel, that much he knew. It was one thing to be apart from a sibling for too long, harder when that sibling was a twin, but when that twin had been a lover… it was damn near impossible to deal with for the longest time. Castiel had gotten past it. Mostly. He’d dated a bit, had a few lovers, but nothing compared to the one that got away. And despite everything Castiel had wanted him to be happy. He’d wanted Jimmy to have the life he’d wanted, with a wife and kids and picket fence, the whole nine, and he really was upset when it crashed and burned.

Castiel had prepared himself for the ache or seeing his brother again. He’d prepared to be ignored and offered platitudes and “you really should’s” from his extended family, but he hadn’t prepared himself for the actual sight of Jimmy. The elevator dinged and Castiel found himself standing face-to-face with the man he still loved. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes and ashy, pale skin like he hadn’t been getting enough sun. Other than that, though, he looked good. He had filled out a little since the last time they saw each other, not like he’d put on weight, but as if he’d finally been eating right. Jimmy enjoyed cooking, but only if there was someone to cook for. He must’ve been running again, too.

“Cas…” He breathed, almost liked he was surprised to see him. He probably was, after all.

Cas offered a half-smile, as he stepped out of the elevator. “Hello, Jimmy.” 

They stood in silence, just staring at each other for a few moments. Neither of them said anything, and Castiel was half tempted to try and shake Jimmy’s hand, even if that was a little too formal given the circumstances.

“Hey, Cas, Jimmy and I were just headed down for coffee,” Michael piped up, wedging himself between the two, “you’re welcome to join us if you’d like.”

Castiel shot a glance back at Jimmy, who was now standing with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes upturned towards the ceiling.

“No, thank you. I should probably talk to Aunt Amara, if it’s all the same to you,” Castiel said.

“Alright,” Michael said, “well, we’ll be in the cafeteria if you need us.”

Castiel stepped to the side, allowing the other two to pass and wait for another elevator while he made his way down the hall of the trauma ICU. The waiting room was less of a room and more of a large, open area with a few moderately comfortable looking seats along the walls. There were people crowded around the outlets, fiddling with their charging phones. He spotted his Aunt on the other end of the hall, talking with a strange blond man bouncing a small girl, probably Claire, on his hip. God, she’d gotten big. The last time he’d seen her she was just a baby and now she had to be at least three, maybe four.

The blond man did a double take when he caught sight of Castiel, brow furrowing and eyes skimming up and down Castiel’s body. He looked just about ready to say something when his Aunt broke away, wrapping her arms around Castiel’s neck.

“Castiel, it’s good that you’re here,” she said, kissing his cheek.

“I wish it were under more pleasant circumstances,” he said. The two of them pulled away, and Castiel now noticed that both the blond man and Claire were staring at him, frowning. Claire almost looked angry, the man on the other hand just seemed more irritated.

“Oh, Dean,” Amara said, putting her hand on the stranger’s shoulder, “this is Castiel, Jimmy’s brother.”

“Jimmy never said anything about a brother,” Dean grumbled, stretching out the hand he wasn’t using to support Claire.

Castiel shook his hand. This Dean guy had a firm grip and calloused palms, but they were still warm and soft. Their eyes met and Castiel had to resist the urge to pull away. Even though he was frowning, he was very attractive, big green eyes and plush lips, freckles smattered all over his face. Definitely easy on the eyes.

“It doesn’t surprise me,” Castiel said, clearing his throat, “we don’t talk much.”

“Castiel, this is Dean,” Amara said, “he’s Jimmy’s… friend.”

“Boyfriend,” Dean corrected.

Damn. Jimmy did nicely with this one.

“Boyfriend?” Marv, cousin Becky’s husband, piped up from somewhere off in the corner, “since when is Jimmy gay?”

“Jimmy’s bisexual,” Dean and Castiel said at the same time, “not that it’s any of your business,” they finished, slightly out of sync. They caught each other’s eyes for a moment. It was curious, that the two of them seemed to be on the same wavelength. Perhaps a little spooky, even.

“Huh,” Becky said, rising to her feet from the strange, padded circle chair she’d been sitting on, “Does your dad know about that?”

“Yes, our father knows.”

“Wonder how he took it,” Marv snorted.

“Poorly.” Castiel gritted his teeth, his fingers twitching reflexively. He usually wasn’t this quick to anger, but considering the circumstances it wasn’t surprising. Dean must’ve noticed, too, as he shifted into Castiel’s space in a silent gesture he hoped was solidarity.

“So is it true what they say when one twin is gay the other is, too?” Becky asked.

Castiel rolled his eyes, blowing out a single huff of air. “No. Now, can we stop talking about my sexuality or anyone else’s while my father is on his deathbed, thank you.”

Becky flushed, giving a single nod. Dean chuckled beside him, a small smirk pulling at his lips.

“How’s dad?” Castiel asked, turning back toward his aunt.

Apparently, not good. It had been a single car accident, so no one else was injured, but he did flip the car several times and wind up upside down in a ditch. He had several broken bones, brain hemorrhaging, several cuts, and gashes. From the way it sounded he wouldn’t make it through the week, and if he did he would be severely disabled. He’d been in surgery for the past several hours, and surgeons hadn’t been back in some time to update anyone on the progress. It was going to be one of those long waiting games.

“God, I could use a cigarette,” Castiel muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Dean said, patting Castiel on the shoulder. “I’ll go with you.”

“Hey Claire,” Dean said bouncing Claire with his hip, just enough to wake her, “you wanna play with your Auntie Amara?”

Claire looked up at him, thumb in her mouth then looked back over at Amara. She frowned at him.

“It’s okay, Claire,” Amara said, reaching out her arms, “I don’t bite.”

Claire squinted but nodded once, and Dean passed her over easily. He clapped Castiel on the shoulder and the two of them walked down the hall and onto the elevator without saying a word. It wasn’t until they were in a chilly corner, just a few feet from the hospital parking structure that Dean even said a word.

“So, you’re Jimmy’s brother?” He asked.

“And you’re his boyfriend.”

“Right,” Dean laughed, lighting the cigarette between his lips, “I hope he doesn’t mind that I, you know, outed him like that. I really had no idea that no one in the family knew. He’s pretty open about it at home, but I had no idea.”

“I’m sure he won’t be too upset. He brought you here after all. And it’s not like he’s been trying to keep up appearances.” Castiel lit his own cigarette. He inhaled the smoke, relishing in the burn as he inhaled it.

“Yeah, what’s up with that anyway?” Dean asked. “I know he hasn’t visited, but, did something happen? Not that I’m trying to pry.”

Castiel blew out the smoke, shaking his head. “It’s complicated. But he hasn’t been around much since he and Amelia got together.”

“Ah,” Dean said, taking a drag, “But that was what? Six years ago?”

“Seven.”

Dean hummed next to him, kicking at the loose gravel at his feet.

“But, Jimmy and our father have had bad blood for a very long time.”

“What about the two of you?”

“Pardon?”

“You guys are twins and I have literally never heard of you. I’d think having an identical twin is one of those kinds of things you mention at least once. What happened to make you guys hate each other.”

“I don’t hate Jimmy.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t. He’s my brother. And I love him.” Castiel gulped. He always got a stupid knot in his throat when he had to talk about his brother. Of course, he loved Jimmy, as a brother and as much more.

Dean shrugged. “’S not my business anyway,” he said, “I was just curious. So what do you do for a living, Cas?”

“I’m a professor of History at Ohio State.”

“No shit? That’s impressive.”

Cas flicked his cigarette, the ash landed on his worn-out sneakers. “It’s good money. I spend most of my time reading things written by old dead guys and arguing with old living guys and grading papers by students who very obviously didn’t do the reading. It’s fine.”

“What’s your focus?”

“Little of this, little of that. Last semester I taught a class on the LGBT people in the ancient world. Which mostly amounted to a lot of talk about Rome and Greece and a few people who, God knows why they were in my class, arguing that ‘it’s not gay if you’re the one giving it’.”

Dean snorted. “Oh my god, are you kidding me?”

“Unfortunately, no. I realize that human sexuality is complicated and that our modern labels are a bit anachronistic, but it’s not like we gays just appeared out of the ether in the sixties. We’ve been around forever. And no, anal sex is not always gay but wanting to do it with men is a little gay.”

Dean shook his head, flicking the ash off his cigarette a few times more than necessary. “I thought you told Becky you weren’t gay.”

“Oh, no, I just answered her question about that myth. I’m very, very gay. The fact that Jimmy is bi is coincidental.”

Dean laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling and his plush lips parted over his teeth. A moment passed between them where there was only silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence, nor was there any urgency to speak. It was nice, really, and Castiel couldn’t remember a time that he had been this at ease with a stranger.

“So what do you do, Dean?” He asked.

“Daycare. It’s how Jimmy and I met, actually. He brought Claire into the place I used to work at and we talked a couple of times. I asked him out, swore he was going to, I dunno, get sick or punch me or run screaming or something. Then we went out, started dating the whole shebang.”

“Do you like it?”

“Oh yeah, I love it,” Dean said before taking a long drag off the stub of his cigarette. He blew out the smoke and dropped the filter, stomping it out with his boot. “Took me a while to learn not to swear so damn much in front of the kids but I’ve mostly got it now.”

Cas dropped his cigarette, crushing it with his heel. “I don’t think I could stand small children all day. I can barely handle adults.”

“Nah, man, kids are great. They say what they mean and they don’t bullshit you. Or, when they do you can tell because it’s ridiculous stuff they bullshit about. And they don’t know what impossible means just yet. Adults, on the other hand, are generally too stuck up their own asses.”

The two of them walked back up the sidewalk, then back into the hospital. They rode the elevator in an easy silence, then back up to the floor Castiel was already starting to dread. Amara was still standing where she had been, but Michael was back and on the phone, probably talking to his wife, Hael. And Jimmy was back, Claire clinging to his leg.

Dean’s gait picked up a little bit, and he made it back to the group before Castiel did, reaching down to ruffle Claire’s hair. Jimmy turned and smiled the same small little smile Castiel had seen directed at himself countless times in the past. It churned his stomach.

Castile stood next to Dean on the other side, opposite of Jimmy. He didn’t want to be too close, but he sure as hell did not want to be wedged between Amara and Marv. His aunt was fine, but Marv gave him the creeps and Castiel preferred to stay as far away from him as possible.

“Castiel,” Amara spoke, her voice soft but scratchy. Her eyes were red-rimmed and there were splotches and streaks racing down her face. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t have to say anymore. Of course, she did, going on to explain that his father had had a seizure in the OR and they couldn’t save him, but Castiel didn’t have to hear it before his eyelids quivered and tears were sliding down his face. He spared a glance over to Jimmy, only to find him staring down at his shoes, a few tears of his own sliding down the bridge of his nose.

“Jimmy…”

Jimmy jerked his head up, staring at Castiel like a startled deer. “Cas?” He voice warbled, and Castile didn’t even think. He stepped forward as Dean moved back and the two of them collided like magnets, chests pressed together, arms wrapped around each other, chins in the cradles of necks. Jimmy let out a strangled sob, his fist clutching the back of Castiel’s sweater. Castiel stroked his hand over Jimmy’s back, humming softly so that Jimmy could hear.

Like this, they weren’t bitter exes, just children dealing with their father’s crap one last time.

**  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Four Warnings**  
>  The author’s distain for Evangelical Christianity is showing.  
> Misquoting Tolstoy for egotistical purposes.

 

 

Jimmy had been pretty quiet since they arrived at the motel room. His aunt had offered a place to stay at her house, but Jimmy wanted to have his privacy. It wasn’t like Dean could really blame him either. Jimmy’s family was weird. His brother was okay, but Becky was way too nosey, Marv was a creep, and Amara had a staring problem.

And that was another thing, Jimmy had a twin brother, apparently. That was… interesting. Jimmy had mentioned his family in passing, usually, just in response to Dean’s complaints about his own family, but he never once mentioned a brother. He talked about how much of a dick his dad was or about his cousins, but all of Jimmy’s stories were decidedly Cas-less. Obviously, there was something big that went down between the two of them, but now was not the time to bring it up.

Jimmy set Claire down for a nap in the middle of the second double bed. Having to explain to her that someone had died was hard. She didn’t quite understand why her daddy had been crying, but Jimmy managed it. She wanted to cling to him after that, but she was already too tired and bored to spend much more time in the hospital. Probably a good thing too, because Jimmy looked a little he was seconds away from passing out himself. They laid together under the itchy wool blanket of the motel room bed, Jimmy curled close into Dean’s chest.

“You okay, babe?” Dean asked, stroking up and down Jimmy’s arm.

He hummed in response, nuzzling against Dean’s chest.

Dean kissed him on the forehead, letting his boyfriend fall into a deep sleep. The angle wasn’t good for watching TV, so Dean didn’t bother. Truth be told, he was a little tired too, but he couldn’t sleep. His job right now was to watch over Jimmy and Claire, even if they were just sleeping. Jimmy was going to be a little rattled for a while, because regardless of his feelings for his father, he was still going to grieve, and then he was probably going to feel bad about it, then he might get angry with himself if he was anything like Dean. Which, he was, in so many weird ways.

Jimmy had presented himself as a run of the mill businessman, the kind with little that made him all that interesting. When Dean first met him, the first thought that ran through his head was “Damn. He’s gorgeous,” followed by “oh, but what a square. Only a square would drive a van like that.” Then, one day in May, Jimmy came to pick Claire up looking more than a little haggard. His shirt was untucked, coat and jacket absent and hair spiked up in every direction. He’d bent down to pick Claire up, his back to Dean and Dean couldn’t help it when he saw that swirl of purple on Jimmy’s lower back.

“Dude, is that a tramp stamp?” He blurted, covering his mouth with his hand so fast he bit his lip.

Jimmy spun around, eyes wide. “What?”

“What? I, um, nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Jimmy chuckled, shaking his head. “It was college. And it was either this or one of those ugly tribal things and there was no way I was putting that much tacky crap on my body.”

Dean laughed. “So, uh, what’s it of?”

Jimmy smirked, looking Dean up and down. He crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s usually third date information.”

It took Dean three months to find out it was a unicorn. A pink, purple and blue unicorn.

Six more months and Dean found out that Jimmy was a bit of a wild child in college. He’d gotten the tattoo, which his former wife wanted him to get removed, won several bar bets because of his double-jointedness, and had been banned from three libraries in the state of Ohio. He also discovered that Jimmy was so much more complex than he’d given him credit for in the beginning. He was an adoring and attentive father, a whip-smart dude and a little scary when it came to how fast he could work with numbers. He was also devastatingly sexy and could be an absolute freak in bed. But he was also deeply private and anxious more often than not. There were things Jimmy would only mention in passing and Dean would catch that faraway look in his eyes that screamed trauma before he’d laugh it off and pretend nothing happened. Dean wanted to talk to him about those things but never did. Jimmy would come around and talk about it when he felt it was okay too. There were also the panic attacks. According to Jimmy, they didn’t happen all that often, just when he got stressed, but the first one scared the shit out of Dean. Apparently, freaking out while someone has a panic attack is the opposite of what someone should do and it made it a little worse. Jimmy explained everything as soon as he was able to talk and Dean did some reading about the best ways to take care of a partner with anxiety.

The anxiety didn’t do anything to deter Dean, not like Jimmy had worried it would. His past, whatever it entailed, wasn’t enough to drive Dean off either. He was completely gone on Jimmy, and that was just the way it was. He adored Claire too, even though his new job meant he didn’t see her as often because of the price. If it were up to Dean, he and Jimmy would be living together, but it wasn’t up to him. His apartment was not the kind of place for two men and a kid to be living in and he wasn't going to invite himself into Jimmy’s home. If Jimmy wanted them to live together, he would ask, and Dean was willing to wait until he asked.

Dean fell in and out of consciousness, not really falling asleep but just letting himself drift. He stayed like that until Claire woke up and rolled over in the bed, staring at the two of them with her thumb stuck in her mouth. Dean rolled out of bed, prying Jimmy’s fingers off his shirt and chuckling softly when his boyfriend grumbled in his sleep.

“Hey there Claire-bear. Did you have a good nap?” He asked, sitting at the foot of the bed.

She nodded, kicking the blankets away from her feet. “I’m hungry,” she said.

“You want some fruit snacks?”

“Chicky nuggets.”

“You’re gonna turn into a chicken nugget you keep eatin’ ‘em like you do.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yeah, huh.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yes, you will. And then we’re not gonna have any choice. We’re just gonna have to cook you and eat you,” Dean said, reaching over to tickle her ribs. She giggled and shrieked, kicking at the blankets around her.

“Shhh,” Dean said, putting a finger to her lips. “Daddy’s taking a nap. We can’t wake him up.”

“Dee?” She asked suddenly, scooting up on the bed. She sat cross-legged, her hands folded in her lap, little lips drawn in a tight line.

“What’s up sweetie?”

“You and daddy are boyfriends?”

“That’s right.”

“You gotta get married?” She asked.

Dean spared a glance over at Jimmy, who had rolled onto his stomach and sprawled out like a starfish. “Maybe someday. If we wanna.”

“So you can have babies?”

Dean chuckled. “Well sweetie, we’re both boys so we can’t have babies. Besides, we’ve already got you.” He tickled under her chin and she giggled, ducking her head.

“Dee?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Are you my daddy, too?”

“Well…” Shit. He and Jimmy hadn’t talked about this one yet. “I’m your daddy’s boyfriend so not quiet. He’s your daddy. But I can be your Dean.”

“Okay,” Claire said, sticking her thumb back in her mouth. “Dee?”

“What sweetheart?”

“I want chicky nuggets.”

Dean shook his head, chuckling. “Let’s give your daddy thirty more minutes and then we can get some, okay?”

“Can we watch Bugs Bunny?”

“We have to keep the volume low.”

“Okay, Dee.”

Dean pulled Claire up into his lap and flicked on the TV. They got through a full half an episode before Jimmy stirred and Claire was back on her quest for chicken nuggets.

* * *

 

They only stayed in Illinois for two days before they had to head back to Ohio. Jimmy requested some personal time off and was given a week of his unused vacation time. Dean was able to get a few days off as well, but not the week that Jimmy got. It was probably just as well, then, that they had an excuse to spend some time at home before they had to face Jimmy’s family again. Jimmy had been very uncomfortable the whole time, which was obvious in the way he carried himself. Jimmy was more reserved in public as it was but when they were around he was much worse. He zoned out more, tensed up harder, gritted his teeth, and balled his fists. God knows why he agreed to come down on the weekends afterward to help out with clearing out his father’s house. Dean agreed to go with him  though. It was his job, after all.

Claire got to have a sleepover with Sam, Eileen, and Henry over the two days Dean and Jimmy were gone for the funeral. She hadn’t known her grandfather and there was no reason to make her sad over something she wouldn’t completely understand. Or at least that was Jimmy’s reasoning. Dean could tell, however, that Jimmy was just not going to have the energy to deal with Claire and his family at the same time. Their previous trip to Illinois had resulted in Jimmy sobbing in the bathtub, unwilling to let his daughter see him cry. It wasn’t that he never got emotional around her, it was just that, the sweet little child she was, she would want to cling to him and make it better, and sometimes Jimmy just needed to be alone and cry and scream and not freak his daughter out.

The funeral itself was on a Wednesday morning in some mega-church. Apparently, Charles Novak had decided to find God later in life, as one of the faceless maw of church goers who sung their hymnals to shitty soft rock. The church itself was gorgeous though, built into the incline of a hill so that only to the top of the sanctuary could be seen from the street. There was a courtyard decorated with a strategically placed and manicured trees.

“Nice waterfall,” Dean said, knocking his knuckles against the plaster rocks. There was a freaking water feature in the middle of the church grounds, one with a flowing waterfall was as tall as Dean himself flowing into a pool of clear water. It was nice but probably expensive as all hell.

“It’s the baptismal,” Michael said, passing Dean and eyeing the way he and Jimmy’s hands were laced together.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Whatever happened to good old fashioned lakes?”

“Lakes are unsanitary,” Hael said.

“Well God made lakes. That waterfall was built by a contractor.”

“Dean,” Jimmy said his name like a threat, slipping his hand out of Deans.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Come on babe, you don’t have to do that.”

“I’d really just like to get out of this in one piece.”

“Why? Is this one of those ‘hate the sin’ churches? ‘Cause if it is 1) They can bite me and B) we don’t even live in this state so they can double bite me.”

“Let’s just…play nice for the people. Please?” Jimmy sighed. He looked tired. Much more tired than Dean had ever seen him, his eyes drooping and his skin almost gray.

“Alright, we’ll play nice,” Dean grumbled, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets. Jimmy offered a weary half-smile, and they kept walking, shoulders brushing.

There were several buildings on the church grounds, and what Dean was sure was a half pike behind on of the buildings. Dean barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Why a church needed a half pike was beyond him, but whatever, he wasn’t going to say anything.

The room they had set Chuck’s service up in was one of the smaller sanctuaries (because apparently, the church needed more than one), and it was still a little too big for the group of people who had gathered to mourn. The Novaks had been a much larger family than Dean had expected, with a few more nuclear family clusters taking their places near the front of the room. They hadn’t even sat down before they were accosted by a new crowd of relatives.

“James, my boy,” A man with a silver beard and sharp eyes came up first, slapping a firm hand on Jimmy’s shoulder, “it’s good to see you again.”

“Hello, Uncle Cain,” Jimmy said. His smile was too bright for the circumstances, but he was trying.

 “I’m sorry about your father.”

Jimmy shrugged. “Thank you. And, the same to you.”

“This makes two now,” he said, shaking his head, “I knew we were old, but this… you’re never ready for it.”

“No, I don’t suppose you are.”

“If you need anything, you know how to contact me,” Cain said.

“Of course.”

The next few relatives that came up to offer their condolences did the same kind of thing, remarking on how young Chuck had been and offering their support. They all did a very good job of pointedly ignoring Dean, which was probably for the best. They could all guess why he was there, but none of them wanted to bring it up and cause a scene. When Dean and Jimmy were finally able to sit in the folding chairs, Dean nudged Jimmy’s shoulder.

“You doing okay?”

“Fine,” Jimmy said, “just, funerals suck, you know.”

“Yeah, that I do.”

“What did that dude mean about two?” Dean asked.

“Uncle Cain? Oh. This is his second brother to die. Abel first, now dad.”

“You have uncles named Cain and Abel?”

Jimmy shrugged. “Yeah, I have no idea what anyone was thinking when they handed out names in this family. Cain and Abel were twins, so were dad and Amara.”

“Three sets of twins in a row?”

“Four actually. Grandma was also a twin.”

“Holy shit.”

“Dean, you’re in a church.”

“Sorry.”

“But yeah, holy shit is right. I guess it’s just another facet of my personality I guess that I broke that cycle.”

“Rebel much?”

“When I was younger.”

“You know, I should have a hard time believing that, but I really don’t.”

“What can I say, marriage straightened me out.”

Dean snorted. “Not completely.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes, a tiny chuckle escaping his pursed lips.

“So how’d your dad get away with a normal name. Like, I’m not judging or anything, but how did the same people who named their kids Cain and Abel name another Chuck?”

“He’s got an odd middle name. It’s… Nicolai or something.”

“Nicodemus.”

Dean and Jimmy spun around, finding Cas sitting behind them, leaning over in his chair.

“How long have you been sitting there?” Dean asked.

Cas just shrugged.

“Your tie is backward,” Jimmy scoffed.

Cas slipped the tie off his head, straightening it and slipping it back on. He didn’t even bother laying his collar back down.

“Yeash, Cassie, were you raised in a barn?” Jimmy said, reaching over the back of his chair and flipping the fabric down.

“I hate dressing like a stiff,” he said.

“Well if there’s anywhere to dress like a stiff it’s a funeral,” Dean said.

Cas and Jimmy both shot him disapproving eyebrows, freezing in what they were doing.

“What?”

They both shook their heads, Jimmy going back to fussing over Cas’s appearance. “Your hair looks like you’ve been keeping stray birds in it.”

“It’s Illinois. It’s windy.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Jimmy muttered under his breath. He reached up to mess with Cas’s hair but must’ve decided against it, pulling back and squirming in his seat. “Leave it, at least that way they’ll be able to tell us apart for once.”

Cas’s lip curled at the corner and he nodded, catching his brother’s eye.

“Your family really can’t tell you guys apart?” Dean asked.

“Nope,” they answered in unison.

“You’re kidding?”

They shook their heads.

“Damn that’s gotta be annoying.”

“You have no idea,” Jimmy said.

“Sometimes it was fun though. Especially when we used to switch clothes in the middle of the day and pretend to be the other. Or when we were in college and Jimmy wasn’t feeling well. Sometimes I would go to his classes so he wouldn’t lose attendance points,” Cas said.

“Damn. That’s gotta come in handy.”

“He only did it because he was a huge nerd. Don’t let him fool you if it was a humanities course he was all over it, but if it was math, forget it.”

“I can’t really be expected to sit in on theoretical math and actually know what I was supposed to write down or participate in. It was for the best,” Cas said.

The pastor for the service, a strange gangly man with buggy eyes and far too much scruff to be a pastor, walked down the aisle past the three of them, setting his things up at the pulpit. He was wearing dark slacks and a button up, a large wooden crucifix hanging around his neck. When the rest of the attendants started to settle down Castiel leaned in closer between Dean and Jimmy.

“I can’t stand this guy,” he whispered.

“The pastor?” Dean asked.

“His name is Kubrick. He’s a total creep. I’m pretty sure he has the baby Jesus tattooed on his arm. And it’s an ugly baby.”

Dean and Jimmy both snorted.

“He does the early morning Christmas eve sermons here. They’re a special brand of over the top Jesus-y.”

“Well, it is an Evangelical church, Cas, what do you really expect?” Dean asked.

“Fewer references to click bait articles for one,” Cas said.

Kubrick began fiddling with the mic at the pulpit and the room went silent, save for the occasional hiss and crack of the sound system. Castiel sat back in his seat and Dean spared a glance over at Jimmy. He looked completely run out. Dean really wanted to pull him close and kiss his temple, but that would only make Jimmy more anxious. Dean put his hand on Jimmy’s and gave a quick squeeze. Jimmy gave a half-smile in return, just as Kubrick began his sermon.

Kubrick's sermon dragged on for the better part of an hour, but it felt more like five. The man went on and on about heaven and hell, the rewards that awaited Charles Novak and all the reasons everyone in the room should consider turning their lives over to Jesus. It was a little tacky, to say the least, and Dean had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes on more than one occasion. Jimmy though, seemed tense and frustrated throughout the whole ordeal and Dean wanted nothing more than to drag him out of the room, head back to the hotel room and spoil the hell out of him.

Charles Novak had been cremated, so there was no casket to say goodbye to. Instead, the black urn his remains were put in sat nestled between two vases of white roses and calla lilies, photos of his better moments sitting behind it. After Kubrick finished speaking and stepped down from the podium to speak with those attending, Jimmy started to migrate towards the table at the front where his father’s remains were sitting. Dean let him go alone, figuring he’d need a few moments to himself. He’d never met Chuck, but he didn’t think he’d especially like the man. Jimmy was mostly silent about his father and Dean figured that meant a lot. He let Jimmy have his moment with his father, wandering off towards another table which held framed photos of the Novak family. There were several photos of a young Amara and young Cain, standing with their arms linked over the shoulders of two other men Dean guessed much be Able and Chuck. There was another photo of a short man with a sandy brown beard in a suit, one Dean guessed must be Chuck, standing next to a woman in a wedding dress. There were other photos, too, ones of Jimmy and Cas standing next to each other in matching outfits and matching scowls, somewhere they were opening presents on Christmas morning, and one of the teenage twins tangled up in each other, asleep on a boat. 

“They used to be such a happy family.” Amara’s voice startled Dean, and he turned to find her hovering behind him.

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy in their own way,” Dean said, eyes skimming over the photos. None of them were of Chuck and his sons.

“I think you quoted that wrong,” Amara said.

Dean shrugged. “No offense to Tolstoy, but I think it’s better my way. Speaking from experience.”

“I suppose. Considering everything they’ve done to each other over the years, it might be more accurate,” Amara said.

“What’ve they done to each other?” Dean asked.

“I’m sure you know about what happened between Charles and Jimmy…”

Dean shook his head.

“Well. I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but there are things I wish Charles would have handled differently. He thought he was doing the right thing, but he obviously wasn’t and I don’t think Jimmy ever forgave him. As for Jimmy and Castiel, well, I don’t know what happened but I wish they could just talk about it. To each other or to anyone.”

“Wait, what? They just… stopped talking and no one knows why?”

“Essentially. Some of us have our theories, but they’ve both been silent about it. All we knew was that Jimmy started dating Amelia and stopped talking to the rest of us. Some of us thought that she might’ve been stopping him but even after she passed he remained distant.”

“You think it was some kind of control thing?” Dean asked.

“Perhaps,” Amara said, “she seemed nice enough at the wedding, though.”

 “So what do you think it was if not a controlling spouse?”

Amara pursed her lips. “I can’t be sure. I just know that Castiel and Jimmy were incredibly close as children. They never went anywhere without the other, even spending their entire college careers living in the same dorm rooms. I can’t understand what would have been so irreconcilable that they would have stopped.”

“Must’ve been something big.”

“Must’ve been. Charles and I had our rough patches, too, when we were young. We didn’t get along all that well. And Cain and Abel got along like… well, Cain and Abel. But eventually, we worked it out. I just hope the same is true for Castiel and Jimmy, especially now.”

* * *

 

Jimmy was quiet most of the way back to the hotel, only breaking the silence when Dean asked if he was hungry or tired. When they actually got back into the hotel room, Jimmy threw off his jacket and kicked off his shoes, flopping down on the bed with a heavy sigh. Dean was a little less reckless with where he left his shoes, but he sat down on the bed next to his boyfriend.

Jimmy grabbed his hand and squeezed, offering a quick slanted smile. “Thank you for coming out with me,” he said.

“Of course, Jimmy. What was I supposed to do, make you go all on your own?”

Jimmy hummed. “You still didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, I did. We’re a team, remember.” Dean kissed Jimmy’s knuckles, letting his lips linger.

Jimmy smiled and Dean lay himself down on the bed, draping Jimmy’s arm over his waist, Jimmy rolled onto his side and burrowed his nose into the crease of Dean’s shoulder, inhaling.

“I love you, you know,” Jimmy said, his voice muffled by Dean’s dress shirt.

“I love you, too.” Dean kissed the top of his head.

Jimmy scooted closer, squeezing Dean around the middle. He nuzzled against Dean’s neck, his breath tickling Dean’s skin and causing him to squirm. Jimmy chuckled deep in his chest and held Dean closer, tickling Dean’s ribs.

“Babe, that tickles,” Dean said.

“I know,” Jimmy said, not letting up.

Dean squirmed. “Seriously, babe.”

Jimmy hummed, dragging his tongue up Dean’s neck. Dean grabbed his wrists and rolled them so that Jimmy was flat on his back, with Dean hovering over him. Dean rose to his knees, keeping Jimmy’s wrists pinned to the bed. Jimmy smirked.

“You’re insufferable sometimes, you know that?” Dean asked.

“It’s been said.”

Dean bent down and kissed him. Jimmy sighed against him, chasing Dean’s lips when he pulled away. They made out in silence for a while, not demanding or urging the other towards anything until Jimmy started squirming and trying to break free of Dean’s grasp. Dean let go of his wrists and Jimmy let one of his hands skim down Dean’s back while the other ran through his hair.

Dean lowered himself onto his elbows, breaking their kiss to nudge Jimmy’s shirt collar out of the way and leave a hickey on his collar bone. Jimmy sighed, his nails digging into Dean's skin when he bit him. Jimmy made the move to remove Dean’s clothes first, letting his hands skim across Dean’s front and unbuttoning his dress shirt, his nails dragging up the newly exposed flesh.

Dean shuddered when Jimmy started playing with his nipples, drawing slow, soft circles with his fingers, bringing them to a peak. Dean sat up on his heels, shucking his shirt off and going to work on Jimmy’s, slipping it off his shoulders when he finished with the buttons. He undid his own pants and then Jimmy’s, not bothering to pull his belt through the loops before falling back onto the bed and nibbling at Jimmy’s chest. Jimmy groaned, thrusting his hips upwards. His erection rubbed against Dean, causing him to sigh and roll back his head.

“How far do you wanna take this tonight, babe?” Dean asked, flicking his tongue against Jimmy’s nipple.

“I want to have sex,” Jimmy sighed, letting his hands drift down into Dean’s pants, pushing them out of the way as he squeezed Dean’s ass.

“What kind?”

“Preferably the kind that ends with orgasm.”

Dean snorted, biting Jimmy’s chest. Jimmy gasped and arched off the bed, pulling Dean’s hips closer to his as he did. “I meant, how do you want me? Do you want to just keep doing this or what?”

Jimmy slid his legs up Dean’s dragging his pants down with his feet. “There’s lube in my suitcase,” he said.

“And you’re gonna make me go get it, aren’t you?”

“Well, you are on top of me,” Jimmy said, dragging his foot up the back of Dean’s leg.

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled himself up and off the bed to rummage through Jimmy’s suitcase. He came back to the bed to find Jimmy completely naked, hands folded behind his head. Dean tossed the lube on the bed and stripped the rest of the way, climbing back on top of Jimmy and kissing up his body until he reached his lips. They made out for a while, their hands skimming over each other’s sides and backs, Jimmy occasionally tugging at Dean’s hair when he got a little liberal with the teeth. Eventually, Jimmy shoved the lube in Dean’s hand, sliding his legs up so he could cross his ankles around Dean’s waist.

Dean chuckled and pulled back, sitting in between Jimmy’s legs as he slicked his fingers up. He kissed the side of Jimmy’s knee before pressing one finger to Jimmy’s hole. He shuddered, then relaxed into the bed. They hadn’t been able to do this in a while, as Jimmy hadn’t really been feeling up to it since his dad passed, so Dean went slow. Jimmy huffed and nudged Dean with his knees but he was undeterred. Jimmy tended to be needy in bed and incredibly impatient and that made Dean want to drag it out more. He was beautiful when he fell apart, especially when there was a slow build to the climax, and that was what Dean really wanted to see tonight.

After Dean was satisfied that Jimmy had been prepped enough, Dean leaned back, slicking up his cock and hooked Jimmy’s legs over his back. He took himself in hand and looked up at Jimmy for confirmation. His cheeks were flushed and his chest was heaving just slightly, probably more from anticipation than anything else. Dean pushed in and Jimmy groaned, hands clutching Dean’s shoulders.

“You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just hurry up and get up here.”

Dean went slow, pulling out then easing himself in until the remaining tension drained from Jimmy’s body and he was letting out soft sighs. Dean slid the rest of the way up Jimmy’s body and rested with his forearms bracketing Jimmy’s head. Jimmy kissed him, soft and breathless and Dean pulled out and thrust back in. He started a slow rhythm, rolling his hips more than driving in and out. Jimmy groaned, his hands rubbing small circles up and down Dean’s sides. He nibbled on Dean’s earlobe, his breath hot and heavy against Dean’s skin. Dean pressed their bodies closer, trapping Jimmy’s erection between their bellies. Jimmy moaned, lifting his hips in time with Dean’s.

The air between them was heavy with the soft huffs of breath, and half-swallowed groans. Jimmy whined, trying to urge Dean to go faster with his foot. Dean chuckled and kept the same slow, easy pace.

“Come on, you can do better than that, Winchester,” Jimmy breathed, digging his nails into Dean’s lower back.

“You be patient,” Dean scolded, biting into Jimmy’s neck. Jimmy moaned, bucking his hips.

“You’re going to kill me,” Jimmy said.

“Nu-uh.”

Jimmy kicked him with his heel and Dean stilled, shifting slightly and driving back in.

“Oo-oh Jesus,” Jimmy hissed.

Dean laughed, kissing along Jimmy’s neck and he started back up again. Jimmy let out stuttered little swears and whimpers, biting his lip and shutting his eyes. He was getting into that sweet spot Dean absolutely loved that part of sex where Jimmy would try to stop himself from whining but fail and clutch Dean’s shoulders and ass, desperate and lost in the feeling. It was always fun, going slow like this because Jimmy was always so responsive and wouldn’t be able to hold back when it got intense. Jimmy’s whines eventually turned into moans and gibberish half-formed words and aborted sentences like “God, I” and “you, fuck,” and “Deeean”. Dean moaned, his resolve finally beginning to break. His thrusting and their breathing sped up. It wasn’t long until Jimmy’s eyes shot open, a long, shattered moan escaping his lips as he arched upwards, clutching Dean close to his chest as he came. Dean’s eyes rolled back as he kept thrusting, Jimmy shouting underneath him until he came, too.

They lay together for a while, their breathing eventually evening out and Dean pulling out. Jimmy’s thighs were still trembling when Dean rolled off him.

“You okay there, Jimjam?”

Jimmy huffed, flinging his arm across Dean’s chest. “Don’t…call me that.”

Dean chuckled, curling up next to his boyfriend. Jimmy took a little longer to come around, but when he did he curled back into Dean and they both drifted off to sleep.

**  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Five Warnings**  
>  Homophobia

 

 

By the time Jimmy got home he was beat beyond belief. He was exhausted both physically and emotionally, but he didn’t have time for that now. Claire was thrilled to see him home again, chattering on and on about what she and Henry did while he and Dean were out of town. He nodded along and asked questions at the appropriate places but she was more than happy to keep talking without his attention. Dean had offered to stay with him until they both went to work in the morning and Jimmy was too beat to tell him no. It wasn’t like he didn’t want Dean there, he just felt bad for monopolizing all his time. Jimmy loved having Dean around. He’d thought about asking Dean to move in more than once but Dean seemed to be enjoying the pace they were going and Jimmy really didn’t want to scare him off. It was hard enough finding someone who was willing to date a single dad who didn’t have kids of their own or wasn’t much older, and Jimmy intended on hanging on to Dean for as long as possible.

Dean cooked dinner, which, even though it was just a couple of frozen pizzas, was a godsend. They sat down to dinner at the dinner table while Claire talked Dean’s ear off about all the things she did over the weekend and showed him several of the new signs she learned. Dean taught her the sign for moose and told her she should use it for Sam the next time she saw him. The two of them got along so well and he was great for Claire. Jimmy loved his daughter to death, but there were times that it was hard to do it on his own. After Claire was born it felt like he'd spent nearly two and a half years in a zombie-like haze. Then after Amelia's death things he'd only gotten less sleep. Now she was growing fast, learning and exploring, and doing all the things a three-and-a-half-year-old should do. There weren’t as many nights where he had to stay up and calm her down but there were plenty of days where his nerves were too frayed to play with her like he wanted. Dean seemed to enjoy helping picking up some of the slack though, occasionally coming over to have dinner with the two of them or watch Claire when she was sick. The first time Dean came over and took care of Claire when Jimmy had the flu, Jimmy swore he couldn’t love him more. Then, of course, Dean made him soup and Jimmy was proven wrong.

Jimmy gave Claire a bath and read her a story before tucking her in. She begged through a yawn for another, but Jimmy just kissed her on the forehead and turned off the light. He slipped into his own room and changed clothes, opting for sweats and a well-worn band shirt instead of the slacks he’d been wearing all day. Thirty minutes later, when Jimmy poked his head in through her bedroom door she was fast asleep.

Dean was sitting on the couch when Jimmy came back into the room, idly flipping through the channels.

“Claire asleep?” He asked, not bothering to look up from the TV.

“Yup.” Jimmy plopped back down on the couch, laying his head in Dean’s lap and propping his feet on the arm of the couch.

Dean hummed. His free hand dropped into Jimmy’s hair, fingers tangling through the locks.

“Thank you again for staying,” Jimmy said.

“Course, babe. Did you really think I was just gonna leave you on your own after the last two weeks?”

Jimmy shrugged. “Still, you didn’t have to.”

Dean snorted, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Spending time with you and seeing Claire is such a burden on poor little ol’ me.”

Jimmy sighed, nuzzling into Dean’s thigh. “Claire likes you, you know?”

“Kinda got that when she hung on my leg like a koala. But I like her, too so it’s okay. Oh! I forgot to ask, did you want me to go with you back to Illinois next weekend?”

Jimmy huffed. His aunt had decided that selling his dad’s house was the best course of action following his death. It wasn’t like it was that big of a deal to Jimmy, after all, he hadn’t set foot in the house since college, but she wanted help sorting through some of Chuck’s old things. She and Michael and Becky could handle most of it, but there was always Cas and Jimmy’s old bedroom and all the old crap they left behind when they moved out. Amara was fine with sorting through Chuck’s stuff, but she didn’t want to mess with anything Jimmy and Cas may have forgotten about and still wanted. If it were up to Jimmy he’d tell her to pitch it or sell it, but it did seem like a big task for only three people to handle on their own.

“You don’t have to,” Jimmy said.

“What if I wanted to help?”

“Why on earth would you want to help dig through a dead guy’s stuff?”

“Because… I’m your boyfriend and that’s what boyfriends do.”

“Not usually. Usually, it’s just sex and dates and sappy four am conversations about the future. You shouldn’t have to help me move my dad’s crap out of his house or watch my daughter or cook me dinner.”

“What kind of crappy boyfriends did you have in the past? We’re a team, dude. I’m here for you. You need help with your dad’s house or your kid or your dinner plans I’m here for that just as much as I am for the sex. You know that.”

Jimmy sighed. “I don’t want you to feel obligated…”

Dean put a finger over Jimmy’s lips. “You’re doing that thing again.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

Dean removed his finger and bent down to kiss Jimmy. It was brief and a little awkward, but it was nice anyway. Jimmy fell asleep in his lap sometime after Dean started watching re-runs of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

* * *

 

Jimmy took Claire with them the weekend they went back to Pontiac. Eileen’s mother was coming into town and it wasn’t fair to them to make her and Sam look after another houseguest. Michael and Hael still lived in Pontiac, and Hael was willing to look after her and let her play with their kids, Krissy and Adam, while everyone else was busy at Chuck’s house. He felt bad about leaving her in a new place, but like the fearless little squirt she was, she took to her cousins like she’d known them all her life. A part of him wished she’d hid behind his legs and begged to stay with him, but it was better this way. It was good that she was so social and wanted to spend time with kids her own age, but it didn’t change the fact that when she toddled off to play in Adam’s sandbox he wondered if she’d do the same when she went off to college. Would she just walk away like it was nothing and never look back then, too?

The silent car ride from Michael’s to Chuck's allowed Jimmy’s thoughts about Claire’s eventual leaving to morph into guilt. Perhaps Jimmy should have tried harder with his own father. Sure, the man had been an ass most of his life, but he was family. He hadn’t felt bad about ignoring the man while he was alive, not even once, but now that he was dead… well, it was a different matter. Maybe his father had changed. Maybe they could have had some positive relationships. Maybe. Now, of course, it was too late. Amelia’s parents had stopped talking to him after her death. They’d been interested in Claire and always offered to take her during the summer or have them over for holidays, but those conversations were stilted and awkward at best. God, they didn’t even know he was dating a man. How the hell would that go over was anyone’s guess. Beside from Dean and the few friends he’d managed to make over the years he really didn’t have many people in his life. If he royally fucked up with his daughter and Dean would he really have anyone constant in his life?

He thought of Cas. He really didn’t want to, but he did anyway. It had been seven years since they broke up and he didn’t seem to have changed at all. He was a professor now like he’d always wanted and Jimmy hadn’t even gone to his graduation; he’d thrown the announcement in the trash the day he’d gotten it. What had Cas been up to all these years? Did he have a boyfriend now, too? Was he happy? Jimmy had done a fairly good job of forgetting about Cas, which was hard to do when his own face was a bitter reminder of how badly he’d fucked up the most positive thing in his entire life. He’d done a good job of trying to hate him, too, reminding himself that they were both degenerate freaks whenever he remembered the feel of his skin or the smell of his shampoo. He’d done a good job of breaking himself down and shoving those secrets as far down as denial and repression would allow. But seeing him again, in the flesh? Holding Cas in his arms and being held in turn? It broke down all those carefully crafted barriers he’d erected over the years, and all those emotions flooded back to the surface. All that regret, the anger, the sadness, were just too much to bear at once. He’d spent more time crying in private than he even wanted to admit.

Jimmy’s childhood home was nothing like he remembered. The front yard was littered with dried out weeds and grass that was a little too long. The oak tree in the front yard had branches growing out into the street. The house itself didn’t look too bad. It was a simple home, just a two bedroom, one story house off center in a cul-de-sac with gray paint. He could tell from the street that the curtains had been replaced from the pale yellow that he’d grown up with to a soft blue. The wooden steps leading up to the front door were a little suspect though, and they whined when he and Dean stepped on them.

The door was unlocked when Jimmy pushed it in. The living room was relatively the same as it had always been. The same dark wood coffee table sat in the middle of the room, same deep scratches on it’s top. The couch was the same lumpy gray cloth thing and the pictures on the wall still hung above the television. The air was stale though, probably from being vacant for three weeks. There was movement in the open kitchen and out walked Balthazar, as surly as ever, sandwich in hand.

“Jimmy! Didn’t expect to see you here,” he said, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Well Balth, I could say that same thing.”

“Cassie brought me.”

“Cas… are you two…?” Jimmy gestured vaguely with his hand between Balthazar and the open air.

“What? God no! I married a woman. Why? You’d be jealous?” He smirked.

Jimmy’s stomach dropped. Fuck. Balthazar was one of the last people he wanted to see. Years and years ago, after he and Cas broke up, he lived with Balthazar until the end of the school year. Balthazar knew all about what happened between him and Cas. He hadn’t been judgmental at the time and he sure as hell didn’t take sides. He was more in the camp of “whatever the fuck you do in the bedroom is cool as long as I don’t have to hear about it and everyone’s okay with it”, which had been great at the time. After Jimmy got married, however, they drifted apart. Balthazar never said anything, but it was pretty clear he felt Jimmy had fucked up and that whatever Cas and Jimmy had in the past they should at least try to get along in the future. Jimmy, of course, didn’t agree.

“What?” He squawked. “Why would I be jealous? I have a boyfriend. He’s…” Jimmy spun around, pulling Dean by the arm and throwing him in front of Balthazar, “Dean. This is my boyfriend, Dean. Dean, this is Balthazar. He’s an old friend from college.”

Dean stuck his hand out. Balthazar whistled. “He’s pretty. If I wasn’t married…”

“He’s mine, Balthazar. Buzz off.”

Balthazar snorted and rolled his eyes. “And I thought Cas was the possessive one.”

“Fuck off, Balth.”

“Cassie’s in your old bedroom, by the way,” Balthazar said, “you might want to make sure he’s not throwing out your shit.”

“Whatever. Don’t get your sandwich shit all over the carpet,” Jimmy said, dragging Dean behind him and marching towards his old bedroom. He was being too defensive. Dean was going to ask about this later, and that wasn’t going to be fun at all. He needed to get himself under control. He took a few deep breaths to steel himself before pushing open the door at the end of the hall, immediately losing all the air in his lungs when he walked through the doorway.

The room had hardly changed. There was a thick coat of dust on everything on Jimmy’s side of the room. His framed playbills from all the plays he’d been in in high school were still hanging on the walls. His bed sheets were still laying on the twin mattress, still haphazardly tucked in like he did when he was young. There were still crumpled paper balls on his desk. It was like he never left.

Cas cleared his throat from where he was standing across the room at the foot of his own bed. His side of the room looked like it had been messed with recently and everything was at least dusted. Half of the books on his bookshelf were gone already and there was cardboard box sitting on his bare mattress.

“Hey,” Jimmy said.

“Hello,” Cas said.

“Have you, uh, been here long?” Jimmy asked, stepping into the room and letting Dean follow behind.

“An hour or two, I think,” Castiel said. “I helped Michael put the dining set on the moving van, but I haven’t been in here very long.”

Jimmy skimmed his finger over one of the posts of his bed. “God,” he muttered under his breath.

“Dad never touched it. He didn’t touch either of our things. I suppose it was his way of respecting our privacy.”

“Way to do it once we were out of the house,” Jimmy grumbled.

Cas grunted.

Jimmy walked around the side of his bed, sitting down and causing a cloud of dust to rise up around him. He sneezed. “At least he could have dusted or something.”

“When have you known our father to willingly clean anything?” Cas asked.

Well, that was true. His childhood bedroom wasn’t all that bad, just dusty. He wasn’t looking forward to whatever Chuck’s bedroom office looked like.

Dean stepped into Jimmy’s line of sight, eyes skimming up and down the walls. Jimmy’s stomach was in knots. It was one thing to have Dean around all the time, but here he was appraising his childhood. What if he found something he didn’t like? What if Jimmy and Cas had been reckless and left something out in the open that would reveal their past? Dean would be horrified. He’d definitely leave him then, probably while screaming obscenities. God, he was going to throw up.

“You okay, Jim?” Dean asked.

Jimmy gulped. “Yeah. Yeah, just, you know, it’s… weird being back here again.”

Dean frowned, sitting down on the bed next to him. The frame squeaked under their combined weight. “I get it. We can step outside if you want.”

“No, that’s okay. I can be in here. I just,” he fiddled with the sheets next to his thighs, ”I’ll be okay.” He looked up at Cas, who was watching the two of them, no expression on his face.

Dean patted his thigh and stood. “So, what do you need me to do?” He asked.

“Well, I guess just help me put things in boxes or a pile for sale. I can’t really see there being a lot of stuff to keep, but we never know.”

Jimmy rose to his feet, dusting off his butt. He pulled the framed playbills off the wall. “What do you say? We pitch these?”

Dean looked over his shoulder. “Really? You want to throw these out? After you get the lead in King Lear?”

“It was high school, Dean.”

“So what? It was something you did. And they were important enough to frame at the time. Keep ‘em, for sentiment if nothing else.”

“I’m not really sentimental.”

Cas snorted behind them.

“What?” Jimmy barked.

Cas shrugged, holding his hands up. “Nothing. I just know that’s total bullshit.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Maybe in the past. Now though, what use is there hanging on to things that don’t serve a purpose anyone. Especially after all these years that I haven’t need or wanted them.”

“Right,” Cas said, “I suppose there is no point in things you’ve left behind all those years ago.” His lips were drawn up tight, his eyes cold and sharp.

Jimmy clenched his fists. “They’re from when I was a stupid kid. I’m a different person now.”

“Yes, well, the person you are now was built off that stupid kid. Maybe you should acknowledge that.”

“You know what…”

“Okay,” Dean said, stepping in between the two of them, blocking Jimmy’s sight of his brother. “Why don’t we just put these,” he took the frames from Jimmy’s hands, “in the keep box. If you really don’t want them in a week or two we can get rid of them. We’ve got room in the van. You don’t have to make all the decisions right now.”

Jimmy sighed. “Alright. We’ll keep them for now.” He took a few steadying breaths and tried to beat back the nerves swirling in his guts. He needed to get a hold of his temper and fast. He was going to be stuck in this room with Cas for the rest of the day and he needed to at least pretend things were normal. If not, he and Cas might end up screaming at each other and then things might wind up said and then he’d definitely fuck everything up. Just one item at a time. That’s how he needed to deal with this. One item at a time.

Cas kept mostly to himself on the other side of the bedroom while Dean and Jimmy went through Jimmy’s old things. Dean, the big sap that he was, convinced Jimmy to keep most of the stuff he’d accumulated from high school, including an entire journal full of shitty poetry he’d written to the many targets of his affection from age thirteen to eighteen. He’d caught Dean skimming through it after he put it in the box and promptly swatted it out of his hands. Dean, apparently, thought they were sweet. Jimmy wanted to set them on fire.

Jimmy was able to convince Dean that they absolutely did not need his old bed. Dean had reasoned, quite practically, that Claire would be needing a bed when she outgrew the one she was currently sleeping in, and a perfectly good frame and box spring wasn’t something that should go to waste. There was no way in hell, however, Jimmy was letting his daughter sleep in it. That bed had seen too much. His daughter was not sleeping in the bed he’d lost his virginity in. Not only no, but hell no. Dean was able to understand the argument about not letting his daughter sleep on an old mattress, which was only informed by a recent Serta commercial but stuck nonetheless.

“What’s this?” Dean asked, picking up one of the hardcover books that had remained under the bed. He flipped through the pages, and Jimmy peaked over his arm.

“Yearbook I think,” Jimmy said. “Oh god, I hope that’s not the one from ninth grade.”

“Why? What’s so bad about ninth grade.”

“Nothing.”

“He had braces for the first half of the year. They wouldn’t let him use his re-do photos for the yearbook,” Cas said.

“Hey!” Jimmy shouted.

“It’s true.”

“Nope. No Jimmy Novak in the ninth grade,” Dean said, frowning. “Shame too. I bet you looked adorable with braces.”

“I looked like a dork,” Jimmy said.

“You were a dork,” Cas said.

“The peanut gallery can quit making comments at any time.”

“There you are!” Dean said, jabbing his finger on the page.

Yup. There he was in full 2x2 glory on the third page of the seniors, in that stupid striped tie. It was way too wide and a little too long, but he didn’t own any ties at the time. His father had insisted he wore a suit for his graduations photos. He still thought it was dumb though. He would have much preferred to wear jeans and a nice sweater or something.

“Where’s Cas?” Dean asked, glancing down at the page.

“Oh, we graduated from different high schools,” Jimmy said.

“Why?”

“Got kicked out of the first one,” Jimmy said, going back the desk drawer he was rooting through. Why the hell did he have so many pens as a kid?

“I have a really hard time believing that. What’d you do, get in fights? Because I have a hard time believing that you of all people would get in fights. You won’t even kill spiders.”

“No. It wasn’t for fighting. I got expelled for kissing a boy,” Jimmy said.

“You’re fucking kidding me.”

“Nope.”

“It was pre-Lawrence v. Texas,” Cas said, “high schools had all kinds of decency policies.”

“Did you guys sue? I would’ve.”

Jimmy snorted. “Kinda hard to sue on principle when you’re a minor and your father thinks it’s a symptom of something that can be cured.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“No, ironically that wasn’t even an option at the time. First, it was therapy,” Jimmy said.

“Oh my god,” Dean’s voice trembled, “they didn’t…” he didn’t finish the sentence, but the weight of his unspoken words hung heavy in the air. It made Jimmy’s skin crawl and he fidgeted.

“No, thank god. It was a regular therapist. He mostly just wanted me to talk about how much I hated my father. Twelve sessions and a promise that I’d never do it again and dear old dad dropped the issue,” Jimmy said.

Dean shook his head. He put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder and squeezed. “I’m sorry.”

Jimmy shrugged. “Not like there’s anything I can do about it now.”

Dean squeezed his shoulder harder and an uneasy silence descended on the room. Jimmy didn’t want to talk about it, but the fact that it sat there, unaddressed made him sick.

“I’m gonna, go get some water,” he said, “anyone need anything else?”

Both Dean and Cas shook their heads, and Jimmy walked out the door, pausing for a moment to exhale and still his nerves. This day was shaping up to be a lot harder than he’d expected. God, why did he have to quit smoking again?

Jimmy walked into the kitchen and got himself a Styrofoam cup from the counter. Amara, Michael, and Becky had used their spare time over the past week to clear out some of the things that had been easy to remove. The kitchen was mostly bare at this point, all the plates and bowls and silverware having been cleared out along with whatever food and alcohol Chuck had before his death. The fridge was still plugged in and housed a few sandwiches for the moving party to munch on when they got hungry but everything else was mostly gone.

Jimmy chugged two glasses of water before he noticed he wasn’t alone.

“Lord, Jim, save some for the fishes,” Balthazar said, leaning against the counter next to him.

“Don’t call me that,” Jimmy snapped, setting the cup down on the counter.

“O-kay, someone’s testy,” Balthazar said, raising his hands in defense, “sorry.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Why the hell are you even here. Shouldn’t you be attempting to tame that disaster of a garage?”

“I would but I’ve been responsible for the shattering of two vases and blamed for the spontaneous collapse of one bookshelf already so I think I’ll pass. Who the hell keeps a bookshelf in the garage away?”

“My father, apparently.”

“You want anything, I was just about to grab Cassie and get lunch. Sandwiches are fine and all, but your aunt really needs to learn that that flabby American cheese has no place on tuna sandwiches.”

“Depends on what you’re planning to get.”

“Depends on what everyone wants but I was thinking Chicken Bucket.”

“Yeah, that’s fine I guess. Just don’t expect to get away with a single bucket. Dean’s a monster.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Balthazar batted his hand, “coleslaw?”

“God no.”

Balthazar chuckled. He stood there, saying nothing while Jimmy got yet another glass of water. He kept eye contact with Jimmy the whole time he drank it.

“What?” Jimmy asked.

Balthazar half-shrugged. “I guess, I was just expecting something different.”

“You thought I’d want coleslaw?”

“No. I mean,” Balthazar swept his arms out vaguely, “with this whole thing.”

Jimmy squinted at him.

“You know, like, with you and Cas. I mean, I don’t want to be that guy, but usually, death in the family does two things. One,” he raised a finger, “it makes all the stupid dickheads in the family argue about who gets the antique furniture and who get the blender with sentimental value. And two,” he stuck out another finger, “it makes the people who were fighting for whatever reason stop fighting and try to work it out if they can.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m pretty sure Becky is the only one who gives a damn about any of the furniture or the blenders, so, sorry to disappoint.”

“That wasn’t the point I was trying to make.”

“You know the situation, Balth. There isn’t any going back from that.”

“You say that, but I’m still friends with all my exes. Well, except for that one who tried to stab me.”

“Shhhhh,” Jimmy hissed. “Keep your goddamn voice down!”

Balth rolled his eyes.

“It’s different with me and Cas, Balth and you know that,” Jimmy said in a harsh whisper. “There’s too much baggage.”

 “Yes, I get that, but can’t you two just move past all that? I know what happened between you two was messy but you’re still brothers. You shared a womb for Chrissake. He misses you.”

“Cas doesn’t miss me,” Jimmy said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Right, I forgot you could read his mind, too. Look, you may not want to face the facts, but Jimmy, your brother misses you. And I’m pretty sure he’s not holding out any hope for anything more between the two of you. Just… would it kill you to just talk to him? Like a reasonable person?”

“Right, because that’s within the realm of possibility.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“I told you, too much baggage.”

Balthazar stared at him lips pursed. “You regret it, don’t you?”

“No.”

“Bullshit.”

“Whatever, Balthazar.” 

“You do!” Balthazar shrieked. Jimmy was on him covering his mouth with his hand. Balth squirmed under his grasp, wrenching his hand away. “You regret breaking up with him,” Balthazar said, quieter this time.

“I regret that it was ever a thing I had to break up,” Jimmy said, stepping away and shifting on his feet. He fidgeted with his long sleeves, rolling them up past it elbows. It was too hot in the room.

“You’re second worst liar I have ever met in my life,” Balthazar said.

Jimmy huffed. “You gonna go get lunch or what?”

“Fine, fine. You don’t want to admit I’m right. But, please, for the love of all that is good in this world, would you do a little personal reflection? None of us really have a whole lot of time in this world and it would be a damn shame if the two of you really never talked.”

Jimmy waved him off and Balthazar frowned, slinking out of the kitchen. Self-reflection, huh. If only Balthazar really knew how damn much self-reflection he’d done over the years. He’d picked himself apart over and over and over, coming to grips with exactly the kind of person he really was. It wasn’t fun. When it came to his mess with Cas, however, he was only certain of a few things. The first was that Castiel was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him. The second was that there was no way they could ever have anything resembling what they once did. Maybe, if they got lucky, the two of them would call each other on holidays, but even that seemed unrealistic. There was simply too much crap between the two of them. It hurt too badly to look at him and know that he was the reason for all this bullshit.

Jimmy had always had a thing for his older brother. It was sick and weird and frankly terrifying, but it was what it was. Jimmy had tried to beat that back as much as possible. But then Jimmy got expelled from school and his father started getting on his case more than usual and then, well, one thing lead to another. For a while there he convinced himself that it was okay. He and Cas were both old enough to make their own decisions, so they did. No one knew about it and no one needed to know. For years, he convinced himself that it was okay because they weren’t hurting anyone. For years, he was certain that it was always going to be him and Cas no matter what. And then he fell in love with someone else and everything shattered.

It wasn’t Amelia’s fault. She just had the misfortune of falling for someone as damaged as Jimmy who was desperate to put someone on a pedestal. She wasn’t perfect by any means, but God did Jimmy want her to be. He just put too much pressure on her. She was used to being the preacher’s daughter, of having a life and a family that lived up to all the ideals that her father had extolled all his career. Jimmy wasn’t able to give that to her. He was too wild, too flamboyant, and all around just too much. And he wanted her to be someone that she wasn’t. They both did. It was just unfortunate that she didn’t get the chance to have a decent husband who didn’t complain about church on Sundays and didn’t expect her to be the center of his universe before she died. It wasn’t all bad, though. She was the reason he had Claire now, and there was nothing in the world he’d do to change that. He’d always wanted to be a father and having Claire, well, it didn’t fix everything, didn’t fix anything really, but it did make life better. She was the little shining light in his bleak little world. She made him stronger. She made him want to do better for himself, to be a better and happier person. She was the whole reason he finally went to the doctor about those panic attacks. Things had been getting better. Then dad had to go and die on him and all that crap he’d successfully ignored or forgotten over the years came back.

It was too much. It was too much to confront the past he didn’t want to deal with and it was too much to deal with the people he had hoped would have forgotten him. He’d hoped Castiel had moved on with his life but that look in his eyes every time their eyes met across the room told him that he didn’t. Jimmy didn’t want to spend too much time analyzing that look either. He chose to interpret it as anger. It wasn’t all that hard because Cas was a master of blank expressions and damn near anything on the man could be seen as irritation or anger. So anger and hatred were what Jimmy chose to believe. Castiel had to hate him for everything Jimmy had put the two of them through because Jimmy certainly did.

* * *

 

Jimmy, Dean, and Claire stayed over at Michael’s for the weekend. Claire was thrilled to spend more time with her cousins and Hael even allowed her to sleep in Krissy’s room. Jimmy was thankful for that. Claire tended to prefer sleeping in between him and Dean when she got the chance and it would be nice to have the guest bed for just the two of them. The first day clearing out his old room had been more draining than he anticipated, both emotionally and physically.

Jimmy was half asleep by the time Dean crawled into the bed next to him, throwing the quilt over both of them. Jimmy curled into him, throwing his leg over Dean’s. Dean chuckled and stroked his hair.

“Rough day?” Dean asked.

“God yes,” Jimmy said.

“I’m sorry, babe.” Dean kissed his hair, nuzzling against his temple.

“‘S not your fault,” Jimmy said, “just a bunch of crap I didn’t want to do.”

“Yeah, but at least you got to keep your old stuff.”

Jimmy grumbled and Dean stroked a hand down his back. “I don’t know why you want to keep all that crap,” Jimmy muttered.

“Because it was important to you once. I don’t see the point in throwing it all away,” Dean said.

Jimmy grumbled, pressing himself closer to Dean’s chest.

“Babe?”

“What, Dean?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

“You know what I mean.”

Jimmy sighed. “If I let you will you let me go to sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, what?”

“What happened between you and Cas?”

Jimmy sighed, pressing further into Dean. “That’s not important right now,” he said.

“I think it is.”

“’S not.”

“Please babe, just indulge me.”

Jimmy groaned, rolling over on his back. He threw an arm over his eyes. “It’s complicated. We… fought. At the time it was dumb and it’s probably still dumb but the damage was done.”

“Do you miss him?”

“I haven’t thought about Cas in years.”

“But do you miss him?”

“It doesn’t matter, Dean. We can’t reconcile.”

“See, you say that, but I don’t think that’s true. Whatever happened between the two of you, I’m sure it can be fixed. You miss him. I can see it all over your face, at the funeral and today. He’s your brother and I know he loves you still, so why don’t you just try making things better?”

“It’s not going to do any good, Dean. I know you don’t understand but it can’t be fixed. It’s just not possible.”

“Why not?”

Jimmy groaned, rolling over on his side. “Dean, please. I’m freaking exhausted. I can’t do this right now. You want to talk about this later that’s fine but right now I just need to get some sleep. Okay?”

Dean pushed back a little, frowning. “Yeah, okay babe. Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Jimmy sighed. “Just let me get some sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Lawrence v Texas_ was a Supreme Court Case in 2003 in which the US Supreme Court ruled it was unconstitutional for states to make laws prohibiting people from engaging in sex acts like anal or oral sex in their own homes. _Lawrence _was one of the first Supreme Court cases that established some level of rights for LBGT+ individuals (Mr. Lawrence was a gay man).__  
>  While the case itself was about sex in private and the freedom to be private about your sex life, it did start to change things with respect to how certain institutions treated same-sex relationships, as it established a precedent for LGBT individuals winning in non-discriminations suits. (Though _Romer v Evans_ had established LGBT+ rights were not “special rights” in 1996, _Lawrence_ is usually seen as the game changer.) Cas is not referencing the fact that this case would have done anything special for Jimmy’s particular situation, but more the fact that after _Lawrence_ , some places like public schools changed their policies for fear of getting sued. (Though, unfortunately, not all public schools got the message.) I’m basing this mostly off the fact that this very thing happened to my cousin in 2002 and by 2004 the public school’s policy changed so that same-sex kissing was no longer an offense that could get a student expelled.  
> Also, Chuck technically could have fought it, but he chose not to because he had issues with internalized homophobia. (In this AU he’s got a lot of internalized biphobia and homophobia, but we don’t care about that ‘cause this isn’t his story.)


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

“I just don’t get why you keep doing this to yourself, Cassie,” Balthazar said through the bathroom door. “I know you’re the mopey type but come on. Just talk to Jimmy.”

Castiel sighed around his toothbrush, rolling his eyes. “Why did I decide to bring you with me again?”

“Because you love me. Also, you know what happened last time I was left alone when Meg went out of town.”

Castiel groaned and spat into the sink. He wiped the toothpaste away from his mouth with the back of his hand and jerked open the bathroom door. Balthazar wasn’t able to catch his balance in time and fell backwards to the floor. Castiel chuckled.

“You know, you think you’re being funny but you’re being a dick,” Balthazar said, standing.

“I’m under no illusions about my behavior,” Castiel said, stepping past Balthazar and into the guest room they were sharing.

“Well then quit it. Talk to your damn brother and quit taking your passive aggressive anger out on me.”

“There is absolutely nothing passive about my anger towards you, Balthazar.” Cas threw on his night shirt and plopped down on his bed, stretching out as much as he could.

Balthazar groaned and hovered at the foot of the bed, arms crossed over his chest. Castiel stared up at the ceiling, ignoring him. Or, at least he tried to. Balthazar’s irritated huffing kept getting louder and louder with fewer pauses in between.

“What? Do you have anything to say that we haven’t already covered? If not you’re going to get tired standing there all night,” Castiel said.

“Fine. Be that way,” Balthazar said, “but I really do think the two of you need to talk. You’re both older now, more mature. If anything the two of you can at least try to be brothers again.”

“I’m not even sure I know how to do that,” Castiel said. “How am I supposed to spend time with him and laugh and talk about what we’re doing with our lives if it’s a constant reminder of what I don’t have? How am I supposed to look at him and not ache?”

“Maybe, and this is just a theory, you tell him about all that. Maybe, just maybe, he feels the same as you do,” Balthazar said.

Castiel huffed, turning his face into the pillow. “You know that’s not true, Balthazar. He made his choice a long time ago. He never loved me as much as I did him.”

“Oh my god! Will you listen to yourself! You sound like one of those lovesick teenage girls in the books with the vampires. Yes, I know Jimmy broke your heart but neither of you have said a damn word to each other since it happened.”

“That’s not true. I asked him to pass the macaroni today.”

“You bloody well know what I mean, Castiel. I know you’re hurting, I do. And I feel bad for you, but that’s why I’m insisting that the two of you actually try to clear the air. Life’s short. Your father and aunt fought more often than they didn’t. Your uncles didn’t speak for years and then suddenly one of them died. I would hate for ‘pass the macaroni’ to be the last thing you ever say to Jimmy.”

Castiel blew out a heavy sigh. He would hate it, too. He’d probably beat himself up for the rest of his life. But things with Jimmy… they were just complicated. Cas still loved him and especially in the ways he should never have. And Jimmy had a family. He had Claire and Dean now and he didn’t need Castiel. And yes, Castiel was bitter. He was angry and bitter and still not over the fact that years later looking at his twin made him want to cry and scream and run away. He wasn’t over that fact that after everything they’d been through Jimmy chose Amelia over him. A practical stranger he’d known for a few months over someone he’d spent his entire life with! Fuck that! And the funeral! God, that had been a disaster. After Amelia died, Castiel made a point of going to her funeral. He wanted to reach out, to hold his brother and make it better, or at least try. He didn’t care about the baggage that went along with their past, he just wanted to help. But when he actually got there, he couldn’t even speak to Jimmy and Jimmy just glared at him the entire time like he hated his guts - like he wished it was Castiel in that coffin. Castiel should never have even gone.

But still, he couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted to be able to call his brother and talk about his day. Or rant about the crappy arguments he read from his students. Or anything really. And, it would be nice to get to know his niece. The last time he saw her she was a baby and now she was already walking and talking and asking questions. He missed Jimmy and he missed getting to know Claire.

“I know,” Castiel said.

“So are you going to talk to him?” Balthazar asked. The foot of the bed dipped as Balthazar sat down. He patted Castiel’s leg, squeezing once.

“It’s not that easy. What am I supposed to say?”

“Tell him you miss him. Tell him you’d like to start talking again. Be dramatic and tell him you don’t want your last words to each other to be ‘can you pass the macaroni?’.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I’ll try.”

* * *

 

The morning came too soon for Castiel’s liking. He spent most of the night in a fitful sleep like he had since his father’s death. It wasn’t the death of the man that bothered him; he’d mostly given up on feeling anything but ambivalence for who his father was and regret for what his father wasn’t since he was a teenager. What bothered Castiel was Jimmy. If it wasn’t bad enough that his own anger and heartache fluctuated from hour to hour, it was easy to see that Jimmy was hurting just as much. He could only imagine what was going through his brother’s head, but unless the man had had a complete personality shift, Jimmy was likely uncomfortable and anxious. He had been brushing things off and pretending the things he liked as a child no longer mattered the entire day prior, which was typical Jimmy fashion when he was hurting and irritated at others. Jimmy always was one to punish himself when the people around him were upset. It was one of the most frustrating things about him, and he’d really hoped Jimmy would have grown out of it over the years. Apparently, though, he hadn’t. Dean seemed to be able to tell that’s what Jimmy was trying to do and forced him out of that. And that was good and he was glad for his brother, obviously, but it made him more jealous than he’d care to admit. God, why did he have to be so conflicted?

After a quiet breakfast with Balthazar and Amara, the three of them were back in Chuck’s old home. Castiel and Jimmy’s old bedroom had been mostly cleared out by now, with just the desks and Castiel’s bed frame to move. The things he’d kept since he moved out, mostly just books and a few clothes he’d forgotten about, were packed in boxes in the back of his Continental. Today they were supposed to go through Chuck’s bedroom while Amara and Michael finished with the garage. Once most of the easy things were sorted though, they’d bring in a moving van and get the furniture out. Amara had asked him several times if he’d wanted the couch or the dining room table but he didn’t have room in his apartment even if he wanted it.

Castiel and Balthazar were standing in his father’s bedroom, Castiel sifting through some of the papers still left on his father’s desk while Balthazar pulled clothes out of the closet when Dean and Jimmy walked it.

“Morning, fellas,” Dean said, drink tray in hand, “we brought coffee.”

Jimmy trailed in behind him, looking like he’d gotten an hour of sleep at best.

“Cream and sugar?” Balthazar asked.

Jimmy shook the brown paper bag in his hand and set it down on the bed.

Dean then proceeded to hand out the coffee, which Castiel was pleased to find wasn’t from a gas station and took to the task of clearing clothes out of the dresser.

“How am I supposed to know what you want to keep and what you want to get rid of?” Dean asked.

“If it’s not a suit, get rid of it,” Castiel said, prying a sticky receipt off the desk.

“You sure?”

“Our father was a small man. Even if there was something I wanted to keep, I don’t think there’s any way I could wear it,” Castiel said.

Dean shrugged and proceeded to dump an entire dresser drawer into a black trash bag, which Amara would later donate to Value Village.

There was silence for most of the morning, with each of them taking to individual tasks while they waited for the coffee to kick in. Balthazar and Dean cleaned the clothes out of any place they had been, with Dean even laundering the dirty clothes before dumping them in another trash bag. Jimmy cleaned the things out from under the bed while Castiel cleared out the desk. There were an unfortunate number of empty bottles of Jack scattered on and around his father’s workspace and more than a few half-filled notebooks written in a hasty script. When he got to the top drawer, there was only a single, cloth covered photo album sitting inside.

“Huh,” Castiel hummed, bringing the photo album out. The soft material on the cover was faded and the lace around the edges yellowed with time. “Have you ever seen this before?” Castiel asked, setting it down at the foot of the bed.

Jimmy, who had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, sifting through a shoebox full of documents, peeked over the railing at the end of the bed.

“No,” he said. “What’s in it?”

Castiel flipped open the cover. There, sitting inside the laminated sheet of the first page sat a wedding invitation announcing in silver writing the winter wedding of one Charles Nicodemus Novak and Naomi Alexandra Milton.

“Looks like it’s the wedding album,” Castiel said.

“No way. I didn’t even know dad kept that thing.” Jimmy popped up, leaning over the railing. Dean and Balthazar also stopped what they were doing, hovering at the edges of the bed.

Castiel flipped the pages, brow furrowed as the photos of his parent's wedding he’d never seen. He’d seen the photo of the two of them on their wedding day, both of his parents in white standing in front of a small church. That photo had stayed on the coffee table until his father decided to try his hand at dating again when Castiel and Jimmy were in high school. These photos, however, showed the entire wedding party, with the bridesmaids in dark red dresses and the groomsmen in gray suits. There were photos of Grandma and Grandpa Novak, Cain and Abel, Amara with a wide smile on her face, and several dozen people Castiel had never seen before.

He flipped through more sheets, filled with photos of the room and décor, more people Castiel had never seen or had vaguely heard of, until he got to pictures of his mother, sitting on the front porch of some random house, the fabric of a yellow sundress stretched tight around her very obviously pregnant belly.

“I’ve never seen these pictures before,” Castiel muttered.

Jimmy hummed and leaned over the rail, hovering closer into Castiel’s space. The next photo was of his mother in a hospital bed, a baby in each arm and tucked close to her chest. The next several were of Castiel and Jimmy together, bundled in similar outfits staring up at the camera in that curious but unaware way babies often did.

“That one’s gotta be Cas,” Dean said, poking his finger at one of the photos. It was a single baby in that picture, squinting angrily at either the toys dangling from the bar on the baby swing over his head or the camera. It was hard to tell which.

“How could you possibly tell?” Castiel asked.

“Dunno,” Dean said, “just, you squint a lot and the baby looks like you.”

“We’re twins. Both babies are going to look like me,” Castiel said. “And I don’t squint a lot.”

“Yes, you do,” Jimmy said.

“No, I don’t.”

“You do,” Balthazar said.

Castiel frowned at the three of them, which only proceeded to make Dean chuckle and Jimmy shake his head.

There were more photos, mostly of himself and Jimmy as babies doing various things, like learning to walk and sleeping and taking baths and frowning at the camera. A few more pages and there were pictures of the two of them at different stages of the lives: one with Castiel and Jimmy at Disney Land, Jimmy caught in mid-eye roll, one of an elementary school talent show, one of Castiel in a suit that hung off him holding up a trophy from a debate competition. One that Dean found particularly amusing was a cross-armed Jimmy trying adamantly to ignore the camera which Castiel stuck bunny ears behind his head. That had been shortly after Jimmy had first gotten his braces, and their father was trying to get a picture to prove that it didn’t look horrible. Jimmy had been very adamant that he was never going to smile ever again in his life, which of course resulted in Castiel doing anything and everything he could to try and make him laugh. Eventually, it was a tickle fight that broke Jimmy’s resolve.

The last photo was only a few pages later. Castiel, Jimmy, and Amelia, all standing side by side outside the basketball stadium in their graduation robes. Their smiles were forced, or at least Castiel’s was. It had been the first time he’d spent any time in the same room as his brother since they broke up. The two had to sit next to each other at graduation, then again at the celebratory dinner their father took them to, pretending the whole time that they didn’t hate each other, which Castiel absolutely did. He’d hated Jimmy for years, the whole time wishing that he and Amelia would break up, if for no other reason that Jimmy would understand what it felt like to have the love of your life rip the rug out from under you. He’d felt like shit after, of course, but he was angry and bitter and he wasn’t going to apologize for that.

“What, that’s it?” Dean asked flipping the next few pages.

“Apparently,” Castiel said, looking up from the photos. Jimmy was pulling away, his eyes much wetter than they had been all day. He looked like he was about to break down sobbing, and Castiel wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him. Dean seemed to notice, too, and beat him to it, throwing an arm around Jimmy’s shoulder and stroking up and down his arm. It made Castiel’s guts twist.

“I’m gonna go get something to drink,” Jimmy said, huffing a short breath and walking out the room. Dean glanced back at Castiel once before walking out after Jimmy.

“I’m not going to say I told you so…” Balthazar said, turning back to the box he’d pulled out of the closet.

Castiel rolled his eyes.

* * *

 

The bedroom had been mostly cleared out by the time the sun set. There were a few awkward moments during the day, like when Balthazar found a half-empty bottle of Viagra in the bedside drawer and had to make a big deal about it, or when Dean found the nearly petrified remains of what they’d all assumed was once food behind the dresser. For the most part, however, it was quiet. The weight of the whole thing had hit Castiel once again, and he just didn’t feel like talking about it. His father was dead. He obviously knew that, but, every once in a while, the surreal realization that he’d never hear his father’s voice again would hit. He was never close to his father. He didn’t have the same baggage about his father that Jimmy did, thankfully being able to keep his sexuality under wraps and keeping away from any controversial topics. He’d learned a long time ago how he should talk to his father and acted accordingly. It had involved a lot of repression and silence, but it was easier that way. It was also a lot easier that he hadn’t really felt the desire to be with anyone in more than a purely sexual way since college. Balthazar had tried to set him up with any number of decent men, but none of them would ever be enough.

But the reality that his father would never be hanging over his shoulder ever again was strange. On one hand, it was sad, after all, this was his father he was talking about, but on the other, it was a little freeing. He’d never again have to hold his tongue at Christmas or pretend that he was interested in women. He’d never have to listen to long winded whining about whatever it was that his father was complaining about this week. It was a strange feeling, to feel freed by the death of a man who really had no control over his life for the past ten or so years, but it’s what he felt nonetheless.

“Are you going to need us next week?” Castiel asked his aunt as they carried the last of the boxes out to her van.

“No,” she said, “Michael, Becky, and I can handle the rest of the furniture. Unless you want to take anything.”

“I don’t have the room.”

“Well, we’re probably going to keep the desks so if you want one of them let me know.”

Castiel nodded and stuck out his hand for a handshake. Amara batted it away and pulled him into a hug. She thanked him for the millionth time and he told her it was no issue for the millionth time. They parted, and she made sure to let him know that he was always welcome for the holidays. Castiel smiled and headed to his own car.

Castiel was just about to unlock his door when Jimmy called out from behind him. “Cas, wait up a second.”

Castiel turned. The two of them were standing in the street where Castiel had parked his car, well out of earshot of the others who were lingering in the driveway.

“Yes?”

“I, uh, well, Dean wanted to know if you’d like to come over for dinner sometimes this week. He said you lived in Columbus, so it wouldn’t be all that far of a drive. Probably.”

“Does Dean want me over for dinner or do you?”

“It was Dean’s idea,” Jimmy said, looking down at his hands. “But I don’t have an issue with it.”

“You’re sure about that?” Castiel asked.

Jimmy huffed and rolled his eyes. “Look, dude, if you didn’t want the olive branch all you had to do was say no. Don’t make this more of a thing than it has to be.”

“Olive branch?”

“Yeah. That’s what this is. One of those, maybe we can start over and see where this goes things. Dean thought it would be a good idea and I’m probably never going to hear the end of it. I understand if you don’t and I won’t hold it against you but I had to ask or…I dunno, do you want to come to dinner or what?”

“I’m free Sunday night.”

Jimmy chuckled, but there was a sharp breathy edge to it. “Okay, Sunday. Um, I’m gonna need your phone number. Directions and all that.”

Castiel dug his phone out of his pocket and handed it over. Jimmy sent himself a text and handed the phone back to Castiel, only edging as close as he had to.

“I’ll see you on Sunday then,” Jimmy said.

“Sunday.” Neither of them tried to bridge the gap between them with any kind of physical affection, but they did both manage a small smile before they parted.

* * *

 

Castiel had been fussing with himself in the rearview mirror for probably longer than was necessary. Balthazar had been insufferable after Castiel told him he was going to Jimmy’s for dinner. Castiel still wasn’t sure if he’d been right, though. There was a big difference between having your boyfriend tell you to invite your estranged brother over for dinner and actually wanting to do it yourself. Still, the idea that maybe they could have something of a relationship again was exciting. He still loved Jimmy, as an ex yes, but also as a brother and if he had to settle with being desperately in love with him for the rest of his life, it would be easier to deal with if he at least got to see him and talk to him. That was the theory at least.

Castiel huffed and finally extracted himself from the car. He wasn’t here to try and impress anyone, and even if that’s what he wanted it wasn’t going to happen. This wasn’t a date, it was a family dinner and he needed to remember that.

He made his way up to the front door, pulling at his shirt collar the whole way. Was he supposed to wear a tie or was that too formal? He knocked on the door, holding his breath until it swung open.

“Hey, Cas,” Jimmy said, pulling the door open the whole way and stepping to the side. Castiel nodded and ducked in past him. Jimmy said nothing but waved him on as he walked out of the front hall and into the living room on the right side of the hall. It was a fairly clean living room for someone who lived with a child, with only a minimal number of stuffed animals and half-finished Lego buildings left on the floor. The couch was a cushy-looking leather thing, and the furniture was all soft browns. There were three large windows on the right wall, a houseplant in the corner of the room, and plush, cream-colored carpet. Claire was laid out on the floor in front of the television, coloring something with her knees together and feet at her sides in what looked him a horribly uncomfortable position.

“Claire, come meet your Uncle Cas,” Jimmy said.

Claire rose to her feet and toddled over, looking up between Castiel and her father with wide eyes. “You look the same,” she said.

“That’s because we’re twins,” Jimmy said.

“You have a twin?”

“Yes, baby,” Jimmy said.

“I want one, too.”

Jimmy laughed, ducking down to pick her up. “Say hi,” he said.

“Hi!” Claire waved with one hand while sticking her other hand in her mouth. Jimmy nudged her hand out of her mouth.

“Hello, there,” Castiel said.

“D’you want juice?” Claire asked.

“Uh…”

“That’s a good idea, kiddo,” Jimmy said, bouncing Claire in his arms. “You want something to drink, Cas? There’s coffee.”

“Coffee is fine.”

“Be right back, then,” Jimmy said, setting Claire down on the floor.

Claire stayed standing, still watching Castiel with mild interest. “D’you wanna see my dinosaur?” She asked.

“Sure…”

Claire toddled off, lying flat on the floor and pulling something out from underneath the coffee table. She came back with a fluffy green dinosaur with goofy felt triangles for teeth.

“Here,” she said, sticking it up in the air, “don’t break him.”

Castiel took the toy and looked it over, Claire standing below him the whole while, biting her lip.

“He’s very soft,” Castiel said.

“’s not a boy,” Claire said.

“My mistake. Does your dinosaur have a name?”

“Dinosaurs don’t have names,” Claire laughed.

“They could,” Castiel said, bopping her on the nose with the soft snout of the toy. She looked a little surprised at first but then giggled. “You just have to pick one for them.”

“No, that’s silly,” she said, taking the toy out of Castiel’s hands and plopping down on the floor. She scooted back over to her coloring book and went back to whatever it was that she had been doing, and Castiel just stood there. He could probably sit down or something, but he didn’t. He just stood there, waiting and glancing back at the hall occasionally while Claire hummed to herself.

It was at least five minutes later when Jimmy came back in with a single cup of coffee. “You can sit down, you know,” he said.

Castiel offered a half smile and took the cup from Jimmy, planting himself on the nearest chair. It was right next to the edge of the coffee table, and he set his cup down on one of the coasters that were already out after taking a sip. Jimmy sat down on the couch, kitty-corner to Castiel.

“It’s just black,” he said. “You still take your coffee black, right?”

“Yes.”

Jimmy leaned over himself, rubbing his hands up and down his jean covered thighs. He blew out a breath. “So, how’ve you been?” His voice was strained and pitchy.

“I’ve been good, all things considered.”

“Good. Good, that’s – that’s good.”

“You?”

“I’ve been good.”

“Good.”

“Yup,” Jimmy said, popping the p sound, “good.” He turned away, nodding, his fingers curling around his knees. There was silence for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“Jimmy, if this is too weird…”

Jimmy’s head snapped around as he looked over at Castiel. “Weird? Why would it be weird? It’s not weird.”

“Because…”

Jimmy cleared his throat, his eyes wide as he looked at Castiel, then just slightly to Castiel’s right. Castiel frowned and Jimmy rolled his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck and nudging his head in the same direction as his eyes.

Castiel turned, catching a glimpse of Dean, who was trying to hide in the hallway behind the wall. From his angle, though, Castiel could see his shadow on the floor and part of his body. Jimmy must’ve seen him as he tried to peek around the corner and get a better view of what was going on.

“Right, never mind,” Castiel said.

“So, um, what are you doing now?” Jimmy asked.

“Sitting in your living room,” Castiel said.

Jimmy rolled his eyes again, but this time there was a subtle little smile on his lips. “Career wise, Cas.”

“I’m a professor at Ohio State.”

“Fancy. Tenure?”

“Not yet, but hopefully soon,” Castiel said, “I’d think they’d like to prioritize their alumni but who knows.”

“Well that’ll be fun for you,” Jimmy said, “getting paid to nerd it up all day long is definitely ideal.”

“What about you, what are you doing?”

“Accounting,” Jimmy said. Castiel must’ve pulled a face because Jimmy outright laughed this time. It was nice to see, and Castiel couldn’t help smiling himself.

“It’s really not nearly as bad as you think it is,” Jimmy said.

“It’s math. Of course, it’s as bad as I think it is.”

Jimmy shook his head, still smiling. “Well, as much as your disdain for math still boggles my mind, it’s a good thing there are people like you who avoid it like the plague or I wouldn’t make as much as I do.”

“That’s fair.”

There was another lull in the conversation, but it wasn’t nearly as awkward as before. This time, it was interrupted by Dean, who came into the living room to tell them that dinner was ready.

Jimmy let Claire walk ahead of them as he led Castiel from the living room into the dining area. Dean was already sitting at the small table, cutting part of a chicken breast into cubes. It was chicken piccata and rice, already sitting on plates at the table. Jimmy hefted Claire up and set her down in front of the plate Dean was cutting, sitting her in a booster seat. He took the seat to her left while Dean stayed on her right. Castiel took the seat between Jimmy and Dean, across from Claire. He had a side of the table all to himself, and even though there wasn’t much space between himself and the other two men at the table, he couldn’t help but feeling like a tacked-on addition to the little scene. Which, he supposed he was. Dean and Jimmy had their own little family already, Castiel was just butting in.

“So, Cas, what’s new with you?” Dean asked, out of nowhere.

Castiel swallowed what he had in his mouth. “Uh? Not a lot. Just…regular life.”

“What’s regular life stuff for you then?” Dean asked.

“Work. Grading. Planning conferences to go to. Lunch with Balthazar sometimes.”

“What kind of conferences?” Dean asked.

“History ones. They vary, and some of them are dreadfully boring. This year though, I will be giving a talk at the Midwestern Conference for Sexuality and Society. I’ll be giving a talk about the history of gender identities in North America.”

“That sounds fun,” Dean said.

Castiel shrugged and took another forkful of rice. “They tend to be better than my classes, at least.” He stuffed the fork in his mouth.

“Yeah, you were saying something about students adamantly denying that doing gay stuff makes you gay,” Dean said.

“You’re kidding, right?” Jimmy asked. “You seriously have people in classes with a queer focus arguing with you about how queer things actually are?”

“Apparently,” Castiel said. “One of these days I should turn it into some kind of game, though drinking isn’t allowed when you’re in the classroom.” 

Dean snorted.

“My neighbor, April, still doesn’t get that Dean and I are dating,” Jimmy said.

“And this woman has seen us kiss,” Dean said.

“Didn’t she ask if we were French or something?” Jimmy asked.

“Something like that.”

Cas shook his head.

“No, seriously,” Dean said, “this woman straight up watches me plant one on him and then proceeds to laugh about how she wishes more men were as open with their affection for their friends as we were.”

Castiel snorted.

“I suggested that we – ow!” Dean jumped, glaring at Jimmy across the table.

“Little ears,” Jimmy said, tipping his head towards Claire, who was pushing her rice into a single pile.

“Oh, right.”

Claire giggled, squirming in her seat. She seemed content to just sit there and play with her rice, popping a piece of chicken into her mouth every once in a while.

“So, you got a boyfriend, Cas?” Dean asked.

“No.”

“Don’t get out much?” Dean asked.

Castiel shrugged. “More than I used to, I suppose. I just haven’t had an interest in long-term dating, not since college.” That was probably the wrong thing to say, but it just kind of slipped out.

Jimmy squirmed in his seat, clearing his throat and pointedly ignoring Castiel’s gaze.

“Why not? Can’t imagine you haven’t gotten any offers.” Dean said.

“There have been offers. I just haven’t been interested.”

“Oh,” Dean said, “it’s one of those then.”

Yes, that was definitely the wrong thing to say. Castiel looked down at his plate, pushing the capers around. He didn’t dare look up at Jimmy, who he could only imagine was either making a valiant effort of not looking mortified or did look mortified and was probably looking for an excuse to run out of the room. Of course, Castiel didn’t blame him at all. And as if right on cue, Claire asked:

“Daddy, can I be escused?” 

“It’s about time for your bath, anyway,” Jimmy said. “Go upstairs and I’ll get there in a minute.”  

Claire scooted off her chair and walked towards the staircase. Lucky.

“No, babe, it’s okay, I’ll take care of it,” Dean said.

“You don’t have to,” Jimmy said. “I can handle it.”

“You stay. Catch up with Cas. I got it.” Dean stood, taking Claire’s plate with his own and walked off towards the kitchen.

Neither of the two of them moved until the soft sound of Dean’s footsteps on the stairs could no longer be heard. Jimmy pushed himself out of his chair, letting the feet squeal against the floor as he took his dishes and to the kitchen. Castiel followed, unsure of what else to really do.

“I can do the dishes if you’d like,” he offered.

Jimmy sighed, leaning over the sink. “No, Cas, that’s fine. You just…go sit in the living room or something.”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said. He wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for, after all, he hadn’t really done anything, but it was true nonetheless.

“Don’t,” Jimmy said.

Castiel set his dishes down on the counter and walked back out of the room. It was a losing battle if he’d ever seen one and he wasn’t about to get into a fight with his brother when Dean could walk in at any time.

Castiel planted himself back in the chair he had been sitting in earlier, resigning himself to the silence of the room. He couldn’t hear Jimmy in the other room, but that was just as well. His coffee was still on the table, though it was cold now. He drank most of it anyway.

Jimmy returned with two glasses of whiskey, one he placed in front of Castiel and the other he kept. He plopped down on the couch with a sigh. He gulped down half of his whiskey and set it down on the table.

“Okay,” he said, “look, I know you don’t want to talk about this and neither do I, but we need to get a story straight. I know we’ve never discussed it so I really don’t have a cover story, but we need to get one because Dean has already been asking about why we don’t talk and he’s a stubborn asshole so he’s not going to let up.”

Castiel stared at the glass on the table, chewing on his bottom lip. “What have you said to him?”

“All I told him was that it’s complicated.”

“Understatement,” Castiel muttered.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. You could always tell him that we had a fight.”

“What about?”

“Basically, what we actually had a fight about. You chose Amelia over me.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s gonna go over well,” Jimmy snapped.

“Obviously, you’re not going to tell him the whole truth. Just, maybe tell him that Amelia didn’t like me or that I didn’t like Amelia and you were put in the middle.”

“I’m not gonna make you or her look like an ass, Cas. Neither of you did anything wrong. If anyone deserves to look like an asshole, it’s me,” Jimmy said.

“Well, that’s true.”

Jimmy bristled but didn’t defend himself. “We could say we don’t even remember what it was about,” Jimmy said.

“Then how is that complicated?”

Jimmy huffed, throwing his head back against the back of the couch. “I don’t know, Cas. I don’t know what to tell him or what I should do about this whole thing.”

Castiel took his glass of whiskey and sipped it. “If it makes things easier, I could just…disappear again. We don’t have to do this.”

Jimmy looked him over, frowning with his nose scrunched the way he did when he was disgusted. “No, Cas.” Jimmy groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Okay, look,” Jimmy said, leaning forward, his hands clasped between his knees, “I’m gonna be honest with you, this is hard. And weird. And not something I thought I would ever do. But, I don’t know if it’s smart to pretend like you don’t exist anymore. Dean knows about you. Claire knows about you.  And I just… Uncle Cain talked to me at the funeral. He doesn’t know what happened but he told me about what happened with him and his brother and I just…I don’t want to see you at your funeral, okay.”

Castiel sighed. “I don’t want to do that, either.”

“So maybe, I dunno. Maybe we can start over. Or maybe try to? If that’s okay with you.”

Castiel smiled. “Yes, that’s – I’m okay with that.”

“Okay. Good. So, that’s good. We still need a cover story for that past seven years, though.”

“Let’s just say it was a fight about what Amelia would mean for the two of us. Then you overreacted and I overreacted. That’s all we have to say to anyone. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the whole truth either. Brush Dean off if he wants too much more,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, okay, we can do that.”

There was more silence then as Castiel and Jimmy finished their drinks. Castiel felt a little lighter then. This was good. He and Jimmy could at least talk and have something of a relationship again and that was much better than he ever thought he’d get.

Dean came back down the stairs, informing Jimmy that Claire wanted him to read a bedtime story, and Jimmy pulled himself off the couch and up the stairs. Dean promptly plopped down in Jimmy’s spot, stretching out on the couch.

“You two are okay, right?” Dean asked.

“Yes, thank you. We’re fine.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. “So you talked it out and it’s all good then?”

“I believe so.” Probably not, if Castiel was honest, but that was something to think about at another time.

“Good,” Dean said, digging something out of his jeans pocket. “So, I was gonna use these, but I think you and Jimmy could use the bonding time a little more.” Dean stretched out his hand, offering two tickets, their corners folded over.

“Coffee, Chocolate, and Wine Festival?”

“Yeah,” Dean smiled, “it’s fun. My brother takes his wife to it every year. They’ve got a buttload of free wine to try. And there’s a chocolate sculpture contest. You guys will probably like it.”

“I can’t take these, Dean. You take Jimmy.” Castiel tried to hand them back but Dean wouldn’t take them.

“Nope. You two go. Have fun, eat too many sweets, and get wasted. After the month you’ve had you both deserve to have a little fun.”

Castiel frowned down at the tickets in his hands. “Alright, if you insist.”

“Who’s insisting on what?” Jimmy asked, striding into the room.

“Dean wants us to go to this,” Castiel said, sticking the tickets up in the air.

Jimmy looked back and forth between Dean and Castiel, before sitting down on the couch next to Dean. “Coffee, chocolate, and wine eh?”

“Yup. And before you tell me no, I’ve already insisted, so you have to do it,” Dean said.

Jimmy scoffed. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Can’t I?” Dean asked, nudging Jimmy with his shoulder. He smirked, waggling his eyebrows. Jimmy flushed, smiling like an idiot.

Castiel coughed. Jimmy ducked his head and Dean threw his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders.

“So,” Dean said, “you two are gonna go and have a good time and I’ll watch Claire, okay?”

Castiel nodded and Jimmy grumbled something in the affirmative. Dean seemed pleased with himself and the three of them settled into a comfortable silence which eventually grew into a conversation about recent movies. Or, more accurately, a diatribe of Dean telling Castiel he really needed to see more movies while Jimmy provided sarcastic commentary about the dumbest parts and plot holes of said movies. Castiel was almost sad to leave when he eventually pulled himself off the couch at nine thirty, but he had to teach in the morning and Dean and Jimmy had their own lives to worry about.

It was nice, though, to have Jimmy walk him to his car. They didn’t part with anything more than a handshake, but it was good to at least have that.


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

 Dean Winchester was a lot of things, but stupid wasn’t one of them. He’d accepted that Jimmy and Cas had some kind of history, that much he knew, but it just didn’t seem right. He’d given Jimmy time to come around and discuss it, if he wanted, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to the story than Jimmy had told him. Jimmy said it was complicated, then he said it was all just a misunderstanding, but he wasn’t willing to give up any details. Plus, there was the way that Cas and Jimmy acted around each other. They were distant, and Jimmy was pretty keyed up, unwilling to be alone with his brother for very long. He just wasn’t talking to him about it, and it bothered him.

There was obviously more to it, but he wasn’t going to get any information just sitting around.

“Hey, Earth to Dean,” Sam said, waving a French fry in his face.

Dean batted the fry away, scowling at his brother. This was one of his favorite things in the world, lunches with Sam. They used to do this all the time when they were younger. Dean would get out of school earlier than Sam, and he’d take his kid brother to a Dairy Queen for ice cream. Sam would always get a fudge sundae, and Dean would always have his cherry dipped cone. It was more a way to prolong their return home than anything else. It wasn’t that their childhood was especially bad, Dean was sure there were kids who had it much worse. Their mother died when they were children, and their father was absent most of the time, either because he was working or spending time with his buddies. He’d get home way too late more often than not, and Dean usually fell asleep on the couch waiting up for him. It was a lonely life, but it was better than getting beat on a daily basis. And the retreats to Dairy Queen were nice, at least. Now that Dean and Sam were older, they still did it, but it wasn’t as frequent as it once had been. Sam was married, had his own kid, and a teaching job, so he didn’t have nearly the amount of free time as he once did.

“What?” Dean grumbled.

“I asked you if you’d be able to take Henry next weekend.”

“Next weekend? Yeah, sure. I can do that.”

“Awesome. I’ll drop him off at five. Just make sure that he doesn’t get any sweets after six, no matter how much he begs. And he should be in bed by eight. And, he needs to be up no later than ten in the morning, even on the weekends.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean said, batting his hand. “I know how to take care of kids. Almost like it’s my job or something.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I know, I know. It’s just… Eileen and I haven’t been out of town for the weekend since before he was born.”

“Yeah, you’re a nervous dad, I get it. But this is my nephew. I’ll take care of him.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“You sure you’re willing to give up your weekend with Jimmy?” Sam asked, smirking.

Dean shook his head. “I don’t spend every weekend with him.”

“You kinda do.”

“Nah. Just some of the time.”

“It’s okay, you know. You guys are serious, it’s not like it’s unusual for couples to spend a lot of time together.”

“Yeah, well, Jimmy’s hanging out with his brother this weekend.”

“Jimmy has a brother?”

“Oh! Right, I didn’t tell you did I?”

Sam frowned, shaking his head.

“Jimmy’s got a twin. An identical twin, actually.”

“No way!”

“Yup,” Dean said. “Apparently, they had a fallout a while back but after the funeral, they decided to make up.”

“Makes sense. What were they fighting about?”

Dean huffed, leaning back against the vinyl bench. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Jimmy said it was some kind of miscommunication after he started dating Amelia.”

“Oh! Jealousy then?”

“No. Cas is, in his words, very gay.”

“Huh. I wonder what it was about then.”

“No idea. They’re not telling me.”

Sam sighed, leaning over the table. “You’re not going to fixate on this, are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, Sam, I really don’t.”

Sam pulled a face, pursing his lips and staring Dean down. “Yes, you do. Whenever there’s something that you can’t figure out you fixate on it forever until you figure it out. Remember that time you found a weird receipt in dad’s pants pocket when you did his laundry? The one that led you to his secret girlfriend?”

“So?”

“So, you stressed out about it for a month and it wasn’t even that big of a deal.”

“I was curious, Sam. That’s not a crime.”

“No, but you got obsessive about it for nothing.”

“I still don’t see what the problem is.”

Sam huffed. “Just…promise me you’re not going to obsess about it and get yourself stressed out over nothing. Dad wasn’t amused, and I don’t want you fucking up what you have with Jimmy because you just need to know.”

“I won’t obsess about it,” Dean said.

“Good.”

* * *

 

Dean was obsessing about it. It really shouldn’t’ve been a big deal, but it was still driving him up a wall. He really hated not knowing things, especially if those things were secrets his loved ones were keeping.

For their parts though, Cas and Jimmy were getting along much better. The two of them had been going out more, to lunch here and there or to a movie Dean didn’t want to see. He firmly believed that it was good for Jimmy, and it seemed to be good for Cas, too. Dean didn’t know if Cas had many friends, but he did know that Jimmy could stand to gain a few more. Outside of Dean and a few people he got drinks with on a blue moon, Jimmy didn’t hang out with many people. It’s not like Dean blamed him, being a single dad was probably a quick way to kill any free time he might have otherwise had. So hanging out with Cas was absolutely a good thing, but there was just…something Dean couldn’t put his finger on. There was a tension between the two of them that was hard to put a name to, but Jimmy wasn’t giving up any information so he had to figure it out on his own. Cas was stiff, too, and Dean couldn’t figure out if that was just the way he was or if he was reacting to Jimmy. It might be nice to hang out with him on his own, but he and Jimmy needed to get their relationship back on track first.

Dean was thinking over all of this while he was taking his lunch break. He was also watching the kids in the daycare with one of the other employees, a sweet man named Garth who put on puppets shows the kids loved, when he his phone rang. It was Jimmy. Jimmy never called him during the work day, so he signaled to Garth to watch the kids while he stepped outside.

“Yeah babe, what’s up?” Dean asked.

“Do you think you could go over to the house after work? Claire’s got the flu and Hannah was busy so I had to call Cas. He said it was fine but I’m gonna be late tonight because Zachariah’s a dick and Brady’s out sick.”

“Sure, babe, I can do that.”

Jimmy sighed over the phone. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Of course. You want me to pick up anything on the way? I can cook.”

“Frozen pizza or whatever is fine. Cas said he’d be making chicken soup for Claire so she’s set. Just get whatever. And maybe one of those frozen margarita thingys.”

“You know I can make real margaritas right?”

“I don’t want a real margarita, Dean. I want an alcoholic Slurpee.”

Dean chuckled. “Alright, babe. You got it. Anything else?”

“I don’t think so. I’ll text you if I think of anything else. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” And Dean hung up.

He got to Jimmy’s a little after four, unlocking the door and making his way to the kitchen. He spared a glance into the living room, seeing Cas with his head tipped back against the couch, eyes closed and snoring lightly, while Claire was nestled close to his chest, ducky blanket wrapped around her shoulder. It was adorable. Dean set the groceries on the counter, then made his way back into the living room to stand in front of Cas and Claire. He shook Cas by the shoulder, and Cas startled, jerking away.

“Hey,” Dean whispered, “it’s okay. Just me. I’m gonna take Claire up to her room, okay?”

Cas blinked a few times, shifting on the couch. “Yeah, okay,” he said, easing Claire away from his chest.

Dean took Claire into his arms. She whined, seeking out his chest as he lifted her up. “Hey, Claire-bear,” he said, as she squinted up at him. “’s just me. I’m gonna go let you sleep in your bed.” 

She whined, clutching at Dean’s shirt and sniffling. “Hurts,” she grumbled.

“What hurts baby?” Dean asked.

“Head.”

Dean pressed his lips to her forehead. She didn’t have a fever, so that was good, but she was sweating. “I know sweetie, I know.” He turned to Cas, “How long has it been since she had any Motrin?”

“Uh,” Cas pulled up his sleeve and checked his watch, “about six hours ago.”

“Yeah, okay, looks like it’s time for medicine kiddo,” Dean said.

Claire grumbled and shook her head.

“I know, meds suck, but you gotta take ‘em so you stop being sick. Maybe Uncle Cas can get you some grape juice to wash it down with?” Dean asked, looking over Claire’s head at Cas.

He nodded, scooting off the couch and grabbing Claire’s sippy cup off the table before he made his way into the kitchen. Dean set Claire down on the couch, finding the Motrin on the coffee table.

“Did you have fun with Uncle Cas today?” Dean asked, measuring out the thick pink liquid.

She nodded. “We watched Ariel,” she said.

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “Unca Cas hadn’t seed it. So I watched it with him.”

“Good,” Dean said, “Now I’m gonna need you to open your mouth and drink this, ‘kay?” Dean held up the little plastic cup. Claire frowned at him, her little nose wrinkling, but opened her mouth.

Dean helped her tip the cup back as she took her medicine, then pulled it away as she made a big fuss out of how horrible it was, wiping her tongue on the back of her hand.

“Yeah, I know, it sucks,” Dean said.

“You not asposed to say sucks,” Claire said, “it’s mean.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“”s okay,” Claire said.

Dean looked up to see Cas standing just in the doorway, smiling and shaking his head.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Nothing,” he said, walking forward and handing Claire her sippy cup. She drank half of what was in it before setting it down on the end table and snuggling into the corner of the couch.

“Okay, kiddo, you wanna stay out here or you wanna sleep in your bed?” Dean asked.

“Bed.”

“You wanna get up or should I carry you?”

Claire didn’t answer, but stuck her arms out and grabbed at the air. Dean picked her up, cradling her against his chest.

“Be right back,” he said to Cas, who was hovering in the living room and looking more than a little lost. He nodded and Dean went up the stairs.

Claire usually had a routine of begging for a story when she was put down, even if it was for a nap. This time, however, she snuggled into her pillows and let Dean tuck her in without any complaint. She really must have been be feeling like crap.

Dean ducked back out of the room and down the stairs, finding Cas right where he left him.

“You do know you’re allowed to sit down, right?” Dean asked.

Cas dipped his head, but moved over to one of the armchairs and sat. He was still pretty stiff, but at least he was sitting.

“You want something to drink? I’m pretty sure there’s beer if you’re up for it. Or there’s soda,” Dean said.

“Whatever you’re having,” Cas said.

Dean rolled his eyes and headed into the kitchen. There was beer, but he figured he might as well wait for Jimmy to get home before he had any, if he had any at all. Instead, he came back into the living room with two bottles of coke, plopping down on the couch after handing one to Cas.

“Thanks for coming over, man,” Dean said.

“Of course,” Cas said. “I was under the impression that it was a desperate situation, but I was happy to help. Besides, Claire is delightful.”

“Yeah, and you got the super grumpy pain in the ass version. You must either really like kids or she must’ve been an angel for you,” Dean said.

“She wasn’t so bad. She just wanted comfort. I don’t mind it.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t usually warm up to strangers so easy. It took me months to get her to sit on my lap on her own and I used to work at the daycare she went to.”

“Well, in her defense, I do look an awful lot like her father,” Cas said.

Dean snorted. “True. Didn’t really think of that.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at that, taking a sip of his coke.

“What?” Dean asked.

“How could you not. We’re identical.”

Dean shrugged. “I dunno, I guess I just didn’t think about it. I know Jimmy and you look alike, but not really.”

Cas frowned, the creases around his eyes widening. “That makes no sense.”

“I dunno. You’re just…stiffer? Maybe. Like Jimmy can be an absolute tight ass at times, especially when he’s anxious, but you look seriously uncomfortable. Wait, are you uncomfortable? Did I do something?”

Cas huffed a small laugh. “No, Dean, you didn’t do anything.”

“But you’re uncomfortable.”

“Well, I am in my brother’s house without him here after how many years? It’s a little awkward.”

“Okay, you got me there,” Dean said.

Cas said nothing but took another drink before setting it down on the coffee table. He leaned over on the couch, his hands clasped between his knees.

“So, Cas, what were you gonna do today. You know, before Jimmy called?”

“I was probably just going to grade papers,” Cas said. Dean pulled a face and he chuckled. It was a rumbling sound that came from deep in his throat, and Dean couldn’t help but smile. “I know. I hate it, too. I might just have my GA do it. It’s a 100-level class so there isn’t too much I need to check or worry about. As long as they know how to write a paper it’ll be fine.”

“Well, at least you got out of that one,” Dean said.

“True. And it was nice to spend some time with Claire. Even if she was sick.”

“Yeah, she’s a blast.”

“She looks like her mother,” Cas said.

“You knew Amelia?”

“Not really. I saw her a few times, but I didn’t actually know her,” Cas said.

Dean nodded. He could get into it, try to ask about some more of Jimmy’s past where it concerned Amelia and Cas, but he decided against it. He didn’t know a lot about Amelia, either, just that Jimmy was married to her for a few years before they started having issues and she died before they could either get divorced or work it out. Jimmy didn’t even keep his wedding pictures up, and Dean had only seen them when Jimmy chose to show them to him a month after they started dating.

“Can I ask you something?” Dean asked.

“If it’s about Amelia…”

“No, it’s actually about you.”

Cas reeled back a little, “What about me?”

“Who are you?”

“What?”

“Well, I mean, Jimmy and I have been dating for almost a year now and I know a bit about his past but I know nothing about you. He knows loads about my brother, so I figure I should know about you, right?”

“I suppose that makes sense.”

“So…” Dean said, scooting closer to the edge of the couch and knocking Cas’s foot with his own.

“Well, I guess there isn’t a whole lot to tell. I was a bookworm in high school and went on to be a bookworm in college and make a career around it. Jimmy has always been more excitable than I am. He was in theater, more sociable, much more outgoing. I was content by myself most of the time.”

“You’re the older one aren’t you?” Dean asked.

“How could you tell?”

“I’m the older of me and my brother, too. Didn’t have such a great upbringing either. I tend to talk about Sammy more than I talk about myself, especially when someone specifically asks about me.”

“Well, it only seems natural when you spend so much of your life caring for your younger sibling. They become a part of you. Sometimes the biggest part.”

“I can totally understand that,” Dean said. The smile that turned up the corners of Cas’s mouth was pitying, almost as if to say “no, there’s no way you could”.

“So, tell me, do you have a unicorn tramp stamp?” Dean asked.

Cas snorted. “Does he seriously still have that?”

“Yup.”

Cas shook his head. “I would have sworn he was going to get the removed one of these days. He was so drunk when he got it I’m honestly surprised the tattoo artist even let him get it.”

“Hey, drunken ass tattoos are part of the reason there are so many tattoo shops.”

“I believe it. God, you should have seen it.” Cas rubbed his hands across his face. “Jimmy decided he wanted a tattoo our freshman year of college. He’d always wanted one but, well, you’ve met our family, so that wouldn’t’ve gone over very well. Still, he was determined to get one so one night he just decides he’s going to do it. Which was fine but Jimmy is terrified of needles.”

“So, he got drunk.”

“He got so drunk. So, I take him to the tattoo parlor. He then decides that if he’s going to get a tattoo, he wants it to mean something and he wants it somewhere that our dad will never see.”

“So, he gets a unicorn on his ass?”

“A unicorn with the bi pride flag shooting out of its ass on his lower back, because, according to him ‘the next time someone’s drilling my ass I don’t want any misunderstandings’.” Cas used the finger quotes and everything.

“Was there…ever a misunderstanding?”

“You’d have to ask him,” Cas said, “I have no idea. But he wanted it and by god, he got it. The second that needle touched his skin he made this high-pitched squeal.”

“Oh, no,”

“No, it gets better. The tattoo artist manhandles him back onto the chair, and he calms down a little bit, so the artist gets back to it. You’ve seen it, you know this tattoo isn’t that big, but the whole time he’s holding onto my hand and digging in with his nails. I had bruises for three days afterward. Anyway, after it’s all said and done, he looks me in the eyes and says, “hey, that wasn’t so bad” and promptly pukes all over my shoes.”

Dean shook his head and laughed. “You know, I have no problem believing that.”

“He did shit like that all that time.”

“Did you ever do anything like that?”

“No. Well, okay, yes but not exactly. I got arrested a few times for vandalism.”

“Vandalism?”

“Once was a completely innocent piece of political street art that depicted the mayor with his face in the Pope’s ass.”

Dean snorted. “No shit!”

“Well, there might have been some of that, too.”

Dean cackled. “Yeah, no, Jimmy wasn’t the only wild one between the two of you.”

Cas smiled then. It was a soft, pleasant thing that pulled at the corners of his lips and caused his eyes to twinkle. It was absolutely beautiful.

“What about you, did you do anything wild in college?” Cas asked.

“Nah. I was working. Living with my girlfriend at the time. I didn’t really have a whole lot of time for vandalism.”

Cas rolled his eyes.

“But! I did happen to steal a rabbit from one of the biology labs once. I was supposed to let her loose in the hallway but she panicked and it didn’t feel right. So, I took her home and named her Jessica and had a pet for about two years.”

“Naturally,” Cas said, shaking his head.

“I was sure I was going to get caught for it, too. Never took another bio class as long as I went to college,” Dean said.

“Oh, hey, there is something I wanted to ask though,” Dean said. Cas nodded. “Why did they name you Castiel and give Jimmy a normal name? Not that I think your name is weird or anything, just that Castiel isn’t a name I’ve ever heard before.”

“It was probably our dad’s idea. More along the lines of him and his sister. I got the strange first name, Jimmy got the odd middle name.”

“What’s Jimmy’s middle name.”

“He hates it, just so you know.”

“All the more reason for you to tell me what it is,” Dean said, smirking.

“Emanuel.”

“That’s not so bad,” Dean said. “James Emanuel Novak. Has a nice ring to it.”

“Much better than Castiel Stephen Novak,” Cas said.

“Your middle name is Stephen?” Dean asked, giggling.

“Oh, don’t you start.”

“No, no, I’m not starting anything, honest!” Dean said, raising his hands in defense. “But Stephen?”

“You may be my brother’s boyfriend, but I will throw a pillow at your face,” Cas said, grabbing one of the throw pillows from behind him and tucking it close to his side.

“Okay, okay. No judgment. Just, you know, why did you not go by Steve? I like Cas, but Steve is more common.”

“Ugh,” Cas sneered. “No.”

“Okay, never mind,” Dean said.

A comfortable silence then descended on the two. Cas was still a little stiff in the way he held himself, but he seemed happier. He smiled a little easier and didn’t seem too concerned with how much space he was taking up if the way he was now sitting back against the couch was any indication. It was nice to see. Maybe if Dean got him more comfortable around the house he’d want to come over more and then both Cas and Jimmy would be a little happier.

“Can I ask you something, Dean?” Cas asked.

“Shoot.”

Cas took the corner of his lip into his mouth, his brow furrowed. “Why haven’t you and Jimmy moved in together yet?” He asked. “I noticed you have a few things here, like the jackets in the closet and beer in the fridge, but you don’t live here.”

Dean shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve been waiting for Jimmy, honestly. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to live with here with Jimmy and Claire but I don’t want to impose. It’s gotta be hard dating again after, you know, plus being a single dad? I don’t want to push too hard.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“’Course,” Dean said. “I dunno, though, I think it’s common courtesy.”

Cas nodded but continued chewing on his lip.

“You look like you want to say something,” Dean said.

Cas frowned, shaking his head.

“You sure?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded. “I’m just glad Jimmy has someone in his life who will take care of him. He’s a stubborn ass. And he’s infuriating. And self-destructive at times. But, you seem like a good man and for that I am glad.”

“I feel like there’s a but coming…” Dean said.

Cas sighed. “He’s got baggage.”

“I’m aware.”

“I don’t think you’re aware of the half of it, honestly,” Cas said. “Just…the man that I see now, he’s not the Jimmy that I knew. I don’t know if he’s grown up a bit or if he’s changed but…he’s not the person I once knew. He’s so stiff and skittish. Not the loud, flirtatious man I once knew.”

“Maybe it’s you,” Dean said.

Cas’s face fell. “I was afraid of that.”

“Cas…what happened between the two of you?”

Cas didn’t have time to answer before the front door clicked. Both of them jerked their heads towards the hallway, as the soft sounds of the front door closing and Jimmy’s footsteps against the wood floor entryway echoed down the hall.

Jimmy came around the corner, poking his head into the living room. “Oh. Hi. I didn’t expect you to still be here, Cas,” Jimmy said.

Cas rose to his feet. “Oh. Sorry, I wasn’t aware…”

“Cas, it’s fine. Just,” Jimmy batted his hand as he walked towards the staircase, “don’t worry about it.”

“Where are you going?” Dean asked.

“To check on my kid and get the hell out of these pants,” Jimmy said as he bounced up the stairs.

Cas turned back to Dean. “Should I leave?”

Dean shot a glance up towards the top of the stairs. Jimmy was already gone and likely out of earshot. “Nah. He’s just like this after long days.”

“Good to know some things never change.”

“You want a beer or something now?” Dean asked, “we’ve got other alcohol, too, if you want something fancy.”

“I’m still good,” Cas said, gesturing to the coke on the table.

Dean nodded, excusing himself to the kitchen. He got himself a beer and pulled the margarita slushy out of the freezer. He smacked the slushy bag against the counter once, breaking it up just enough to dump it into a tall glass and stick a straw in it.

When Dean came back into the living room, Cas was sitting back down, which was probably a good sign. He’d been half expecting to find Cas still standing. Dean set the drinks down on the coffee table and sat back on the couch. Cas snorted.

“What?”

Cas tipped his head to the bright green slush on the table.

“That’s not mine,” Dean said.

“I know.”

Jimmy came plodding down the stairs at that point, walking back into the room in his pajamas, which were just sweats and a t-shirt. He sat down on the far cushion of the couch, angled between Dean and Cas, before grabbing his margarita and slurping.

“How was Claire, today?” Jimmy asked.

“She was fine. A little fussy, but that’s to be expected. She slept most of the day,” Cas said.

“That’s good. She run a fever?”

“Small one. Nothing over 99.”

“It was cute,” Dean said, nudging Jimmy with his elbow, “I came home and they were cuddled up asleep on the couch.”

Jimmy smiled, glancing up at Dean then back over at Cas. “She doesn’t usually do that.”

“Dean was saying that,” Cas said, “but like I pointed out, I look like her dad.”

“True, but you sound like you gargle with glass and you smell like coffee and dusty books.”

Cas frowned, ducking his head and sniffing at his shirt. Dean chuckled.

Jimmy was quiet for the most part from then on. He nestled into the couch, resting against Dean, drink in his hand while the three of them carried on about a little of everything. Jimmy complained about work and how much of a dick Zachariah was being, about how much he hated filing other people’s taxes, and about the unknown asshole who kept stealing the first cup of coffee in the break room after he made a new pot. Dean complained about a finger painting disaster and how a little girl named Lilith had used another girl’s braids as paint brushes. Cas seemed amused for his part, offering sympathies and chuckling when it was appropriate. He left shortly after Dean’s stomach growled and he offered to heat up a pizza for all of them. Jimmy walked him out the door, and though Dean did his best not to spy on the two of them, he did notice the genial backslap Jimmy sent Cas off with. It wasn’t a hug, but it was getting somewhere.

“I like him,” Dean said once Jimmy had come back inside and was hovering by the oven.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, he seems pretty cool.”

“Well, as long as you don’t go kissing the wrong twin, we’re good,” Jimmy said.

“Psssh. Please. I think I can tell the difference between the two of you,” Dean said.

“Can you now, Dean?” Jimmy asked, dropping his voice to Cas-level and standing in front of Dean, arms crossed across his chest. The expression on his face was tight and cold, and he squinted at Dean like he was something alien.

“Okay, that’s just creepy,” Dean said.

“It was just a question,” Jimmy said, still in his impression of his brother, “I am curious, how easily you could differentiate the two of us if we were in the same room.”

“Easy. You wear different stuff.”

“If we switch clothes?”

Dean smirked. “Well, there is your tattoo…”

Jimmy rolled his eyes, dropping the act. “You always spoil my fun.”

Dean smirked. “Would I do that?” Dean asked, slinking forward and wrapping his arms around Jimmy’s waist.

“Yes,” Jimmy said.

“We could always convince your brother to get a tattoo. He might take it better than you did at least.”

“Oh my god, he told you?”

“Yup.” Dean chuckled.

“What an asshole,” Jimmy scoffed.

“Oh, that’s not all he told me,” Dean said, nuzzling against Jimmy’s neck.

“What did he tell you?” Jimmy asked.

“Nothin’” Dean said rubbing his stubble against Jimmy’s neck.

“That’s bullshit. What did he tell you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Seriously, Dean.” Jimmy pushed at Dean’s shoulders, the edge in his voice clear that he wasn’t in the mood to mess around.

“You’re really no fun,” Dean said, shaking his head. “Emanuel.”

Jimmy glared at him, shoving at his shoulder. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I hate you, and I hate my rat brother, and I am going to kill you both in your sleep.”

“Aw, come on. It’s not that bad,” Dean laughed.

“It’s an old guy name!”

“I can call you Manny if you prefer.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes and hip-checked Dean into the oven. It didn’t hurt but it totally caught him off guard. “I thought we agreed no rough housing in the kitchen?” Dean squawked.

“Don’t call me Manny or Emanuel, or any other dumb name and I’ll stick to that rule.”

“See, this is why you’re no fun.”

“Bite me.”

Dean, not one to be challenged, leaned in and bit down on Jimmy’s shoulder, which earned him another shove, which led to more groping and shoving that was only ended by the ding of the kitchen timer. By the time they separated, their clothes were a little rumbled and Jimmy had a few teeth indents on his skin, but they were no worse for wear.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Eight Warnings**  
>  Alright, this is where the shit starts to hit the fan. This chapter is the reason for the infidelity tag. I’m not going to spoil it here but if you’re seriously curious read the end notes.

 

 

Castiel had to tell himself that this wasn’t supposed to be a date. It wasn’t. This was just a bonding experience. He was just supposed to hang out with Jimmy for a few hours, try some wine and just…get to know his brother. He could do that. It wasn’t going to be that hard.

Except it was clear in about five minutes after the two of them piled into Castiel’s car, that it was. Jimmy smelled marvelous. That was probably a very strange way to start off, especially when he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about his brother in that way, but he couldn’t help it. Whatever cologne or soap that drifted off Jimmy’s skin was delightfully musky but not overbearing. Castiel just wanted to bury his nose in the bend of Jimmy’s neck and try to pinpoint whether it was clove or cardamom that was driving him wild.

He rolled down the window about half an inch, letting the cool spring air flow in and drown out the scent of Jimmy so close to him. Jimmy seemed a little more settled as well, as he sank down into the leather seats.

“Have you ever been to one of these before?” Castiel asked, clearing his throat.

“Nah,” Jimmy said, “getting wasted by myself never seemed like a good idea.”

“Well, then, I guess we’re both new at this.”

“Just don’t get too wasted in front of everyone, and embarrass the hell out of us, okay?”

“When have I ever gotten so drunk I was an embarrassment?”

“Michael’s high school graduation,” Jimmy said.

“I don’t remember that.”

“Of course you don’t, you were plastered. You were convinced the world was coming to an end so you just flopped down on the carpet and prepared to die. You suggested we all do the same. It was a nightmare.”

“I think you’re exaggerating.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Of course you do. Just don’t get super wasted.”

“I can control myself,” Castiel said as the pulled to a stop light. “Can you?” He turned to face Jimmy head on.

Jimmy leaned back, his gaze darting up and down Castiel’s body, assessing him. A slick little smile tugged at the corner of Jimmy’s lips and Castiel had to remind himself that he wasn’t supposed to find that enticing.

“Oh, I can control myself just fine, thank you very much,” Jimmy said. Castiel’s eyes lingered on Jimmy’s lips as he spoke.

Castiel gulped. This was flirting. This was blatant flirting he was not supposed to be engaging in with his brother, who was in a relationship – and also his brother.

A car horn blared behind them and both of them were pulled out of their staring contest. The light ahead had turned green and there were at least two car lengths of open space in front of Castiel. He hit the gas and the car behind them continued to blast its horn for a solid five seconds, just to be a dick. Jimmy shot them the finger out the window.

The Chocolate, Coffee, and Wine Festival was held at the Expo Center, though thankfully it was in the actual center itself and not in the open air. It wasn’t like that would usually be an issue, but the day was overcast, and Castiel was not willing to do much of anything in the rain, surrounded by a crowd of strangers.  Parking was outrageous, as Castiel had expected, but at least he didn’t have to worry about trying to find a place on his own. Their parking spot wasn’t all that far out, thank goodness, and Castiel and Jimmy only had to spend a few minutes walking in a semi-awkward silence before they reached the double doors of the Expo Center. He did, however, usher Jimmy ahead because he was weak and Jimmy always looked good in dark wash jeans.

Past the double doors of the convention center, Castiel and Jimmy were checked in by volunteers, hands stuffed with brightly colored paper informing them of the various events over the weekend and wrists tagged with bright green wristbands that allowed them to drink. Past the volunteer tables stood a circular table blocked off with velvet ropes. Atop the table sat a sugar sculpture at least four feet high on its own, glittering under a few overhead lights. It was probably supposed to be a tree or at least some abstract version of one. The base of the sculpture was a translucent brown sheet, curved in a way that gave the impression of a tree trunk. There were other spindles of finer green sugar coming down off it in tight ringlet curls, and ornate clusters of roses and butterflies that seemed to defy gravity attached to the sheet.

“How quick do you think you’d get diabetes if you tried to eat that thing?” Jimmy asked next to him.

Castiel snorted. “Why would you want to eat that thing. It probably just tastes like sugar.”

“Well yeah, but what else are you gonna do with it?”

Castiel shrugged. “Look at it, probably.”

Jimmy scoffed. “What do you say we figure out what the hell we’re gonna do around here? Looks like there’s a… chocolate box competition in the sub ballroom, whatever the hell that means, and a whole slew of wine vendors down that hallway,” Jimmy pointed off past Castiel’s right.

Castiel shook his head. “What’s with you and the wine? You do realize I have to drive us back, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jimmy said, “but I haven’t been to anything like this in forever and I don’t have to drive so I’m not exactly concerned about taking my time.”

“Just, don’t puke on me,” Castiel said. A woman gave them a look as she walked past.

“Scouts honor,” Jimmy said, brushing past Castiel, “now there’s a whole shitload of dark chocolate down there,” he pointed in another direction behind Castiel, “that’s got my name on it.”

“You were never a boy scout,” Castiel muttered as he followed behind.

Castiel stuck close to Jimmy, who was moving at a much faster pace than he’d seen him move in quite a while. To say that he was like a kid in a candy store would be inaccurate. Jimmy was worse than a kid in a candy store. He had to stop at every single booth, much to the chagrin of the people filling into the hallway behind them. The first few booths were just a few artisan tables where local vendors advertised their products and shops. There were a few, however, that gave out free samples, which Jimmy was more than happy to shove into his mouth.

“Dude, Cas, you need to try this!” Jimmy shouted, shoving a plastic fork covered with something brown into Castiel’s face.

“What is it?” Castiel asked, taking a step backward and nearly bumping into the woman behind him.

“Chocolate pasta. Just try it!”

“Gross. That sounds like something Claire would come up with.”

“If she did she’d be a genius,” Jimmy said, nudging the fork forward.

Castiel rolled his eyes but surged forward, taking a bite anyway. The pasta itself wasn’t all that bad, chocolatey and a little nutty, but what really caught his attention was the self-satisfied smirk splayed across Jimmy’s lips. Castiel squinted at him, purposefully dragging his lips across the plastic fork and slurping stray end of pasta into his mouth. He didn’t miss the slightly wide-eyed look in his brother’s eyes when he gave his own little smirk. Jimmy coughed, turning his attention to the nearest set of truffles and dragged Castiel along by his sleeve, though this time there was less urgency behind it.

It took them a good forty minutes to get through the entirely of the chocolates in the area. Jimmy was practically vibrating next to him, riding the sugar high like an overly excited five-year-old. They voted on their favorite chocolate boxes, which turned out to be actual boxes made out of chocolate that also held bonbons and truffles. Jimmy’s favorite was what looked like a fairy door in a tree stump, with tiny marzipan fairies outside. Castiel, on the other hand, picked the one that looked more like an ornate ivory music box. The boxes themselves were created by local pastry students at the community college, and while it showed in how lopsided some of the boxes were, Castiel was impressed that they were able to present anything made of out chocolate that looked edible and still stood up.

The next area that he and Jimmy visited, was, of course, the wine. There were at least seven different kinds of chocolate wine to sample which ranged in taste from “not that bad” to “good god, why?”. The rest of the wine was a similar sort of experience. Most of the brands that had been doled out into dixie cups for god knows how many people to try were local, artisanal brands and Castiel was more than a little weary of trying them out. He hadn’t been to an actual wine tasting since Meg and Balthazar’s wedding and this was nothing like that. This little fiasco was more akin to the kind of free samples they handed out in grocery stores when they were trying to sell new cocktail wieners. There wasn’t even any place to spit the wine, which Jimmy was definitely not complaining about.

“Since when have you ever known me to spit?” He’d asked tipping back the wine much to the chagrin of the ladies on the other side of the booth.

Jimmy kept sampling the wine and Castiel stopped altogether. Apparently, he’d been serious about his intention to get both himself and Castiel trashed, even if it had to be one tiny cup at a time. Castiel, however, still had to drive, and there was no way he was going to leave his car at the fairgrounds overnight. Jimmy, though, had nothing to worry about on that front and took to drinking like he was back in college. It was cute, at first. Jimmy tended to get a lot more affectionate when he was drunk, and with anyone and everyone who was in his general area. About an hour after they began their trip through the maze of alcohol, Jimmy had already been given the phone numbers of two women and one man, just because he had to hand out compliments on their hair and clothes and the way they laughed. Castiel had to physically drag him away when one guy started hovering a little too close to Jimmy’s neck for Castiel’s comfort. He could lie and say it was because Jimmy was supposed to be with Dean and he was just looking out for his brother, but in reality, the way that man was looking Jimmy up and down like a piece of meat pissed him off. Not because he was offended or uncomfortable, no, it was because there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

Jimmy was pleasantly past blitzed when he slung an arm around Castiel’s waist, fingers digging into Castiel’s sides, and started to sway out of the room. Castiel let him lead, not completely sure where they were headed. He’d already spent a fair amount on a couple bottles of wine, which were safely tucked away in the canvas bag Castiel had had the forethought to bring with them. Castiel too was starting to feel a pleasant buzz under his skin. He’d refrained from drinking as much as Jimmy had, but he’d had enough that the last few samples of wine he’d taken in didn’t taste all that different. He was still able to walk upright on his own, so there was that.

“We should get henna tattoos,” Jimmy said, pointing at the booth off in the corner.

“Let’s not do that,” Castiel said.

“Okay, then you should buy me chocolates,” Jimmy slurred into Castiel’s ear.

“Why should I do that?”

“Cause no one else here’s gonna do it,” Jimmy said. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was a mess from where he’d been rifling his fingers through it. Castiel didn’t even attempt to stop himself from licking his lips. “And you’re checking me out,” Jimmy said.

“What? I… no. That’s inappropriate,” Castiel said.

Jimmy rolled his eyes, leaning in closer. “So fuckin’ what? Not like it’s the worst you’ve ever done.” Jimmy snorted then, laughing to himself like he’d just said the funniest thing he could think of.

“What?” Castiel asked.

“Do you remember that time we go thrown out of that Walmart in Cincinnati?”

“Oh, god, please don’t remind me.”

“We weren’t even doing anything though! We were just fucking around in housewares!”

“You were blocking off the candle aisle via pillow fort.”

“Yeah, but so were you! You were distinctly on the cool side of the pillow barrier.”

Castiel snorted and rolled his eyes. “If there even is such a thing.”

“Man, I miss doing shit like that,” Jimmy said, squeezing Castiel close.

“You do?”

“’Course. I miss doing dumb shit with you. You’re the best.”

“You’re drunk, Jimmy.”

“Yeah, so what? Doesn’t make it any less true.”

Castiel said nothing, and Jimmy stopped the two of them, turning his brother around and staring at him with a depth and serious that rivaled Castiel’s own. “You do know that right, Cas? You’re seriously the best. The best damn brother I could have ever asked for. I love you still, you know that, right? You know I love you?”

Castiel attempted to turn away, but Jimmy pulled his face closer with both hands. “You know that, right?” Jimmy asked again.

“Of course, Jimmy, I know.”

“And you still want to be friends, right? Even after…all that shit? Cause I miss you.” Jimmy leaned into him, resting his forehead on Castiel’s shoulder.

Castiel stroked up and down his back, ignoring the twinge in his chest. “Of course, Jimmy. Of course, we’re still friends.” Jimmy clung to him, and Castiel could feel Jimmy’s heavy breathing on his neck. “Come on, Jimmy,” Castiel said, easing his brother off of him by the shoulders, “let’s go get you something to eat so you don’t start crying on me.”

“I’m not gonna cry!” Jimmy scoffed.

“Of course you’re not,” Castiel said, “but you are drunk and we know the way you get when you’ve had enough.”

Jimmy batted at the air hard enough to throw himself off balance. “You big worrier.”

Castiel let Jimmy lean into him as he led them towards the area with more vendors and much less wine. Coffee and chocolate seemed to help Jimmy stay upright, but it did very little in terms of actually sobering him up. He outright refused to leave, stating that he hadn’t tried nearly enough stuff yet.

“Jimmy?” A sudden voice came from behind the two of them, causing Castiel to turn and Jimmy to spin so fast that he nearly fell on his ass.

Behind them stood a man who towered over both of them. He smiled down at them, then furrowed his brow and looked back and forth between the two of them like a confused puppy.

“Heya, Sam,” Jimmy chirped up, waving at him.

The man, Sam, snorted. “You feelin’ okay there, Jimmy?”

Jimmy gave a thumbs up, still leaning into Castiel like his life depended on it. “I’m feeling so good, Sam.”

Sam chuckled. The woman next to him elbowed him, signing something way too quickly for Castiel to even guess what she was asking. Sam signed something back and she laughed.

“Umm?” Castiel spoke up, jostling Jimmy slightly as he coughed.

“Oh! Oops,” Sam said, “Hi, I’m Sam. This is my wife, Eileen. I'm guessing you’re Cas, Jimmy’s brother.”

“Uh? Yeah?” Sam stuck his hand out but Castiel didn’t take it. “Am I supposed to know you?”

Eileen laughed next to him. Sam rolled his eyes.

“I’m Dean’s brother,” Sam said.

“Oh, that makes sense then.” Castiel took Sam’s hand, then Eileen’s, shaking once firmly so not to disturb Jimmy too much.

“Yeah, I didn’t expect to see the two of you here,” Sam said.

“It was Dean’s idea,” Jimmy piped up, “he wants us to bond.”

“Well, nothing says brotherly bonding like getting stupid drunk, I guess,” Sam said.

“I could think of a few other things that might be more fun,” Castiel muttered. Jimmy squawked.

Sam laughed. “That bad, huh?”

Castiel shrugged. “He’s not nearly as bad as I’ve ever seen him.”

“I’m right here you know!” Jimmy smacked at Castiel, missing completely.

“Yes, I do know. You’re being loud,” Castiel said.

"I don't have a problem with his volume," Eileen said.

Sam snorted and shook his head.

“You used to like that I was loud,” Jimmy said, squinting at his brother. Castiel could smell the alcohol and coffee on his breath.

Castiel shoved him off. Sam snorted.

“You know, I’ve never seen you drunk, Jim. Kinda nice to see you loosen up, not be so straight-laced all the time,” Sam said.

Jimmy snorted. “Oh, honey, there’s nothing straight about me.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, kinda got that when you started dating my brother. I just meant usually you’ve got such a stick up your ass.”

“Stick, no. Dean’s – “ Castiel clamped his hand over Jimmy’s mouth.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, “I’d say he’s not usually like this, but unfortunately….”

Sam’s eyebrows were so far up his forehead they were hidden in the silky bangs of his hair. He giggled, a wide smile blossoming across his face. “Nah, man, this is gold. I can’t wait to give him shit about this when he’s sober.”

Jimmy squirmed, licking at Castiel’s palm. Castiel withdrew his hand. “Gross!” He dragged his palm across his jeans and Jimmy laughed.

“Serves you right,” Jimmy said.

Castiel shoved his brother, causing Jimmy to stumble and grab at the collar of Castiel’s leather jacket. He dragged Castiel with him as he slid, and Castiel tugged at his waist to keep him upright. Jimmy settled, his hands fisted at Castiel’s back and neck, fingertips brushing against the exposed skin. Their noses were only a few millimeters apart. Jimmy’s eyes darted back and forth between Castiel’s slightly unfocused. Castiel could feel his breath on his own lips, and he allowed his gaze to skim lower on Jimmy’s face. Jimmy was biting his lip and Castiel thought before he could stop himself, that he’d like to be the one to sink his teeth into Jimmy’s plush lips.

Someone coughed and Castiel eased his hands off his brother. Jimmy followed suit, albeit a little slower. Castiel caught Sam’s eyes, but the man just regarded him with mild confusion.

“I, uh, should probably get him home,” Castiel said, tipping his head towards Jimmy, “he’s too drunk to even stand.”

“Am not!” Jimmy squawked, “I’d be fine if you didn’t push me.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, hooking his arm through Jimmy’s. “It was nice to meet you Sam, Eileen,” he said. Castiel spun around and dragged Jimmy with him, speed walking as fast as possible out of the hallway. Jimmy didn’t protest, but he did make a little noise as he had trouble keeping up with Castiel’s strides.

They were in the dirt parking lot by the time Castiel slowed down enough to not be dragging his brother behind him.

“It’s a good thing I was pretty much done in there or you’d be a huge spoilsport,” Jimmy said.

Castiel scoffed. “Please.”

Jimmy leaned in close to Castiel, pillowing his head on Castiel’s shoulder. “Where’re we goin’ now, Cassie?”

“Home probably.”

“Lame.”

“Where do you want to go?” Castiel asked.

Jimmy shrugged. “Just don’t wanna go home just yet. I was enjoying this.”

“We could head over to my house?” Castiel asked. “I’ve got movies. And there’s a Chinese place that delivers a block away.”

“Yeah, okay, that sounds nice,” Jimmy said, sighing.

Castiel shrugged him off, walking at an easy pace that Jimmy could follow. He was grateful that Jimmy wasn’t bringing up the reason for their sudden departure because he wasn’t really sure what he would say about it. Castiel had had a brief moment of panic when he saw the way Sam seemed to question what had transpired between the two of them and he didn’t trust himself to not make an ass of himself if questioned about it. Jimmy had always been an affectionate, silly drunk, and apparently, the alcohol coursing through his veins was making him forget that they weren’t supposed to look at each other like they wanted to devour the other. On a good day, Castiel had trouble not letting his eyes or his thoughts drift to places they weren’t supposed to be, but when Jimmy was being an active flirt it was hell.

 

 

Castiel opened the door for Jimmy, then walked around the other side of the car to let himself in. He would be fine to drive, after all, he’d had much more water than Jimmy had. Still, he drove a little more carefully than he usually would have. Jimmy was leaning against the glass of the passenger window, his legs curled up next to him on the bench seat. The window was down a few inches, and Jimmy was wiggling his fingers out of it.

“What are you doing?” Castiel asked.

“Nothin’,” Jimmy said.

“Why are you sitting like that?” Castiel asked.

Jimmy shrugged and sighed. “’s comfy.”

Castiel didn’t say anything, but shook his head and scoffed. They were quiet while Castiel drove, the soft music of the radio the only sound. Jimmy began to shift after they hit the highway, sliding his legs closer as they drove. By the time Castiel pulled into the parking lot of his apartment, Jimmy was practically laying across the bench seat, his feet poking at Castiel’s thighs. Castiel had swatted his feet away, but Jimmy just giggled and put his foot back on the seat.

When Castiel opened the car door for Jimmy, he nearly flopped out of the car, letting his head roll back, off the seat so that he was looking up at Castiel, smiling. He stretched out his arms, laughing.

“Hey, Cas! You wanna help me up?” Jimmy asked.

“You can get up yourself,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, but,” he stretched out his hands and wiggles his fingers, “you should help me up.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, but grabbed Jimmy’s hands and heaved him upwards. Jimmy wasn’t helping much, just laughing as Castiel tried to pull his dead weight off the leather. Castiel dragged him out until Jimmy’s butt dangled over the edge of the seat, so he eased his brother to the ground. Jimmy huffed and grumbled, but Castiel made sure he wasn’t going to fall and hurt himself, no matter how much Jimmy insisted that Castiel “dropped him” and “was going to let him die!”.

When Jimmy pulled himself off the ground, canvas bag of the stuff they bought at the festival hanging off his arm, they walked into the building and took the elevator to Castiel’s third-floor apartment. Usually, Castiel would take the stairs, but with Jimmy the way he was at that moment, Castiel didn’t trust him not to trip and fall and break his face open. Castiel’s apartment was a fair walk away from the elevator, in the far corner of the apartment complex. One of the advantages of this was that he had to listen to the banging around of only one neighbor next door, and he had twice as many windows as usual. The negatives, of course, were that the windows faced the street and he got all the noise of traffic at all hours of the day directly in his bedroom. And that it was a far walk from the elevator and the outside stairs were a little rickety, so carrying groceries was always a pain in the ass.

The inside of the apartment was modest, but it was the way Castiel liked it. Most of the furniture was cloth and wicker, with tapestries and art he’d bought from local artists hanging on the walls. His favorite was the large red cloth with a printed elephant hanging over the wall he’d set his couch in front of, the one that separated the main room from the bedroom. The kitchenette was larger than most, partially because he had moved the dining table to be in front of the windows. The wall directly opposite the windows was where he kept his bookshelves, which at this point were so overfull that every time Castiel saw them he thought about getting a new one.

Castiel lead Jimmy into the room, and the two of them plopped down on the couch without preamble. Jimmy spread out, relaxed now more than Castiel had seen him in a long time. He smiled over at Castiel, and Castiel had to smile back. He was too damn cute like this, his cheeks flushed with alcohol, his eyes slightly glazed.

“Cas?” Jimmy asked.

“What?”

“What kind of Chinese do you think goes good with – “ he pulled a bottle out of the canvas bag, “Midnight Red?”

Castiel snorted. “Who names these things?” He took the bottle from Jimmy’s hands. “Which one was this again?”

“I dunno,” Jimmy said. “Must’ve been a good one though, otherwise I wouldn’t’ve bought it.”

Castiel took the bottle into the kitchen and pulled out a corkscrew from one of his drawers. He opened the bottle in order to let it breathe for a while. He wasn’t sure if this kind of wine would really need it, a lot of the wine he’d bought at the grocery store could do without it, but this was a new bottle of something he wasn’t even that sure about the quality of. He sniffed the bottle, but it smelled like so many of the other wines he’d had in his life; fruity, sour, a little bitter, but nothing special.

“It’s a red wine, so probably beef, right?” Jimmy asked from the couch. He had one arm slung over the back, and he was leaning his face into the cushion.

“Yeah,” Castiel said, “but are you sure you want to drink this with take out?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy snorted, “why not?”

“Seems a little fancy for fast food.”

“Yeah, well, fuck it,” Jimmy said, rolling his head back.

Castiel shrugged and took the menu off the fridge. His stomach had been rumbling since he’d dragged Jimmy out into the parking lot and he sure as hell didn’t feel like cooking anything. Jimmy could have his wine if he wanted, but Castiel was going to have some tea or something else that was in the fridge.

Jimmy shouted an order from where he was on the couch, and Castiel ordered. It would only take about fifteen minutes at the most for the delivery man to get there, so Castiel pulled out a glass for Jimmy’s wine and a glass for himself out of the cabinet and set them on the counter. Jimmy seemed content to just sit on the couch, watching.

Castiel poured himself a glass of orange juice and Jimmy a glass of wine and sat down on the couch next to his brother. Jimmy thanked him, a wry little smile painted across his lips.

“What?” Castiel asked.

Jimmy just shrugged. “I really enjoyed this,” he said.

“I’m glad.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“You’ve said.”

Jimmy frowned. “You don’t miss me?”

“I didn’t say that. Of course, I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah?” Jimmy asked, his eyes twinkling.

“Yes, Jimmy.”

“I’m sorry, you know. About what I did. I was… I dunno. I felt like I had no other choice, you know? I didn’t want to break up with you,” Jimmy said.

Castiel sighed. “Jimmy, do we have to talk about this right now?” It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about it ever… okay, it actually was that. Castiel was not interested in dragging up those memories. Of course, he could understand why Jimmy did what he did, sort of, but Castiel didn’t care much anymore.

“Sorry,” Jimmy said, taking a gulp of his wine.

“It’s alright,” Castiel said, “do you want to watch TV or something?”

Jimmy shrugged, sinking further into Castiel’s couch. His eyes drifted around the room, his brow furrowing as he focused on different things throughout the room. “You know,” he slurred, “I’m actually kinda surprised you decorated your home like this. And that you live in an apartment.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Jimmy gulped the last of his wine, “it’s all hippy stuff. Which, I knew you were always a secret flower child born in the wrong time period, but like, all this,” he gestured to the walls, “wasn’t expecting elephants and turtles and stuff. But like, why do you live here? You could live in a home with the money you make, right?”

“I’m not really sure how to respond to that,” Castiel said. “I like it. And I like it here. It’s not a house but I don’t need a house. I’ve got all the room I need here.”

Jimmy nodded but didn’t say anything. The doorbell rang and Castiel got up to pay the delivery man while Jimmy stood behind him and refilled his wine glass. He put way more wine in the glass than he should have, but Castiel didn’t say anything as he returned to the couch with the take-out.

Jimmy plopped onto the couch, spilling wine on his pants while Castiel took the boxes out. He handed a pair of chopsticks to Jimmy and handed Jimmy his box of Mongolian beef and a few egg rolls. There was only the sound of chewing for a while as both Castiel and Jimmy were too focused on their food to really pay much attention to each other. Jimmy was having some difficulty with his chopsticks and had taken to stabbing at his food or using them as a plank to scoop them it into his mouth. Castiel was barely able to keep from chuckling, but Jimmy still glared at him regardless.

Jimmy got restless after a while, scooting closer to Castiel on the couch. Eventually, he started to try to pick at Castiel’s orange chicken. Castiel was able to elbow him off, but Jimmy wasn’t dissuaded. He hooked his ankle around Castiel's calf and went back at it, coming at Castiel and his take-out box with his chopsticks. Castiel grumbled, trying to push his brother off and landing a good elbow shot to Jimmy’s ribs. Jimmy groaned, sticking his chopsticks back into the container and setting it down on the small coffee table in front of the couch. The then lunged for Castiel, going for his wrists immediately. Castiel had enough time to set his food down on the end table before Jimmy caught him and pressed him into the arm of the couch.

“What the fuck, Jimmy?”

Jimmy just laughed as Castiel struggled, kicking his legs out. Jimmy, undeterred, pressed himself closer and swung one of his legs over Castiel's lap so that he was straddling him.

“What are you doing?” Castiel asked.

Jimmy smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “Fucking with you mostly.”

“Why?”

“You’re fun to fuck with,” Jimmy said, sitting on Castiel’s thighs. “And I missed it.”

“Jimmy…” Castiel frowned.

“What?”

Castiel sighed, squirming. He wasn’t going to be able to get Jimmy off unless he bucked him off, and with Jimmy’s current state of inebriation he might lose his balance and hit his head on the table.

“You should get off me,” Castiel said. Jimmy’s hands were around Castiel’s wrists, pinning them to either side of his head, and Castiel could feel the way his pulse raced in his veins.

“I think I’ll stay here,” he said. The tip of his tongue darted out to lick at his lips, and Castiel shuddered. He didn’t miss the dark look in Jimmy’s unfocused eyes, and it was enough to make his stomach flip.

“You’re drunk, Jim.”

“Not that drunk,” Jimmy cooed, leaning closer to Castiel’s face. “You know I used to hate you.”

Castiel gulped. “I gathered as much.”

“That was years ago though. And I didn’t hate you. Not you. I hated me. I didn’t even like looking in the mirror in the morning because I always saw you.”

“Well, I’m glad we put that past us now,” Castiel said.

Jimmy set his forehead against Castiel’s. “I’m sorry,” he said, barely above a whisper.

“It’s ok. I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago.”

“So sorry,” Jimmy said, nuzzling his nose against Castiel’s cheek, then against the bridge of his nose. Castiel’s breath stuttered.

“Jimmy…”

Jimmy leaned in and kissed him. Castiel froze but Jimmy was insistent, his lips sliding against Castiel’s but not pulling away. Castiel tried to resist. He really did, keeping his eyes shut tight and tensing underneath his brother, hoping that maybe Jimmy would take the hint and quit kissing him, but the second Jimmy’ teeth grazed against his bottom lip, Castiel gave in. He caught Jimmy’s lip with his own, sighing at the pleasant little gasp it drew from him. Jimmy scooted closer in his lap, lifting his hands from Castiel’s wrists. Castiel let his hands skim up Jimmy’s arms and across his shoulders. He was much broader than he used to be, and Castiel dug his nails in through Jimmy’s shirt. Jimmy groaned, licking at Castiel’s lips before kissing across his jawline. Castiel shivered when Jimmy started nibbling at his ear, then chuckled in that low, whiskey-soaked voice he had when he was especially turned on.

“Fuck,” Castiel whimpered. He wanted so badly to buck his hips up, to grind into Jimmy, until he was whining then unzip both of their jeans and take them both in hand. God, Jimmy was so beautiful when he came, and Castiel longed to see it again.

The only thing that stopped him, however, was the sudden realization that there was a certain someone who was going to be incredibly pissed if he found out about this.

“Dean!” Castiel gasped, pushing at Jimmy’s shoulders.

“What?” Jimmy breathed, licking the shell of Castiel’s ear.

“Your boyfriend, dumbass. You have a boyfriend and he’s not going to appreciate this.”

Jimmy’s eyes opened wide as he pulled back, looking over his shoulder at nothing. “Oh, shit,” he breathed. Jimmy crawled off his brother, tucking himself into a ball into the opposite corner of the couch. “Oh, fuck.”

Castiel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Jimmy?”

“I don’t know what… I just… Cas you gotta believe me,” Jimmy said. He looked a little bit like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming bus.

“It’s okay, Jim, you were drunk.”

“But I… I didn’t… you can’t tell Dean! You can’t okay? Please. God, I fucked up,” Jimmy groaned, tucking his knees to his chest and covering his face with his hands.

Castiel rose to his feet, patting Jimmy on the shoulder. Jimmy jumped and looked up at him. “I’m not going to tell anyone. It’s… it’s fine Jimmy.”

Jimmy gulped, nodding.

“I’m just gonna –“ Castiel pointed towards the bathroom, but didn’t finish his sentence. He slammed the door behind him, clutching the bathroom sink for a solid five minutes before he even thought to splash water on his face.

This was so incredibly fucked up, but he wasn’t going to dwell on it. He was just going to stay here for a few more minutes and hope he’d hallucinated the entire day. Fuck. If only he’d had a little more self-control, or if he made sure Jimmy drank less. God, Jimmy was going to beat himself up for this for the rest of time. And he probably wasn’t going to be able to look Dean in the eye ever again. Goddammit! Why did he always have to fuck things up?

Castiel stayed in the bathroom for the better part of twenty minutes. When he came out, Jimmy was mostly finished with the bottle of wine they’d opened earlier, and wouldn’t look him in the eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Cas and Jimmy kiss and Dean is not aware of it. If you see that as cheating and no longer want to continue with the fic that's cool. I would ask you to consider the following, however,  
> a) This isn't going to stay a secret for long  
> b) This absolutely has consequences  
> c) Dean's got a pretty big screw up up his sleeve


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Nine Warnings**  
>  Serious invasion of privacy ahead.  
> Dean/Lisa mentioned for about three paragraphs.

 

 

Dean had hoped that getting Cas and Jimmy to spend more time with each other would help them sort out whatever issues they had with each other and for the first few weeks, it was working. They’d texted and talked on the phone a little, and the week before they went to the Coffee, Wine and Chocolate Festival the two of them had gone to lunch, but after the festival that all changed. Something must’ve fucking happened but Jimmy wasn’t talking.

He’d come home pretty drunk after the festival, stumbling a little when he made his way up the stairs and slipped into his room. Dean had been in Jimmy’s bedroom at the time, staying close to where Claire and Henry were sleeping in Claire’s room for the night, in case they needed something. Dean had tried to get something more than half-hearted grumbles out of Jimmy while the two laid in bed, but he was unsuccessful. He said nothing more than that the whole thing was “fine” the next day. That all would have been fine, but then both Castiel and Jimmy stopped talking to each other, and when Dean brought one of them up to the other they were cold and quick to change the subject. It was frustrating as hell if Dean were honest. 

Dean had thought things were taking a turn for the positive. Jimmy had been… different since his father died, but Dean wasn’t totally sure if it was good or bad. He hadn’t spoken much about his father, but Dean could kind of understand that. He had admitted, once, when they were on a date that he’d felt conflicted about it. He said he’d felt a little bad for wishing the man dead for so many years but didn’t feel about his actual death. If anything, Jimmy felt bad for not grieving all that much. Dean tried his best to soothe that, to let Jimmy know that there was no reason for him to feel guilt over a lack of feeling. Jimmy agreed and didn’t bring it up again.

Jimmy’s relationship with Cas, however, seemed bumpy, to say the least. They talked, but Jimmy was always a little antsy around him when Dean was around. Dean suspected that that might be because Jimmy was aware of that fact that Dean had noticed that Cas was attractive. It wasn’t like that should have been a surprise though, they were identical twins. And the dream’s he’d been having didn’t’ help much either. He’d see the same blue eyes staring down at him but instead of Jimmy’s voice, it would be Cas’s husky whisper saying Dean’s name. It was hard not to wonder what Cas would be like, what sounds he’d make. That, of course, made sex a little odd, with Dean biting his lip so he wouldn’t accidentally say the wrong name with Jimmy buried inside him. He’d been doing his best to keep all those things tamped down, and so far it was mostly working, even if he did have to remind himself more than once that Cas was not Jimmy, so the urge to lean over and kiss him was one he needed to ignore.

 But there was something… else that Dean couldn’t really put his finger on. The twins got along but there was a tension simmering in the air whenever they were around. Jimmy would shoot Cas these sharp looks every now and then, or he would leave the room entirely. Cas would get this distressed, kicked puppy look in his eyes every once in a while, and sometimes he would fidget, almost like he wanted to reach out and touch his brother but didn’t know if that was allowed.

On top of that, Jimmy was acting… odd. He was withdrawn and moody, freezing when Dean snuck up behind him and kissed the back of his neck or swatted him on the ass. Jimmy was normally receptive to that kind of thing, and when Dean had asked what his issue was, all he’d get in response was “I’m just not feeling up to it.”  Which was fine, but after about two weeks of being completely frozen out Dean was starting to get worried. He’d asked if he did anything which Jimmy assured him he hadn’t but Dean couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something that was making Jimmy “not feel up to it”. Whatever it was though, Jimmy wasn’t talking.

Dean finally had enough after tax season. It had been months since the death of Charles Novak and weeks since whatever spat Cas and Jimmy had. He’d devised a plan to get the two of them talking about whatever they needed to, and whether they wanted him to or not, he was going to find out, too.

* * *

 

Dean called Cas over to Jimmy’s house, under the guise of a babysitting task. Dean kept it vague but managed to sound distressed and desperate enough. Of course, when Jimmy opened the door and Cas walked in, Jimmy was pissed. He shot Dean a sharp glare that almost hurt to look at, but let Cas in nonetheless. He did drag Dean into the kitchen, however.

“What the fuck, Dean?” Jimmy hissed.

“I’m sorry, okay, but I got sick of the freeze out between the two of you. One day you guys are fine and then the next you’re not talking and you’re not talking to me. I wanna know what’s going on, so he’s not leaving here until you guys talk it out,” Dean said.

“Oh, so you think you can just invite people over to my house whenever you want?”

“Yeah, I know that was kinda a dick move – “

“Ya think!”

Dean sighed, putting his hands on Jimmy’s shoulders. Jimmy shrugged him off, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides, jaw clenched and nostrils flaring.

“I just… I want you to be happy; both of you. And you have been pissy and frigid for a while. I don’t know about Cas but I know you’re not happy. So, please, will you guys just talk? I can be here to moderate if you want, but I want this resolved.”

“It’s not your problem if it’s not resolved.”

“Yeah, babe, it kinda is. If you’re not happy, it’s my business.”

Jimmy groaned, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. “I just… this isn’t your concern, Dean.”

“You keep telling me that but honestly, I don’t believe you.”

“What?”

“You keep telling me that it’s not my concern, but you’re not telling me anything. I’m in the dark here, but if you don’t feel comfortable talking to me then at least talk to your brother,” Dean said.

Jimmy groaned, rolling his head up towards the ceiling. “It’s not that easy, Dean.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why isn’t it that easy? What’s so bad that you can’t talk to either one of us about it? I can guarantee you that whatever it is, it’s not nearly as bad as you’re making it out to be in your head.”

Jimmy let out a frustrated growl, swinging his arms at his sides and bouncing on his heels. “You know, Dean, whatever. If I talk to Cas will you let it go?” Jimmy asked.

“If you sort it out with Cas I’ll let it go.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll talk to Cas, but would you –“ Jimmy gestured toward the stairs.

Dean nodded. “I’ll stay upstairs. If you need me...”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jimmy said, waving his hand.

“Alright then.” Dean shrugged. Jimmy shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Dean left, walking up the stairs and sparing only a glance at Cas, who was sitting on the couch now, a deep frown pulling at his lips and furrowing his brow.

Dean sequestered himself in Jimmy’s room. Claire had just been put down for her nap, so he doubted he’d have to worry much about her while whatever happened downstairs happened. He sat down on Jimmy’s bed, opening the bedside table and pulling out plan B: a small baby monitor left over from Claire’s crib days.

Dean turned the monitor over in his hand. He’d hoped he could sit downstairs with Cas and Jimmy, if for no other reason than to meditate, but of course, Jimmy had refused to let that plan go through. As a back-up, he’d planted one of the baby monitors in the living room, on the bookshelf where he had hoped Jimmy wouldn’t notice. Just to make sure it would all work, he’d planted the monitor a week before, and when he came back it had remained untouched. He was certain Jimmy hadn’t even noticed it.

He’d hoped he wouldn’t have to do this. He really, really didn’t want to do this, but he almost didn’t see another choice. Something was wrong with Jimmy and it was getting scary. He could see it in the way Jimmy moved, the way he acted. He was jumpy, skittish, and cold to affection. If this was going to continue, well, Dean didn’t really see how the two of them could be a couple for very long. It wasn’t that he wanted to end it with Jimmy, in fact, that was the last thing he wanted, but if Jimmy was going to push him away and refused to talk to him they couldn’t have much of a relationship.

It had been like this with Dean’s ex, Lisa, too. He and Lisa had dated after the two of them graduated college, getting together about a year after she had her baby, Ben. Ben wasn’t Dean’s biological child, but that didn’t matter to Dean, he loved and cared for the kid as if he were his own. He’d watched Ben while Lisa worked at her cousin’s yoga studio, clothed him, bathed, him, hell, Dean was there for his first words, so as far as Dean was concerned, Ben was his in every way except biology. Lisa had been amazing. They stayed together after a hook-up and they both just kind of grew on each other. Lisa had been kind, understanding, supportive, and of course she was gorgeous. She was everything he’d always hoped for in a potential partner, and the two of them just worked well together.

That was of course until they didn’t. Ben’s father had been Lisa’s previous boyfriend, who, for the first two years of Ben’s life, was an absent dickhead who preferred to live his own life instead of even thinking about his son. Lisa was still hung up on him though, and Dean never really brought him up because she always got upset when he was mentioned. Then, he decided to show up one day daring to ask for partial custody of Ben. He was awarded it, provided he step the hell up and start paying child support. Lisa and Ben’s dad started spending more time together, and naturally there was a bit of spark there. There had to have been, after all they had been college sweethearts. Dean had been okay with that. He didn’t want there to be any hostility between his girlfriend and the father of her child, but then he and Lisa started to grow apart. He’d assumed the worst, and wound up looking like an asshole for it. Lisa hadn’t been cheating on him, she hadn’t even really been that interested in her ex, but she was a little bored. Truth be told, he and Lisa were good for each other, but they weren’t great for each other. Their lives were just… plain, and if Dean were honest, he was a little bored, too. Dean hadn’t expected any kind of wild and crazy life by being with someone who already had a kid and was, for the most part, settled down, but there was very little about their relationship or life together that Dean found challenging. His life was fine, and Lisa was fine, but it wasn’t everything he thought he’d wanted. Sure, on paper the idea of having a girlfriend and a step-kid and the potential for more was great, but in practice? Well, maybe Dean was more in love with the idea of Lisa than he was with her.

They’d tried to make it work, going out a little more and trying new things together, but their attempts at trying to ignite a dying flame were fruitless. They’d talked about it. Lisa had told him that she was just having doubts. She liked Dean but she just wasn’t sure if she wanted to balance two men and a baby and a career. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to try to build a life with Dean when she wasn’t sure if she could stand on her own two feet. She’d had these doubts for most of their relationship, but the reintroduction of Ben’s dad into their lives had only made her think about them more.

They parted as friends. Up until he started dating Jimmy he was still babysitting for her more often than not, but then Ben started to go to school. They still talked from time to time, but there was still a stilted edge to their conversations. Dean had felt like an idiot, not only for not being able to see that she’d been having doubts, but that he’d allowed himself to stay in a relationship he wasn’t completely satisfied with for so long. He also did wind up blaming Ben’s dad a little more than he probably should’ve.

Dean would have been lying if he said that he hadn’t had similar worries about starting a relationship with Jimmy. After all, they were single parents with young children and past relationships that mattered to them. But Jimmy had been different. There was just something about him that Dean couldn’t completely put his finger on that made him trust that this time would be different, that this time it might work out. So far, Dean had been right. But as Jimmy started to pull away that familiar sense of dread blossomed in Dean’s gut and he had to do something to stop this from happening again.

Dean took a deep breath. This was a serious invasion of privacy. It was fucked up and not something he should’ve done, but he turned the baby monitor on anyway.

There was static and silence at first, and for a fleeting moment, Dean was worried that the batteries died and he almost shut the thing off before he heard Cas’s voice.

“So…” Cas said, his deep rumbling voice carrying clearly over the line.

“Yeah?”

“You and Dean aren’t going out?”

There was a snort over the line that crackled in the static. “No. No, we’re not.”

“I can leave if you want me –“

“Don’t bother. If we don’t stay down here and at least pretend to talk to each other Dean’s going to have a heart attack.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“What do you think?”

Silence.

“Really, Cas? No guesses?”

“Well excuse me for not being omniscient.”

Jimmy groaned and the lights on the monitor flashed in a long string of red light. “He’s worried there’s something up with us.”

“Well, he’s not wrong.”

“I know! I know. But what do you want me to do about it?”

“Well, we could talk about it for one.”

“And what exactly do you want me to say, Cas?” Jimmy’s voice carried a sharp edge.

“Nothing, Jimmy.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Yes, well, I also know you’re not going to say what I want you to anyway. So maybe let’s just forget about it and pretend nothing happened.”

“Right, we can do that. We’ve been doing such a good job at that so far, doncha think?”

Dean found himself holding the monitor closer to his ear, straining as if listening closer would help him understand what the hell they were talking about.

“Look…” Jimmy said. He sighed. “I… I can’t say that I regret it –“

“Which time? When you got drunk and shoved your tongue down my throat or before that?”

Wait. What the fuck?

“Don’t be that way, Cas.”

“Don’t be what way? Pissed? Well sorry Jimmy, but I can’t help it. You’re so damn hot and cold all the time. We see each other for the first time in nearly four years and you don’t want anything to do with me. You had to have your damn boyfriend convince you it might be a good idea to talk to me again, then you’re pretending we can be a happy family again. We talk and we laugh like old times and I think, this is great, I can handle this. It hurts like hell to see you hanging off the arm of some Adonis but I can deal with that. I can handle not being the one you love if it means you’re happy and I might get a piece of that. But then you get plastered and practically tongue fuck me only to leave me high and dry. What do you want Jimmy, because I can’t deal with this forever? We’re either gonna be brothers or we’re gonna be exes but I won’t be jerked around like this.”

Dean’s stomach lurched. Was he hearing that right? Was that… did Cas just say? No! No fucking way.

“Maybe I don’t know what I want!” Jimmy said. “Maybe, just maybe, I’ve never moved past that stupid decision I made to choose Amelia over you! I just… fuck what am I supposed to do here, Cas? I can’t…” there was a shaky, stuttered breath on the other end of the line, “I hate myself because of this okay? I miss you. I miss you like fucking crazy and I wish we’d never had to break up but I don’t regret that we were together. But I don’t regret Amelia and all she gave me either. And Dean… I can’t even think about what this would do to him. I’m fucking stuck here Cas.”

Dean dropped the monitor on the bed. His ears were ringing and the room around him began to spin. Jimmy and Cas couldn’t be serious, could they? They had to have found out about Dean’s little plan and decided to fuck with him. That’s what it had to be, right? Cas and Jimmy hadn’t really… they wouldn’t…

Cas and Jimmy continued to talk but Dean wasn’t listening. A cold, sickly feeling prickled his skin and his heart raced. He stood up quickly, walking into the master bathroom and leaning over the counter. He turned on the faucet, filling his hands with water and splashing his face. He was breathing heavy, blinking as the water dribbled down his forehead and into his eyes. He clutched the laminate counter, it’s corners digging into his palms. It helped a little, giving him something to focus on rather than the thoughts racing through his mind. He couldn’t’ve heard what he thought he did, right? There was no way Cas and Jimmy were actually… that they’d actually ever had sex before. That was just… that was the kind of shit that happened when kids were raised in basements without human interaction or in porn when people only looked enough alike to pass as twins.

Though… it would make sense, wouldn’t it? If Cas and Jimmy had been having sex when they were younger they wouldn’t have told anyone, so if they did have some kind of fight about it, they wouldn’t exactly tell anyone why either. It would definitely fit within Jimmy’s “it’s complicated” description. Fuck. What was Dean supposed to do with this information?

“Goddammit, Dean, this is why you shouldn’t snoop on people!” He hissed at his reflection. He was a little pale and the water still dripping off his skin wasn’t making him look any better. Fuck, when Jimmy came up here… Dean could say he was just feeling a little under the weather or something. Yeah, that could work. But, was he going to be able to look Jimmy in the eyes again?

Okay, Dean needed to sit down and think about this. Dean walked back out of the bathroom, shutting off the baby monitor and shoving it back in the drawer. He plopped down on the bed with his face in the pillows. He took a deep breath, pulling in the soft scent of Jimmy’s shampoo and the mild soap smell of the detergent into his nose.

Okay. Okay, so Jimmy and Cas were probably a thing once upon a time. He couldn’t exactly ask them about it, of course, because how the fuck does anyone ask their boyfriend “Hey, did you used to fuck your brother? Just asking”. So Dean was going to take it as a fact. At least unless Cas and Jimmy started fucking with him deliberately. Then he’d call them both a dick and they’d move on with life. So, Cas and Jimmy used to fuck and then Jimmy broke it off to be with Amelia. Now, Cas was still in love with Jimmy, Jimmy missed Cas, and they’d made out after the festival Dean had sent them to. 

How the fuck was he supposed to feel about that?

The thing was, Dean wasn’t exactly grossed out about it. So they were twins and they fucked… well, they were adults at the time and as long as no one was forcing the other he didn’t really see a problem with it. Hell, the whole state of Ohio didn’t have a problem with it either, apparently. (He read an article once, okay, he didn’t go looking for the information, it was just there.) If it wasn’t illegal and they weren’t hurting anyone… well, who was Dean to tell them no? That aside though, he now had the image of his boyfriend, drunk as hell, with his tongue down Cas’s throat and an unfortunate semi.

He was a little hurt, too, which only made the boner more confusing. Jimmy wasn’t the type to sleep around. Granted, this was a drunken make-out and not the same thing, but still, it didn’t feel good. It did make Dean wonder if Jimmy still wanted him. They hadn’t had sex except for a blow job the week before, and that was Dean going down on Jimmy, and he kept his eyes closed pretty much the whole time. Maybe the best thing was to just… step aside? Jimmy was struggling with this, that much was obvious, but it wasn’t going to get better if Dean was still hanging around. It was probably hell to have to spend that much time with an ex, especially if you still had feelings for them. God, Dean was kind of a dick, wasn’t he?

The bedroom door creaked open, and Jimmy walked in. Dean jerked up instantly, scooting so he was sitting at the end of the bed.

“Well, before you ask Cas and I talked,” he said, sitting down next to Dean. Dean eased away.

“And?” Dean asked.

“Everything’s fine.” Jimmy’s lips were pursed and his shoulder were pulled up tight. Yeah, it was total bullshit, but Dean wasn’t going to argue with him.

“That’s good,” he said.

Jimmy turned, his lips curled in a small frown. “Are you alright?”

“I… uh… not really feeling that great right now,” Dean said.

“What’s wrong?” Jimmy scotched a little closer, putting the back of his hand to Dean’s forehead. “You’re a little clammy.”

“Yeah, I think it’s just my stomach.”

“Do you want me to get you anything?”

“No, no. I’m good,” Dean said, pulling Jimmy’s hand away by his wrist. “I think I just want to go home.”

“Are you sure? If you’re feeling that bad I can make you some soup or something. You can stay over if you want.”

“No. I think it’s best if I go,” Dean’s voice was a little pained, that much he could hear, and Jimmy shook his head.

“If you’re feeling that bad – “

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just go home and sleep it off, okay?”

Jimmy huffed. “If you’re sure.”

“I am sure. I’ll let you know I got home alright, okay?”

Jimmy rolled his eyes but acquiesced, planting a kiss to Dean’s forehead before Dean got up and kissed him on the cheek.

He drove home without music, the gentle thumping of tires on the road the only noise.

 

* * *

 

Dean moped for the rest of the night. He tossed and turned in bed, his mind too full of too many thoughts to sleep or even focus on one thing to stress about. Eventually, he gave up and made his way back into the living room, deciding that a little television might help to make him sleepy. Three infomercials later, he still wasn’t asleep. He sighed sinking into the couch. It would be better if he could just… talk to someone about this whole thing, as ludicrous as that sounded. But Dean really needed to get this out and in the open. He didn’t even realize he was calling Sam until his brother answered. 

“Hello?” Sam asked, his voice thick and slurred from sleep.

“Oh, um, hi, Sam.”

“Dean, it’s one in the morning. What’s wrong?”

“Is it really? Oops.”

“Yeah, oops. Now spill, what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Sammy, just… lost track of time.”

“Yeah, that’s bullshit. You don’t call me Sammy just because, Dean. So is it serious or can it wait until the morning?”

Dean sighed. Technically, it could. Really technically, this wasn’t something he wanted to talk about with his brother but Sam was on the phone now and there was no way he was getting out of this without saying something.

“Have you ever… heard something you really weren’t supposed to and now that you know about it it’s eating you up inside but it’s really secret so you can’t tell anyone?” Dean asked.

Sam huffed on the other end. There was a shuffle of fabric and the soft squeaking of a door. “What did you overhear, Dean?”

“I don’t know if I can tell you. It’s kinda… it’s big.”

“Big? Like how big?”

“Shattering my perceptions of life, reality, and everything big.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.”

“Okay, so you can’t really talk about it, but it’s shaking you up pretty bad, huh?”

“Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”

“Have you talked to Jimmy about it?”

“Uh… no that’s not really possible,” Dean felt his voice squeak.

“So it’s about Jimmy then?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it something I’m gonna have to kick his ass for?”

Dean groaned. “No, Sammy. I’m a big boy who can take care of myself, thanks. I don’t need you out there defending my honor.”

Sam chuckled. “Just checking. So, this thing about Jimmy… is it serious?”

“I dunno, Sam. Yes and no. I just… I dunno what to do about it. Or if I should do anything.”

“Were you eavesdropping again?”

“Sam,” Dean groaned.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Okay, yeah. But what was I supposed to do, Sam? Jimmy wasn’t talking to me and I was worried. You know how he gets when he shuts off like that. I didn’t want him to spiral into one of his attacks, you know? But he wasn’t gonna tell me and then he stopped talking to Cas and neither one of them were telling me shit. And I know you’re gonna tell me it was an invasion of privacy and a fucked up thing to do, but Sammy,” Dean sighed, “I just needed to know it was okay.”

“When did he stop talking to Cas?” Sam asked.

“Right after the coffee and chocolate thing.”

“Oh.”

“Oh, what?”

“I dunno, I guess… they just seemed to be having a pretty good time when Eileen and I ran into them.” Sam’s voice was tight, and Dean could practically sense the way he was stiffening and pulling away, the way he did when he wanted to play the fool.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked.

“You know, just, they were really… well, Jimmy was kinda drunk. I dunno, he just seemed way to giddy to have any kind of fight.”

“Giddy how?”

“Just… giddy. I dunno. Forget I said anything. Why are Cas and Jimmy fighting?”

“Sam, what are you not telling me.”

“It’s nothing, really. I was little toasted, too.”

“Sam…”

“Jimmy was just a really affectionate drunk. I dunno, maybe it made Cas uncomfortable.”

“Sonofabitch,” Dean groaned.

Sam was silent on the other end, not even breathing hard enough to make a sound.

“Cas and Jimmy… they’re kinda obvious, aren’t they?” Dean asked.

“Obvious?”

“I mean, once you figure it out, right?”

“Dean, I don’t…”

“Brothers don’t look at each other like that. I mean, obviously, they do because they’re actually brothers but… not if that’s all they are.” Dean couldn’t bring himself to say it above a whisper, but he said it nonetheless.

“You’re telling me… they… are a thing?”

“Were a thing, apparently. Back in college. ‘S why Cas and Jimmy didn’t talk after Jimmy got with Amelia.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, that’s…” Sam blew out a breath on the other end of the line, “that’s a lot to take in.”

“And Cas still has feelings,” Dean gulped, “for Jimmy.”

“Oh. How’d Jimmy… you know?”

“He said the same. Not in as many words but it was implied.”

“Wow. Dean, I’m… I’m not really sure what to tell you here.”

“Yeah, I didn’t expect you to.”

“So what are you gonna do with that?” Sam asked.

Dean fiddled with a loose string on his pajama bottoms. That was an excellent question, and one he wasn’t 100% ready to really face. “What can I do, Sammy? I mean, now that I know I can’t really push them to be together so often. That’s just cruel.”

“Well, they could try to get past that and be adults about the whole situation.”

Dean let out a short, sharp chuckle, “Yeah, that’s fair. You know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t love you back. That shit hurts. I can’t ask them to do that.”

“Well, what if that’s what they want? I mean, I don’t know what it’s like but I can only imagine how that actually came about. I can’t imagine they had a normal childhood if they wound up together as an actual couple and not just some experimentation or weird accident. If they’re actually in love there’s an ass load of baggage there, but they probably don’t want to be apart anymore. I’d imagine that having someone be that big of a part of your life would sting like hell to be away from.”

“Yeah, you say that, but I practically had to push Jimmy into getting back into contact with Cas. Man, if I would have known…”

“Well, Dean, all you can do is let them make their own decisions. If Cas and Jimmy don’t want to talk to each other anymore then you can’t really force them to, especially now that you know why. But if they do want to spend time together, all you can do is support them.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Do you want to talk about how it’s affecting you?” Sam asked.

Dean rolled his eyes, even though Sam couldn’t see him. “What do you want me to say about it?”

“I dunno, I mean, it’s shocking. You have to have some kind of feelings about it.”

“I’m not… I dunno, man. It’s not like… I don’t really have that much of a problem with it. It’s more that… I guess I just wish I would have known.”

“I can understand that,” Sam said, “but I also understand why Jimmy wouldn’t tell you.”

“Yeah, I guess ‘whatever’ isn’t the typical reaction to finding out your boyfriend used to sleep with his brother.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with it?” Sam asked.

“I mean… yeah. I dunno, it just… I don’t know if it’s really that big of a deal. It’s a little… weird but it’s Jimmy. Does that make me a freak?”

“I don’t think so,” Sam said, “I mean, you know Jimmy. And I know Jimmy. I don’t think it’s exactly ideal but… I guess if they’re not hurting anyone.”

“Yeah.”

Sam yawned on the other end of the phone.

“Hey, Sammy, why don’t you go back to sleep. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“Yeah, okay. Just call me if you need anything sooner.”

“Thanks, Sammy.”

“’Course. Love you, Dean.”

“Love you, too.”

Sam hung up first.

Being able to talk to someone made it a little bit better. At least, he was able to get some thought straight and out in the open. Of course, he didn’t tell Sam about the kiss. He wasn’t going to risk that, not at all. Sam was more than a little protective over him, even if Dean had told him a million times that he was able to take care of himself and deal with anyone that he needed to. Still, he knew that in Sam’s mind, a drunken make-out was pretty much the same as cheating. Dean supposed he could understand that. It didn’t sound like anything else had happened, though, which made Dean feel a little bit better.

In Dean’s mind though, the drunken make-out was something else. Jimmy was loose and free with his affections when he was drunk and wasn’t interested in holding anything back. If Jimmy kissed Cas while he was drunk, it was probably because he really wanted to. In Dean’s mind, that kiss was all the proof Dean needed. Jimmy wanted to be with Cas. And if Jimmy wanted to be with Cas, he should be allowed to. There was no one on the planet who could ever understand Jimmy the way Cas could, and as long as Dean was around, he was just in the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, Dean’s done a very bad thing.  
> But, as with Cas and Jimmy’s fuck up, this isn’t where it ends


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Ten Warnings**  
>  If you’ve stayed with me this far I’d like to say thank you.  
> There’s something vaguely interpretable as a wincest joke in here, but it’s like, one line.  
> Mentions of Cas/Mick Davies and Jimmy/Bela Talbot

 

 

_“Maybe I don’t know what I want!” Jimmy said. “Maybe, just maybe, I’ve never moved past that stupid decision I made to choose Amelia over you! I just… fuck what am I supposed to do here, Cas? I can’t…” he drew in a stuttered breath, “I hate myself because of this okay? I miss you. I miss you like fucking crazy and I wish we’d never had to break up but I don’t regret that we were together. But I don’t regret Amelia and all she gave me either. And Dean… I can’t even think about what this would do to him. I’m fucking stuck here Cas.”_

_“You’re not the only one, Jimmy. I just… I can’t stand this. I need to know what you want us to be. If we’re supposed to be brothers let’s just be brothers. No more kissing, no more subtle flirting, no more looks. If we’re going to be lovers… you need to let Dean know because I’m not going to be complicit in this.”_

Jimmy replayed the conversation over and over in his head more times than was healthy. What he’d ended up telling Cas was that he wanted the two of them to be brothers, but he didn’t mean it. What he really wanted to say was: “No, Cas, I don’t want to be your brother. I want you. And I want Dean, too, because I’m greedy and selfish and I want to wake up wedged between the two of you for the rest of my life.”

And then, if he was lucky, Cas would say he wanted that, too, and they would run up the stairs, hand in hand to tell Dean. Dean would be fine with it, and Jimmy could have it all. Jimmy could have two of the greatest men he’d ever known wrapped around him, and everything would be okay.

None of that happened. Cas had deflated a little, and he said he’d like that, too. He went home after a brief hug, and then Dean left him, too, and there was no one to keep him company other than the constant nagging voice in his head.

If Dean only knew what he and Cas were talking about downstairs, fuck, he’d be so disgusted. If he was honest, a large part of the reason he wanted to keep Cas firmly within brother territory was that he wanted to dispel any suspicion. Dean would hound him until the end of time about what happened between him and Cas. He didn’t want to keep lying to Dean, and the heartbreak he’d had to deal with every time he looked at Cas, well, he’d had to deal with that for years, just by looking in the mirror. It would probably get easier as time went on. Or at least Jimmy hoped so.

Dean was still fairly persistent the Jimmy still spend time with Cas. It was awkward, to say the least. Most of the time, however, Jimmy was able to get away with a dollar movie ever two weeks. It was easier that way, really. Cas wasn’t much of a talker during movies, but he did enjoy making sarcastic comments every once in a while. But Jimmy didn’t have to talk to Cas and Cas didn’t have to talk to him. They could spend time together to placate Dean and not have to make things even worse than they already were. Still, movies tended to suck in the middle of spring, leaving him plenty of time for his mind to wander. Cas wasn’t trying to be distracting, it was just the nature of the thing they weren’t dealing with. It was always there between them, like another person, not saying anything but waiting to be acknowledged. It made eye contact difficult.

* * *

 

Though Dean had been spending lots of time at Jimmy’s house the two hadn’t been on a date night in far too long. It was one of the things that Jimmy disliked the most about their relationship, really. While he and Dean could spend nights together whenever they really wanted, they couldn’t spend nights out without needing a babysitter for Claire. Sam and Eileen were willing to do it, but they needed their time together, too, and Sam often worked late. A few of the neighbors, like Hannah, weren’t opposed to watching her, but a few hours out could quickly double the expense and it wasn’t something Jimmy was really interested in doing all the time.

That night, however, Jimmy and Dean were finally able to get a date for themselves. They hadn’t been on one since Jimmy’s father died, and it was nice to be able to get back to somewhat normal. They’d been hanging out together, sure, and Jimmy had been out with Cas several times, but he missed being able to just spend time with his boyfriend alone and without anyone else bugging them. Dean, though, didn’t seem all that interested.

Jimmy ran his foot up the inside of Dean’s leg. He jumped, turning away from the rest of the dining room to pay attention to Jimmy.

“You’re jumpy tonight,” Jimmy said. “And distracted. What’s wrong?”

“What? Oh, nothing. I guess I’m just kinda tired tonight,” Dean said.

“Long day?”

Dean nodded as he took a drink of his water.

“You wanna talk about it?” Jimmy asked.

Dean shrugged. “Nothing big to talk about. Just broke up a fight between a couple of toddlers and thanked God once again that paste is non-toxic.”

“So what’s got you all,” Jimmy made a vague gesture with his hand, hoping Dean would fill in the blanks.

Dean frowned. “Nothin’, babe. I think I’m just tired.”

“You wanna call it an early night?” Jimmy asked.

“Nah,” Dean said. “Seems like a waste to go out to dinner just to take it home in a doggy bag.”

“Yeah, but if you’re tired…”

“Maybe we can just skip dessert.”

Jimmy let out an exaggerated gasp, clutching at his chest, “Dean Winchester does not want dessert. I’m pretty sure that’s the first seal of the Apocalypse.”

Dean let out a soft chuckle, the corner of his mouth ticking upwards just a little. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“No, Dean. This is serious. We have a duty to warn the public. The rapture is basically upon us.”

“Bite me.”

“Anytime, babe.” Jimmy bit at the air.

Dean rolled his eyes but smiled a little wider.

The rest of the night was calm and easy, even though Dean was a little more subdued than usual. Jimmy was willing to believe that Dean had had a bad day, but there was something else bugging him. Dean wasn’t the most subtle man in the world. Most of the time he was easy to read, as stress and sadness were as plain on his face as if they were actually written right there on his forehead. He was obviously not in the mood to talk about it though, so Jimmy did his best to keep it light and easy between the two of them.

By the time they finally made it back to Jimmy’s place, Claire was already in bed. Jimmy paid Hannah while Dean fell into the couch, kicking off his shoes and slipping them just under the coffee table. Jimmy came into the living room, slipping off his tie and shoes before falling into Dean’s side. Dean threw his arm around Jimmy’s shoulder and flicked on the television. They didn’t say much to each other, and Jimmy just let the deep musky scent of Dean’s cologne and soap sooth him. Dean always smelled so nice, even when he spent the weekends tuning up their cars and was covered in sweat and grease.

Jimmy sighed, nuzzling into Dean’s neck. Dean shuddered a little as Jimmy breathed against his neck.

“Am I bugging you?” Jimmy asked, kissing lightly against Dean’s neck.

“Tickles.”

Jimmy chuckled, blowing a steady stream of air against his boyfriend’s neck.

“Dick,” Dean grumbled, wiggling an inch or two away.

Jimmy scooted closer, continuing to kiss Dean’s neck, nibbling every once in a while. Dean just sat there and let him do it, but didn’t move either towards or away from him. Jimmy drug his teeth across Dean’s earlobe, eliciting a small shudder from him.

Jimmy threaded his fingers through Dean’s and set Dean’s hand down on his thigh. Dean rubbed at his thigh lightly, not really looking to instigate anything, but providing a soothing presence. But Jimmy was looking to move things a little further into bedroom territory, so he tipped Dean’s chin towards him and kissed him on the lips. He moved slow, trying to coax Dean into heavier action. He nipped at Dean’s lip, causing Dean to jerk back just a bit, not sighing or diving in like he usually would.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Jimmy asked.

“Nothing,” Dean said, looking off towards the television.

“Bullshit. What’s on your mind?” Jimmy grabbed Dean’s hand, squeezing lightly.

“Nothing. I’m just tired.”

“You wanna go to bed?” Jimmy asked.

Dean shrugged.

“Dean,” Jimmy squeezed Dean’s hand tight. He did his best to look expectant.

“God, don’t give me your dad look,” Dean groaned.

“Don’t make me give you my dad look. Talk to me.”

Dean snorted, shaking his head. “It’s fine, babe. Really, it’s nothing. I just… I think I should go home. Sam’s got a thing tomorrow and he needs me to watch Henry so I can’t really oversleep.” He pulled his hand out of Jimmy’s and bent down to slip his shoes back on.

Jimmy squinted at him. This was the first he was hearing of it, but if Dean said he had to watch Henry then he probably did. “Alright, well, if you need to go then, that’s okay. Just… promise me you’re really okay.”

“I’m okay.” Dean smiled, but his eyes remained focused on some point in the distance.

Jimmy sighed. He wasn’t going to get anything out of Dean right now. If there was one thing the two of them had in common, it was their dedication to being horribly stubborn bastards when they wanted to be.

“Alright, well, I’ll walk you to your car.”

After a brief peck on the lips, Jimmy watched from the porch until Dean’s headlights disappeared. He went to bed alone, for the first date night in months.

* * *

 

Jimmy threw his phone down on the couch, groaning. He’d invited Dean over three times over the past week and he’d turned him down every single time. Either Dean was lying or he really needed to get to a doctor about his headaches. Their last date night, the one Dean called to an early end, had been two weeks prior, and they’d only spent two days together since then. The sudden change in Dean was concerning, and all Jimmy could think was that he was about to get broken up with. He hadn’t actually been in all that many long-term relationships, but he knew the routine well enough. Dean was pulling away, probably in an attempt to soften the blow when he actually pulled the plug on their relationship and frankly it pissed Jimmy off. He wasn’t some teenager who needed to be let down easy, he was a grown ass man! If Dean wanted to break it off with him, he just needed to do it. Or, if something was bothering him, he could just talk to Jimmy about it.

Of course, that left Jimmy to try to understand what he’d done. The last he knew he and Dean were going great. He was even thinking about asking Dean to move in with him before this whole mess with his father and Cas happened. It couldn’t be Cas because Dean was pretty determined to mend Cas and Jimmy’s relationship. Was there something going on with Dean that Jimmy had missed? Had he had some crisis that Jimmy just wasn’t paying attention to because he was too wrapped up in himself? Should he call Sam? God, he’d look like the most self-absorbed piece of shit in the world if something big had happened to Dean and he had to ask Dean’s brother to figure out what it was. If that was the case, maybe Dean really should break up with him.

Claire looked over at him from where she was seated on the floor. She’d been slamming her stuffed animals together, apparently trying to get her stuffed giraffe to seek vengeance on the stuffed lion for its friends who’d been eaten on the discovery channel… or something. He definitely heard something along the lines of “prepare to die” in there. Then again, maybe Dean had been quoting Princes Bride to her again.

“Daddy?” She asked.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Why are you sad?”

“I’m not sad, honey. Just dealing with adult stuff,” Jimmy said.

Claire toddled over and climbed up on the couch next to her father, dangling her giraffe by the neck. “What adult stuff?”

“Oh, nothing you need to worry about, kiddo. Boring stuff.”

“Oh. Okay. Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“When is Dean coming over?”

Jimmy sighed. “I dunno, sweetie. He hasn’t been feeling good recently.”

“No! We should make soup.”

“You think we should make Dean soup?”

“Yeah! He’ll feel better. We can put feel better crackers in it and lots of noodles. And he can borrow my ‘raffe.”

“That’s sweet of you buglet,” Jimmy said, “but I think Dean wants to sleep right now. We can still make soup if you want, though.”

Claire considered this for a moment before shaking her head. “No, I want chicky.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes and smiled. “You keep eating chicken you’re gonna turn into one.”

“No!” Claire squealed.

“Yes, you are.” Jimmy laughed. “What sound does a chicken make?”

Claire stuck her hands on her hips, shaking her shoulders and thrusting her elbows outward. She did her best clucking noise, which was really nothing more than a high pitched “bock bock bock”.  It still made him laugh.

“Good. Now, cow.”

“Moooooo!” She threw her head back against the couch.

Jimmy continued to distract her with barnyard animal noises while he led her into the kitchen, where he made mac and cheese and she helped by stirring the pot.

She seemed to forget about Dean and her questions until her bedtime story when she informed him that his voices were all wrong.

“When is Dean coming over?” She asked.

“I dunno, sweetheart. Probably soon though,” At least he hoped.

“Okay. I miss him.”

“I know, baby, I do, too. But it’ll be okay.” He bent down and kissed her forehead. “Now get some sleep.”

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, buglet.” He tucked her in, making sure the covers were snug around her and her stuffed dinosaur was safely in bed with her. They said one last goodnight before he shut off the light and left her door open just a crack.

Jimmy made his way back down the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea before settling into the couch. It was kind of underhanded, but he almost texted Dean to let him know that Claire missed him. It wasn’t a lie, but he shouldn’t be using his kid as a way to convince his weary boyfriend to spend more time with him. God, if he did end up breaking up with Dean how was he supposed to explain that to Claire. She adored him.

Jimmy ran his hand over his face and was dialing the phone before he had a chance to second guess himself.

“Hello?” Cas’s gruff voice answered on the other end.

“Cas?” Jimmy asked.

“…Yes? That’s who you called?” 

“Did I?” Jimmy pulled the phone from his ear. Yup, that was Cas’s contact. Huh. He wasn’t intending to do that.

“I’m guessing you meant to call someone else,” Cas said.

Jimmy sighed. “I was trying to call Dean.”

“Oh, well then –“

“I don’t think he’s gonna answer though,” Jimmy said, “he’s been avoiding me all week.”

“That’s odd.”

“Yeah. He’s only been over like, two or three times since date night.”

“That’s very odd. Did he say something the last time you spoke?”

“Nah, nothing. He’s just been distant.  I… I think he’s considering breaking up with me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. But maybe there’s a different explanation? Your anniversary is coming up isn’t it?”

“Not until June.”

“Have you asked him about it?”

“I’ve asked him what’s wrong but he doesn’t want to talk to me. And he won’t come around enough for me to actually have a conversation with him. For someone who wants to talk all about me when I so much as stub my toe he sure sucks at communication when he needs it.”

“Well, in his defense you really aren’t the best at communication either. And you keep secrets, too.”

“Two totally different things, Cas. You know that. And unless he’s been secretly fucking Sam for years and years I don’t think the two are even comparable.”

“Maybe you should tell him,” Cas suggested.

“Are you crazy? I want to keep my boyfriend, not completely destroy my chances here.”

“Yes, but you’ve been together for almost a year at this point. You shouldn’t keep secrets like that from him, it only breeds distrust. And it makes you anxious and we both know how you get when you’re anxious.”

“Well then Cas, tell me how exactly I’m supposed to break that to him. Do I sit him down over dinner and tell him ‘Hey babe, so I used to fuck my brother, just FYI,’ or is that more of a coffee conversation?” 

“How’d you tell Amelia?”

Jimmy snorted. “You think I told Amelia? Do I really look that stupid?”

Cas sighed on the other line. “Well excuse me for believing you were completely open and honest with your wife.”

“Open and honest is one thing, but this is… it’s just not something you can tell people. You haven’t told anyone, have you?”

“Well, Balthazar and by extension, Meg,” Cas said, “…and…”

“And?”

“Okay, I actually thought it was going somewhere potentially before you flip out. You remember that exchange student?”

“Fuckin’ Mick? You dated Mick the Dick? And told him about us?”

“It was a very hot and fast thing and we had just broken up. I thought I might have feelings for him.”

“Ugh. I thought you had better tastes than that.”

“Which one of us fucked Bela Talbot again?”

“That’s low, Cas.”

“I’m just saying, your judgment isn’t perfect either.”

“Yeah, yeah, congratulations. We both make bad decisions. How’d Mick take your bombshell.”

“He thought I was fucking with him. When he saw that I was serious he wanted to know if I was raised in an attic.”

“That what caused the break-up?”

“No, actually, he went back to Wales. But the point is that I was honest with him and we were fine.”

Jimmy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, okay. I’m glad for you. But this… telling Dean this… it’s huge, Cas. And honestly I don’t even know if it would help anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dean used to have this girlfriend, her name was Lisa, I think. Single mom, they met right out of college and hit it off and stuck together for a while until her kid’s dad showed up. They broke up soon after because she wasn’t sure she wanted a life with him.”

“How is that similar to what’s going on here?”

Jimmy groaned. “I dunno, Cas, it’s just, maybe he’s getting skittish? Like he’s afraid it’s gonna happen to him again? They were together nearly a year and here we’re coming up on that marker, too.”

“And you’re afraid telling him about us would put similar doubts into his head and cause him to pull away further.”

“Exactly! Telling Dean, just… that could ruin everything. And I’m just… I’m tired of losing the people I love.”

Cas let out of soft sigh. If he were there, he would probably be looking at Jimmy with those big wet eyes, a soft frown on his lips. It was one of those looks that made Jimmy uncomfortable, not because it was bad, but because it was so damn tender and made Jimmy feel small.

“Well, if you think Dean is going to break up with you, telling him is probably not going to change that fact if he thinks it’s a bridge too far. But you should also try to figure out what’s bothering him.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jimmy said. “I guess you have a point. Still don’t wanna do it though.”

“I can be there with you if you want.”

“Nah, that’s okay. Just… if he says anything to you, would you tell me what’s up?”

“I don’t know why you’d think he’d say anything to me, but okay.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

“Of course.”

They said their goodbye and hung up, leaving Jimmy alone to consider the best course of action. Cas did, of course, have a point about being honest with Dean, but what was the real point of that right now? He needed to know what was bothering Dean and if he decided to break up with Jimmy… well, that was just going to be the way it was. There wouldn’t be any point in making himself look worse after that. If it was something Dean and he could fix, well then why bother? If it went well there was no use in messing things up. He could forget about it after a while. The all could. Maybe.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Eleven Warnings**  
>  Panic attack, ahoy.  
> Shit, meet fan.

 

 

“Yo, Earth to Dean!” Charlie said, snapping her fingers in his face.

Dean jumped back. “What?”

“I asked you if you had plans after work. Gilda and I are going to get drinks and we were wondering if maybe you and Jimmy would like to come”

Dean gave her a slight smile. “Thanks, but I think we’ll pass.”

“Oh? Have something of your own planned then?” She bumped him with her hip, knocking him off balance and making him drop one of the paintbrushes in the sink. The kids had all gotten picked up for the day and he and Charlie were busy cleaning up the art room.

“Nah, not really.” He picked up the paintbrush and held the bristles under the water until the water ran clear.

“Do you wanna go then? You, me and Gilda?”

Dean shrugged. “I dunno, Charlie. I probably won’t be too much fun as company.”

“Why? Something going on with you?”

Dean shuffled closer to the sink. “It’s nothing.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” Charlie sang, turning off the faucet.

“Charlie…”

“Nope. None of that. Tell me right now what’s got you messed up, Winchester.”

Dean sighed. It had been a long day, and holding it together and acting enthusiastic for the kids had taken its toll on him. “Fine.” He turned around, leaning against the skin, hands braced on the counter. “Jimmy and I aren’t working out anymore.”

“What? No! What happened? When did it happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We haven’t broken up yet,” Dean said, “but it’s just not working out. I’ve been trying to get the guts to do it for a few weeks but I’ve never done this before so it’s hard.”

“You’ve never broken up with anyone before?”

“Not someone I’d been dating this long.”

“Why are you guys even gonna break up? I thought things were going good. Like a month ago you were talking about wanting to move in with him.”

Dean frowned. “I dunno, Charlie, it’s… I don’t think Jimmy’s interested in me anymore.”

“Why? Is it like, a sex thing or has he just stopped being affectionate? Have you talked to him about it?”

“No, I haven’t but I just know, okay. It’s not really something I can talk about. But I know he’s more interested in someone else.”

“How do you know if you haven’t talked to him about it?”

“I just do.”

“Is he cheating on you?” Charlie scowled, her nose scrunching up on her face.

“No, not as far as I know.”

“Well, I’m sorry if that’s true, Dean, but I think you should probably talk to him before you do it. Because I don’t think you actually want to.”

“No, I really don’t. But it might be better for him this way.”

“Excuse me? You think Jimmy can do better than you? Dean, you’re a sweetheart. You’re smart and funny and caring, and you’re really freaking great with kids. I mean, if I had to pick a guy, it’d be you.”

“Thanks, Charlie. But I just think Jimmy would be better off seeing the person he wants to see.”

“And you know he wants to be with this mystery person because you are suddenly psychic and can read everyone’s mind?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “No,” he crossed his arms over his chest, “I heard him and Cas talking.”

“You eavesdropped?”

Dean nodded.

Charlie groaned, grabbing a hold of Dean’s shoulders. “Dean, how many damn chick-flicks have you and I watched together?”

Dean shrugged. “Like a billion, probably.”

She shook his shoulders. “So you know better than to let something you overheard while eavesdropping affect your relationship without asking about it! It’s like, rule number five of being a romantic lead! Accidentally overheard conversations out of context are the second biggest villains of the romantic comedy genre!”

Dean groaned, grabbing her wrists and stilling her. “Charlie, while I appreciate it, I can assure you that this was not out of context. I heard it all, okay?”

“Okay, but still, you could talk to him about it,” Charlie said, waving her hand in a circle.

Dean sighed. That’s when his phone went off. He rolled his eyes, pulling it out of his pocket, and groaned when he saw the caller ID.

“Who is it?” Charlie asked.

“Just Jimmy. I’ll call him back later.”

“Or you could answer it.”

“Or I could call him back.”

“What if it’s important?”

“It’s not.”

“How do you know? When was the last time he called you at work?”

Dean groaned. “Claire was sick.”

Charlie nodded, raising her eyebrows. Dean groaned but knew it was better than to drop it lest he hear about it for the rest of his life. “Fine,” he snapped, swiping at the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dean,” Jimmy let out a sigh on the other end.

“What’s up?”

“Well… I was hoping you could come by after work. We, uh, we need to talk.”

“Talk?”

“Yeah, just… I need to talk to you.”

Dean glanced over at Charlie, who was nodding furiously and smiling at him in the way that said: “do it or you will not like the consequences.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll be over in a bit.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Jimmy sighed audibly. “I’ll see you then.”

Charlie punched the air while Dean and Jimmy said their goodbyes. Dean rolled his eyes.

Charlie was practically pushing him out the door after he shoved his phone back in his pocket. He did manage to finish cleaning the brushes he’d started on, but she pretty much insisted that he go to Jimmy’s house right then. She’d cover for him anyway, so he decided he might as well go, rather than see that badgering look in her eyes.

Dean drove to Jimmy’s blasting Cream and thrumming his fingers against the steering wheel with enough force to make them sting when he stopped. It was like there was something crawling beneath his skin, not enough to make him really itchy, but enough to agitate. Jimmy was on the porch when he finally pulled into Jimmy’s driveway. They didn’t kiss before Jimmy led them inside.

Jimmy sat down on the couch and gestured for Dean to do the same. There were two cups of steaming black coffee already set on the coffee table.

“So, Claire’s at Sam’s for the rest of the night,” Jimmy said. “He offered.”

Dean nodded, watching as Jimmy took one of the coffee cups in his hands, clutching it like it was a lifeline. His nails were ragged, and Dean guessed he was probably chewing them again.

“So, long night then?” Dean asked.

“You’ve been avoiding me, Dean,” Jimmy said. “Don’t pretend that you’re not because you are. Whatever’s going on between us, we need to talk about because I am not going to do this ambiguous, gray area thing.” Jimmy took a sip of his coffee and Dean tried not to focus on the slight tremble in his hands.

“Sorry, I…” Dean glanced over at his coffee cup, picking it up while he tried to figure out what to say. “I have been.”

“Why?” Jimmy asked.

Dean licked his lips. “I don’t really have a good excuse.”

“But you have to have a reason. If it’s something I’ve done - ”

“No, no. Jimmy, it’s not…. ‘s not you. It’s me.”

Jimmy squinted at him. “It’s not you, it’s me. Sounds ominous.”

Dean shrugged. “Maybe… maybe it’s best we see other people?”

Jimmy’s shoulders stiffened, but his face fell too fast to even try to cover it. “What did I do?” He asked.

“It’s nothing you did,” Dean said. He stared down at his coffee cup. He wasn’t about to look at the way Jimmy’s eyes watered or the quiver in his lip. He’d lose all his damn resolve if he did something like that.

“Then why? I thought we were good. I thought we were great. You were over all the time. We had fun. Dean… why?”

“I just…” He blew out a steady breath. “I think it’s better, for you, if you see other people.”

“What the fuck do you mean, if I see other people?” Jimmy set the coffee cup down on the table a little too hard, causing hot coffee to slop over the side. “Why the fuck would I want to do that?” Jimmy’s arms were crossed over his chest and scowled at Dean with such heat that Dean was certain he’d be dead if look alone could kill. 

Dean bit his lip. Because you’re in love with someone else, he wanted to say, but what came out was “Why wouldn’t you? I just don’t think we’re a good match is all.”

Jimmy snorted. “You’re full of shit, Dean.”

Dean squirmed, scooting back on the couch. Jimmy followed inch by inch.

“You know as well as I do that that is just an excuse. Is this a commitment thing?”

“What? No.”

“Then what is it, Dean? You really want to break up with me then fine but I at least deserve to know the real reason, so spill.”

“It’s…” Dean floundered, gesturing at the air, “it’s just not working.”

“What’s not working? The fact we don’t go out much? The fact that we’re in each other’s space too much? The sex? What? What is it?” Jimmy was practically looming over him at this point, looking like he’d shoot lightning from his eyes if he could, and the fact that there were tears trailing down his face took nothing away from the fury.

Dean pushed off the couch. “Fuck, Jimmy, why can’t you just accept this? It’s what I want, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay, because I’m tired of having my goddamn heart broken!” Jimmy snapped. “Just give me a reason that sounds like a real reason and not a cheap lie.”

“Fuck off, Jimmy,” Dean said. Fuck, he was crying now, too. He wiped the tears from his cheeks a little too hard and turned towards the door. 

“Don’t you walk away from me, Dean Winchester!”

Dean didn’t say anything as he walked out, listening to Jimmy call to him the whole way to his car. He drove to a park two block away, where he idled the car and let himself cry. It was done, and at least he didn’t have to worry about that anymore. He could come up with something to tell Sam and Charlie that didn’t make him sound like a complete douche, and then everyone could move on. Jimmy and Cas could be together and Jimmy could have what he really wanted. It would work out. That, of course, was of little comfort to the ache in his chest and the churning in his guts. Immediately after he turned the corner on Jimmy’s street he wanted to go back. He wanted to apologize and take back everything and figure out a way to make it all better, but that wasn’t going to happen. If he went back now there would be no way to go back. He wouldn’t have the guts to do that to Jimmy again.

Once Dean collected himself he drove around for a bit, windows down and radio off. The breeze against his face felt nice and made him a little calmer. As the sun set, however, he grew weary of being on the road and he really didn’t want to go home. He could talk to Sam, but that was a bad idea, considering he’d probably tell Dean he’d made the wrong decision. Charlie was also out of the question because she would probably insist he take it back. Against his better judgment, Dean found himself driving towards Cas’s apartment. He was knocking on the door before he really had any time to think himself out of it.

Cas answered the door in nothing but flannel pajama bottoms and bunny slippers, reading glasses low on the bridge of his nose.

“Dean? What’s wrong?” He asked.

Dean sniffled. “Can I come it?”

“Yes, of course,” and Cas moved out of the way to allow him in. The small dining table in the corner of the room was strewn with papers, but Cas ignored it and gestured for Dean to take the couch.

“Would you like some tea?” Cas asked.

Dean shrugged. “Or something stronger if you got it.”

Cas offered a small, hesitant smile and pulled a high ball glass from the cabinet, along with a bottle of Jameson.

He set them down on Dean’s end table without a word, then took a mug from the table where his mountain of papers sat and eased himself onto the other end of the couch.

“What’s going on, Dean?”

Dean poured himself a drink before he answered. “Jimmy and I broke up.”

“What? Why?”

Dean shrugged. “’S complicated.”

Cas sighed, sinking into the couch. “I’ve been hearing a lot of that word recently and I’m starting to hate it.”

“What do you mean?”

Cas just shook his head. “A lot of people who say that things are ‘complicated’ are covering up for that fact that there are things they’d rather not say. It’s rarely that there is anything actually complex about what they’re refusing to say.”

“Cas –“

“No,” he held up a single hand, “you don’t have to say or justify anything. Whatever it is you’re not willing to talk about is obviously distressing.”

“Huh,” Dean sniffled again, “well, thank you, Cas.”

Cas smiled at him, offering him a box of Kleenex. Dean took it and blew his nose, probably loud enough to wake the neighbors. Cas didn’t seem to mind though. He just sat there and let Dean be.

“It was me, actually,” Dean said. “I broke up with him.”

Cas nodded, taking a drink from his mug. “Why was that?”

“I just… I thought he’d be happier with someone else.” He didn’t look at Cas when he spoke, instead he kept his eyes on the decorative bo staff hanging on the other wall.

“Why would you think that? You know Jimmy loves you, and you’re a wonderful man. Charming, attentive, curious, great with kids, and of course, very attractive.”

“Now you’re just flattering me.”

“Is it really flattery if it’s true?”

Dean snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, whatever.”

“Why would you think that Jimmy would do better with someone else?” Cas asked.

“He’s in love with someone else,” Dean said.

“He told you that?”

“No, but I know it’s true. Trust me, Cas.”

“And you don’t feel like you should fight for him?” Cas asked.

Dean shook his head and finished the last of his drink. “He deserves to be happy.”

“Well, I don’t think he’s very happy right now.”

Dean groaned, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead. “Yeah, well, he’ll be happy in the end.”

Cas shook his head, setting his empty mug down on the floor. “Happy enough that you were comfortable making that decision for him?”

“You know what, Cas – “

Dean was cut off by a knock at the door. He frowned, glancing over at Dean. “I’ll be right back.”

He stood and walked over to the door. Dean barely had time to rest his head against the back of the couch before Cas started talking.

“Jimmy?”

Dean shot up immediately. Shit. Of course, Jimmy would head over to talk to Cas.

“Can I come in?” His voice was thick and husky, almost like Cas’s.

“Uh…” Cas spared a glance back at Dean, and Jimmy peaked his head to see where Cas was looking.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Jimmy snapped.

“He just came over a little while ago,” Cas said.

“Why the fuck are you here?” Jimmy pushed past his brother, charging into the middle of the living room.

“Jimmy,” Cas came up behind him, pulling at Jimmy’s shoulders. Jimmy shrugged him off. His eyes were streaked red and his hair was a wreck, like he’d been running his hands through it and pulling. He looked like hell.

“What the fuck, Dean? You leave me and you immediately run to my brother. Why?”

“He was just talking to me, Jimmy,” Cas said.

“Oh, so you’ll talk to Cas but you’re not gonna talk to me, is that it?”

Cas was behind him again, trying to steer him away from Dean and towards the wicker chair in the corner.

“Stop it!” Jimmy’s voice squeaked as he batted Cas’s hands away. Cas threw his hands up in defense, stepping in between Dean and Jimmy. “I want an explanation for this. I wanna know why the fuck you go to Cas and ‘talk’ when you can’t even give me a good reason for breaking up with me. And don’t you give me any of that it’s-not-you-it’s-me crap again.” He was fully facing Dean now, as close as Cas would allow.

“Cas is right,” Dean said, slowly rising to his feet, “we were just talking. I couldn’t talk to anyone else. Charlie would kick my ass, Sam was busy, and I didn’t know who else to come to.”

“Why do you need to talk to anyone? I was the one who got dumped!”

“Obviously Dean is regretting his decision to do so and wants validation for what he thinks was the best course of action,” Cas offered.

“Oh, and you’re sympathetic? You think he should dump me them?” Jimmy now turned to face Cas.

“I never said –“

“Yeah, fucking makes sense, I guess, right. Gotta get back at me somehow right?” Jimmy hissed.

“You know that’s not how I feel.”

Jimmy groaned, curling his hands into fists. “Yeah, whatever. You told me you had no idea what was going on with Dean and now you’re all buddy-buddy. I’m sure you don’t find this whole situation remotely satisfying.”

“Jimmy,” Cas said, taking a deep breath, “you need to calm down before you say something stupid.”

Jimmy laughed. “Fat chance there, Castiel. Seems like I’m really good at saying fucking stupid things lately. Maybe always.”

“Jimmy, don’t say things like that,” Dean said.

“Fuck you, Dean. You don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot say.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Dean said, “but you know I don’t like it when you talk about yourself like that.”

“Well, I didn’t like it when you broke up with me either, but looks like I don’t get what I want.”

“James, stop it,” Cas said, staring down his brother.

Jimmy turned, squinting at Cas. “You have something to do with this, don’t you? You wanted this to happen, didn’t you?”

“Jimmy…” Cas’s voice was much softer now. Dean wanted to speak up, to say something, but he had no idea what to do.

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m sorry? How much do I have to hate myself for you to believe me?”

“Jimmy, you can’t really believe that.” Cas made a move to get closer, but Jimmy stepped back. “I would never want to see you hurt. Never. I don’t want you to hate yourself, I just want you to be happy.”

“Well good fucking luck with that!” Jimmy snapped. “I don’t get to be happy. It was a lesson I should’ve learned seven years ago, but apparently, I’m just that fucking stupid I need to learn it twice.”

Jimmy’s whole body was shaking at this point, his eyes wide as he tried and failed to blink his tears away. It made Dean want to reach out and take him in his arms. Judging by the way Cas’s hand twitched at his side, he wanted to, too.

“Jimmy,” Dean said. Jimmy turned to face him, and Dean wasn’t sure if he should flinch away or try to comfort him. “Jimmy we both just want you to be happy.”

“Then why the hell-“

“Because I know.”

“What?” Jimmy scowled at him.

Dean gulped. “I know. I know about what happened after the Chocolate and Coffee thing, I know about college and I know about you and Cas. I overheard you talking.”

Jimmy turned sheet white in an instant. He looked at Cas, who had also gone a little pale and was standing there with his mouth gaping. Jimmy shook his head.

“You-you-you can’t. What-whatever you th-think you know,” he was breathing in short gasps now, trying to suck in air. His eyes were closed and he kept shaking his head furiously.

“Shhh,” Cas came behind him, stroking his shoulders and back. This time he didn’t even try to bat Cas away. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” Cas soothed. “You’re safe. It’s fine. Everything is fine.”

Jimmy crumpled, making these horrible gasping noises, almost like he was choking. Dean ran to his side, unsure, of what to do. Cas took his hand and placed it in the middle of Jimmy’s back.

“You’re okay. It’s going to be okay. I’m here. Dean’s here. Just breathe.” He tipped Jimmy chin up and urged him to open his eyes. He coached Jimmy through regaining his breath, while Dean continued to stroke soothing circles up and down Jimmy’s back.

After a few minutes, Jimmy no longer sounded like he was choking on his own spit, and Cas brushed the tears from his cheeks. “I’m gonna make you some tea,” Cas said. “You can drink it, and then I think we all need some fresh air so we can talk about this.”

Jimmy nodded.

Cas leveled Dean a look as he got up to heat the water, and Dean stayed by Jimmy’s side.

“I’m so sorry, babe,” Dean whispered into Jimmy’s hair. “I didn’t mean to do this to you.”

Jimmy didn’t respond, but it wasn’t like Dean had really expected him to anyway.


	12. Chapter 12

 

 

Fresh air turned out to be the Arby’s three blocks away. After Jimmy finished the green tea Castiel had given him and the atmosphere in the apartment was almost too heavy to sit comfortably in, Castiel had suggested they get out. Jimmy didn’t want to go very far, and neither did anyone else, so Arby’s it was. The three of them piled into a booth near the back of the store, out of the reach from any prying eyes and ears that might bother them. Jimmy was slumped into the booth close to the wall, with Castiel next to him. Dean sat across from them. They were mostly silent until their number was called and Dean volunteered to bring back their food.

The orange light from the neon sign outside cast a warm, flickering glow on their table, and it helped soothe the mood a little. Jimmy looked like a wreck and Castiel wasn’t feeling much better. Despite how calm he had been during Jimmy’s unexpected freakout, he was more than a little rattled. It always pained him to see his brother so scared and out of control. It pained him, even more, to not know if he was allowed to help and to what extent. As soon as this was all over, Castiel was going to crawl under his comforter and sleep for a month.

“So, I guess we should talk about all this?” Castiel offered, taking his melt from the tray.

Jimmy shrugged, biting into a potato cake.

“So, you know,” Castiel said, gesturing to Dean with his sandwich.

“Yeah,” Dean said.

“How exactly?”

“Hid a baby monitor in the bookcase the last time you were both over. After the coffee thing.”

“So you spied,” Jimmy said.

“I didn’t exactly feel like I had a choice. You froze me out and I was worried. And after what happened with Lisa… I just lost my head I guess.”

“Doesn’t make it okay,” Jimmy said.

“I know,” Dean sighed. He hadn’t touched his food yet.

“’S that why you broke up with me?” Jimmy asked.

Dean shook his head, then shrugged his shoulders. “Not really. Kinda I guess but not for the reason you think.”

“Maybe you should tell Jimmy what you told me, Dean,” Castiel said.

“What’d he tell you?” Jimmy asked, his voice breaking just a bit. He almost looked like he was going to cry again.

“I told Cas that I broke up with you because you were in love with someone else,” Dean said. “And that part’s true. The whole,” he gestured between Castiel and Jimmy, “that doesn’t bother me. But If you two want to be together I’m not going to stand in your way.”

Jimmy blinked a couple of times before glancing over at Castiel. Castiel just chuckled a bit, shaking his head.

“You’re kidding right?” Jimmy asked.

“Why would I joke about that?” Dean scoffed.

“Because… that’s just…”

“Just what? It’s not like it’s a big deal. A little unusual, sure, but it’s not like you’re really hurting anyone. And you love Cas. It’s obvious now that I know what was going on, but, yeah, I just want you to be happy.”

“Seems counterintuitive,” Jimmy said, swiping one of Castiel’s fries.

“You know,” Castiel said, “before we broke up, Jimmy and I were polyamorous.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “It was an open relationship thing that only I took advantage of.”

“Until you started dating Amelia and then you had a boyfriend and a girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Dean said. “So that’s why…”

Castiel and Jimmy both nodded.

“Not my finest hour,” Jimmy said.

Dean squirmed in his seat, the vinyl squealing underneath him. “So, would you, I dunno consider trying it again?”

Jimmy sighed. “I can’t ask that of either of you, Dean. It’s too selfish.”

“Babe, how is that selfish at all?” Dean asked.

“I can’t ask either one of you to just, I dunno. It doesn’t seem fair. You both deserve to have someone who can spend all of their time focusing on you. I can’t ask you to do that,” Jimmy said.

“It’s not selfish to have a lot of love to give,” Castiel said, setting his hand on Jimmy’s thigh. He squeezed gently, and Jimmy glanced over at him with a sad smile.

 “Yeah, but –“

“Cas is right,” Dean said. “Besides, I wouldn’t’ve suggested it if I didn’t think it could work. I want you to be happy, and if that’s with me or Cas or both of us, I’m okay with that. I just don’t want you to be miserable because you feel like you have to have only one or the other of us.”

Jimmy sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve. He nodded, jostling a tear down his cheek.

Castiel reached over, brushing the tear away with his thumb. Jimmy’s eyes snapped up, and Castiel cupped his cheek. Jimmy closed his eyes and leaned into his hand. Castiel’s heart fluttered in his chest, sparing a glance back at Dean just to make sure it was okay, but Dean was smiling. He leaned in, and pressed a soft kiss to Jimmy’s lips. Jimmy sighed against him.

“It’s okay to want this,” Castiel whispered, brushing a few stray hairs behind Jimmy’s ear.

“Promise?” He whispered back.

“Of course,” Castiel said.

Castiel intertwined their fingers when he pulled away, setting their joined hands on the table. Dean hesitated for a moment, then leaned over the table, taking his turn to kiss Jimmy.

The three of them seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief and Castiel felt his own shoulders relax a little. It was quiet then, and the three of them settled into it. It was easier then, just the three of them with no secrets or misunderstandings. Sure, there were things they still needed to say, and boundaries that needed to be discussed, but this right now, this was okay.

It took them a while before they dug back into their meals, which were now much colder, but Castiel for one didn’t care, he was famished. If the amount of horseradish sauce Dean was squeezing onto his roast beef sandwich was any indication, he was too.

“Dean,” Jimmy said.

“Yeah?” He didn’t even look up from where he was smearing the sauce on the bun with a potato wedge.

“Are you really going to eat all that horseradish?”

“I intend to. Why? You want some?”

“Good God, no. And if you think I’m kissing you after you do you’ve got another thing coming.”

Dean snorted a laugh, smiling up at the Jimmy.

“Yeah, me either,” Castiel said. Fuck it. If they were all going, to be honest and get it all out in the air, he might as well say something, too.

“Oh?” Dean gasped, “really?”

Castiel shrugged, glancing away. “I mean if you’d be okay with that.”

“You? Would you be okay with that?” Dean asked.

Castiel couldn’t help but chuckle. “I wouldn’t mention it if I wasn’t.”

“Is that okay with you?” Dean asked, pointing his potato wedge at Jimmy.

Jimmy shook his head, but he smiled. “It would kind of be hypocritical of me not to.”

“Well, I…” Dean blushed, licking his lips. “Yeah, I… yeah, Cas.”

Castiel reached his hand out over the table, palm up for Dean to take, and Jimmy did the same. Dean threaded his fingers through each of theirs, then brought Jimmy, then Castiel’s hands up to his lips and kissed their knuckles.

They stayed like that, Castiel brushing his thumb against the warm skin of Dean’s hand until Dean said: “No offense guys, but I’m gonna need my hands to eat, now.”

Castiel and Jimmy let go of Dean’s hands but held onto each other’s as they finished their meals. As they walked out into the cool night, Dean twirling Jimmy’s keys in his fingers, they continued to hold on to each other.

“I’m glad we went to an Arby’s,” Dean said.

“Really wanted roast beef then?” Castiel asked.

“Nah,” Dean said, “Arby’s is the best place for burgeoning relationships.”

Castiel squinted at Jimmy, who rolled his eyes.

“Do I want to know?” Castiel asked.

“We understand the lights above the Arby’s. We understand so much,” Dean said.

“Oh, dear god, not this again,” Jimmy groaned.

Castiel chuckled and Dean continued to ramble on. He’d ask about it later.

* * *

 

Castiel awoke in a strange bed, pressed a little too lightly to the person in front of him. He groaned, stretching and nearly falling out of the bed as he did. He blinked, rubbing the grit from his eyes and glancing down at the person next to him. It was Jimmy, who’d sprawled out on the bed like a starfish, laying on his stomach and snoring. Across from him, Dean was sitting up on his elbows, bare for the waist up and smiling.

“Morning, Cas,” Dean whispered.

Castiel groaned. “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

Dean chuckled. “I made some coffee if you want any,” he said.

“What time is it?”

“Last I checked, eleven thirty.”

Castiel sighed. “Yeah, okay. You gonna wake the bed hog?”

“Yeah, I probably should.”

Castiel nodded, slipping out of bed and standing up on his tiptoes to stretch and pop his back. Jimmy immediately took over the remaining space that Castiel had left. “How do you take your coffee?” He asked.

“Black, two sugars. Jimmy likes –“

“Two sugar, way too much cream,” Castiel said.

“Right, I forgot.”

Castiel shrugged, not bothering to slip on his shoes as he padded through the hallway and down the stairs into the kitchen. By the time he sat down at the breakfast nook, Dean was guiding Jimmy into the kitchen. His eyes were puffy and red, his cheeks splotchy and his hair sticking up in every direction.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I look like shit,” Jimmy said, “give me coffee.”

Castiel pushed Jimmy’ mug closer to the edge of the breakfast nook. “Good morning to you, too,” Castiel said.

“Eat me,” Jimmy said.

“Later if you’re lucky,” Castiel said.

Dean nearly choked on the gulp of coffee he had just taken. “Cas, warn a guy next time, damn.”

“I’ve thought you would be used to smartassery in the morning, what with this one,” Castiel waved over at Jimmy.

Jimmy stuck his tongue out.

Dean and Jimmy sat down at the breakfast nook and the three of them were quiet while the coffee started to kick in, with Dean and Jimmy sitting across from Castiel. After Castiel and Jimmy had finished about half of their second cup each, Dean started talking.

“So how is this whole thing going to work?” Dean asked.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked.

“Well you know,” Dean gestured vaguely at the air around him, “us. Jimmy and I are together. You and Jimmy are together. And I guess you and I are together, right?”

Castiel nodded.

 “But who are we officially dating?” Dean asked.

Castiel looked over at Jimmy who was staring down at his coffee like it held the secrets to the universe. “I guess that depends on how open we want to be with everyone.”

“I don’t care if everyone knows you’re dating both of us,” Jimmy said, “as long as you two don’t mind.”

“Won't that make me look like an asshole?” Dean asked. “I mean, one dude dating two people? That seems kinda…”

“You don’t have to lead with it,” Jimmy said. “You can tell as many of as few people as you want.”

“And polyamory doesn’t make you an asshole. You’re only an asshole if you’re the only one in the relationship who knows you’re dating two people,” Castiel said.

“Okay,” Dean said, tapping his fingers against the ceramic mug. “Yeah, when you put it like that –”

“And if anyone gives you shit for it, tell them what Cas just told you. If they’re still determined to give you shit then they can learn to get over it,” Jimmy said.

“So like, in public, what level of affection is acceptable?” Dean asked.

“Whatever you feel like,” Jimmy said. “Whatever Cas is comfortable with when you’re with him.”

“And you two?” Dean asked.

“We can be discreet,” Jimmy said.

Castiel snorted at that.

“What?” Jimmy scowled at him.

“You’re not very discreet.”

“Yes I am,” he said.

“No, you’re really not,” Castiel said.

Jimmy scowled at him, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Oh, uh,” Dean stammered, “I think there’s something you guys need to know.”

“Okay?” Jimmy said.

“So, I think Sam kinda knows. Okay, not kinda, he knows,” Dean said.

“Did you call him last night or something?” Jimmy asked.

“No. I called him after I found out. He wasn’t surprised. Apparently, you two were kinda… obvious.”

“Oh,” Castiel said. “How’d he take that?”

“Uh, well, I guess. He didn’t sound freaked out or anything so there’s that.”

“So you think it’d be okay to tell him, then?” Jimmy asked.

“I mean, yeah, I guess. I know it’s not ideal but I don’t think he’d make a big deal out of it,” Dean said.

“Well, thank you for telling us,” Castiel said. “That’s one thing we do need to work on if we’re going to do this. I know I’m not exactly the best at being open about things, but we all need to be honest with each other, even if it hurts. Maybe especially if it hurts. Because this is never going to work if any one of us starts thinking he know what’s best for the other, or if we keep secrets from each other.”

Jimmy and Dean both nodded, dipping their eyes to the counter.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jimmy said. “Sorry about, you know, not telling you anything, Dean.”

“It’s not like I don’t get it,” Dean said, “it’s kind of a big thing to tell anyone. And I’m sorry for spying on you.”

“Yeah, I’m a little mad about that,” Jimmy said, “I know why you did it, but –“

“Doesn’t make it right,” Dean said.

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

“Well, I won’t do it again,” Dean said.

“And I’m sorry to both of you for kissing Jimmy without discussing it with either of you first,” Castiel said.

“Technically I kissed you first,” Jimmy said.

“I kissed back.”

“Fair enough,” Jimmy said.

“I forgive you, both of you,” Dean said. “But just so you know you don’t need my permission. You wanna kiss or cuddle or whatever I’m fine with that. You don’t gotta include me or anything. That’s between the two of you.”

“Same goes for me,” Jimmy said.

“What if we do want to include you though?” Castiel asked.

Dean snorted coffee out of his nose, hacking and sputtering as he tried to catch his breath. “Shit, Cas.”

Castiel chuckled, and Jimmy shook his head.

“Eventually, I mean. We can take it slow between the two of us for now,” Castiel said.

“Fuck,” Dean sighed, “what have I gotten myself into?”

Their discussion continued over one more cup of coffee each, in which initial boundaries were set and easy affection passed between the three of them. Dean was a little more hesitant with Castiel, reciprocating soft touches but not seeking any out for himself. It was still brand new between the two of them, but Castiel could be patient, especially if he got to see more of the light flush in the tips of Dean’s ears when he kissed Dean’s cheek. They’d agreed that it would just be the three of them in the relationship and that Dean and Castiel would start out dating like they usually would if they were with someone new. They would take it as it came, but they would wait for a threesome until they were all ready for it.

Jimmy had also been concerned about Claire, and what he would tell her when it was inevitably time to tell her at least a partial truth about their relationship. Dean had been the one to suggest that they try to be as honest as her age could handle, maybe by starting with the fact that Castiel and Dean loved each other in the same way that Jimmy and Dean loved each other. At her age, she could understand that and not have too many questions. When it came to affection, however, Jimmy was much more hesitant to want to show that between himself and Castiel around her. Castiel had offered that there was nothing inherently sexual or romantic about kissing on the lips, but Jimmy didn’t want to make up a decision on that front just yet.

“Speaking of Claire,” Dean said, rising from his chair, “I should probably go pick her up now. I’d say Jimmy should, but,” he gestured at Jimmy, “you probably want a shower or something.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Jimmy sighed, looking down at his empty mug.

“Might I suggest,” Castiel piped up, “that you take Claire to lunch. Perhaps Sam and Eileen as well.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yes, I think a long lunch with your brother and Claire is a very, very good idea,” Castiel said.

“Oh?” Jimmy asked, smirking at Castiel.

“Mmhmm.”

“Well,” Dean said, a small smile curling his lips upward, “I will do that, then. I’ll just go grab a quick shower and get dressed and do that. You two… uh… don’t get too excited before I leave.”

“Too late there,” Jimmy said.

Castiel snorted, leaning over the counter to kiss Jimmy. Jimmy hummed softly, leaning into Castiel’s lips.

Dean snorted. His feet slapped against the wood as he walked out of the room.

Castiel waited until he heard the shower upstairs start before he walked around the counter, standing in front of Jimmy to slip his fingers through Jimmy’s hair.

“I love you,” Castiel said.

“I love you, too,” Jimmy whispered, his eyes slipping shut.

“I’ve never stopped,” Castiel said, leaning down to kiss Jimmy again. His break tasted like coffee and sleep, which wasn’t altogether pleasant, but Castiel didn’t mind. He’d wanted this for too long to mind it.

“Me either,” Jimmy said when they parted. He nuzzled his nose across Castiel’s cheek, leaving small kisses as he went.

Castiel cradled the back of Jimmy’s head, letting his other hand run down Jimmy’s side and pull him close when he reached the waistband of Jimmy’s sleep pants. Jimmy sighed, sliding his hands down the back of Castiel’s thighs. He nuzzled against Castiel’s throat, his soft breath making goosebumps blossom beneath his lips. Jimmy’s fingers dug into the backs of Castiel’s thighs as he drew in a wavering breath. Castiel stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head. It was grounding, just to be able to touch and be touched without fear or guilt. They were free to do as they pleased, to just cling to each other, to just feel.

A door closing behind them make Castiel jump, and they both turned towards the open archway of the kitchen, waiting for Dean. He appeared a moment later, smoothing out his t-shirt over his stomach.

“I’m gonna head out now, guys,” he said, knocking his knuckles against the archway. “I’ll text you before I come back, just so… you know.”

Jimmy waved Dean over, his check pressed against Castiel’s arm.

“What’s up?” Dean asked.

“Don’t I get a goodbye kiss?”

Dean chuckled, leaning down to kiss Jimmy on the lips once. He pulled away, stepping back for a moment. Dean and Castiel locked eyes before Dean’s eyes darted once to Castiel’s lips. Dean’s brow furrowed and he licked his lips. Castiel withheld a snort as he leaned forward, catching Dean’s lips with his own. He let out a small gasp but pressed back all the same. His lips were soft and they tasted like peppermint and even thought the kiss was chaste, it sent pleasant little tingles through Castiel’s chest.

Dean was blushing a little when they pulled away. He cleared his throat, taking a step backward.

“Yeah, I, uh, I’m gonna go spend some time with Claire now,” he said, eyes darting to Jimmy.

“Have fun,” Jimmy said.

“You too, guys.” Dean smiled. He backed out of the kitchen.

The front door closed with a soft click and Castiel looked down at Jimmy, who was nuzzling into his arm.

“I think we should go upstairs,” Castiel said, stepping back and pulling Jimmy with him.

Jimmy went easily, letting Castiel pull him by the waist through the kitchen and to the stairs. They broke apart for just a moment as they ascended the staircase, but as soon as they reached the top, Jimmy was leading Castiel by the hand down the hall and into the bedroom.

They kissed again, languid and easy when they made it through the doorway, not even bothering to shut the door behind them. Castiel skimmed his hands up and down Jimmy’s sides before slipping up underneath his shirt. Jimmy sighed against him, his fingers trembling as they found the bare skin of Castiel’s back.

Castiel licked at Jimmy’s lips once, then pulled back, chuckling at Jimmy’s groan of disapproval. When Castiel leaned in again, Jimmy attacked his neck, kissing and nibbling at the flesh under his ear. Castiel moaned when Jimmy grazed his teeth against Castiel’s earlobe. He slid his hands higher, taking Jimmy’s shirt with him until it bunched up under Jimmy’s arms. Jimmy stepped back, raising his arms and helping Castiel remove his shirt. Castiel thumbed at Jimmy’s nipples, eliciting a groan from his twin.

“Should we take a shower now or later?” Castiel asked, leaning in to nibble at the flesh just below Jimmy’s collar bone.

“Would you hate me if I said later?” Jimmy asked, his fingers digging into Castiel’s hair and tugging.

“Hell, no,” Castiel said, biting at Jimmy’s chest.

Jimmy groaned, tugging harder to pull Castiel back up. When Castiel lifted his head Jimmy’s lips were on his again, this time much more insistent than they had been. He walked Castiel backward, cupping Castiel’s face with both hands and nipping at Castiel’s lips as he did.

The back of Castiel’s knees hit the bed and he fell backward, pulling Jimmy on top of him. Jimmy startled, propping himself up on the bed by his elbows. Their hips were flush together, and Castiel could feel the bulge in Jimmy’s pants already. He wasn’t much better, though. He’d been half-hard since they left the kitchen, the anticipation and want thrumming beneath his skin. Castiel slid back on the bed, grinding his hips against Jimmy’s as he went, causing Jimmy to groan and shudder. Castiel settled himself in the middle of the bed, sitting up so he could pull his own shirt off and toss it to the floor.

Jimmy blinked several times, letting out a shaky breath as his eyes traveled down Castiel’s chest. “God, you’re gorgeous,” he said in a whisper.

Castiel chuckled, reaching his hands out for his brother. Jimmy took them and let himself be pulled onto Castiel, their chests pressed together. Jimmy went back to kissing and licking at Castiel’s neck, with Castiel letting his hands run lazy patterns down his back. Castiel sighed, peppering Jimmy’s shoulder with kisses.

Eventually, they both began sliding their hips against each other’s building a slow but hungry rhythm as they made out, pausing only to breathe and groan against each other’s lips.

“Jimmy,” Castiel sighed, letting his hands slip under Jimmy’s sleep pants.

“Yeah, Cas?”

“I need you,” Castiel said, squeezing the globes of Jimmy’s ass.

“How do you need me, baby?” Jimmy ground down hard and purposeful, and Castiel let his eyes fall closed.

“I need you naked,” Castiel said running his nails up the flesh of Jimmy’s ass, causing him to shudder. “I need you under me, I need you moaning on my cock.”

Jimmy groaned, arching into Castiel’s nails. Castiel shoved Jimmy’s sleep pants halfway down his thighs before hooking his ankle around Jimmy’s leg and flipping them. Jimmy gasped, staring up at him with wild eyes.

“Fuck, I love it when you do that,” Jimmy said.

Castiel chuckled, shimmying down Jimmy’s body and taking his sleep pants with him as he went. Jimmy spread his legs, allowing Castiel to sit on his heels between them. Jimmy’s dick lay against his stomach, curved just barely to the right and bobbing with every heavy breath Jimmy took. Castiel licked his lips.

“Is this okay?” He asked, setting his hands underneath Jimmy’s knees urging them up.

Jimmy bent his legs, nodding. “Only if you take your pants off.”

Castiel snorted, standing on his knees to undo his jeans. Jimmy’s eyes were on him as he dragged his zipper down, watching as he slid his jeans down, laying over Jimmy so he could kick them off towards the foot of the bed. Castiel crawled up Jimmy’s body, pausing to just lick at the head of Jimmy’s dick as he went.

“No fair,” Jimmy said, biting his bottom lip when they were face to face.

“No?” Castiel asked.

Jimmy shook his head, dragging his nails down Castiel’s back. “You’re a tease.”

“Oh, well then I guess I’ll just get up and leave then,” Castiel said.

“Fuck, don’t you dare.” Jimmy hooked both legs around Castiel’s thrusting upwards. His dick dragged against Castiel’s belly, and Castiel had to bite his lip to keep from moaning too loud.

Jimmy dragged his thumb across Castiel’s lips, pulling his bottom lip from between his teeth. “Don’t,” Jimmy said, “I want to hear you. I need to hear you.”

Castiel gulped, diving back down and slipping his tongue between Jimmy’s lips. Jimmy let him, moaning and thrusting up against Castiel again. Castiel groaned, thrusting back. Jimmy gasped, throwing his head back and letting his eyes flutter closed. Castiel nibbled at his neck, and Jimmy’s fingers threaded through his hair, keeping him there.

Castiel shuddered. He could hardly think, and his body was starting to betray him. He could feel the slight tremble in Jimmy’s hands, as he had been trying to stop himself from shaking, but he could feel it in his arms and thighs. It was just too much. This was Jimmy, the love of his life, now sighing and groaning beneath him, scraping his nails down Castiel’s back and whispering gibberish. He wanted this, he wanted it desperately, but he was trying to take it slow, trying to keep his composure, just in case Jimmy got spooked and they’d have to call it off.

“Cas,” Jimmy called in a breathy whimper, “Cas, please. There’s lube in the nightstand.”

Castiel sighed, letting his head fall to Jimmy’s collar bones. Castiel kissed his chest, then leaned over and rummaged through the drawer of the nightstand. He came back with a half-empty bottle of lube and set it on the bed next to Jimmy. He sat up, hands on Jimmy’s hips.

“You’re sure?” He asked. “You want to do this?”

“Yes, Cas, please.” He pulled on of his knees up to his chest, exposing his hole.

Castiel shut his eyes, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He grabbed the lube and squirted some on his fingers, playing with it until it was relatively warm.

“I’m going to touch you,” Castiel said. His voice wavered a little.

Jimmy nodded, and Castiel pressed a single finger against Jimmy’s hole. It fluttered under his touch, and Castiel almost tried to stop himself from groaning but didn’t bother. He slid his finger into the first knuckle, going slow and waiting for Jimmy to say something. Jimmy just sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Castiel went slow, despite Jimmy’s indignant huffing that he could go faster and be a little rougher. Castiel wanted to drag this out. He wanted to hold on to this for as long as possible.

By the time Castiel had three fingers inside his brother, Jimmy was making pained little groans and clawing at the sheets.

“Cas, come on, please, get up here,” he whined. Castiel slid his fingers out slowly, trailing his fingertips up Jimmy’s thigh as he went.

Jimmy surged forward, kissing Castiel hard. Castiel nearly fell on his back, but he braced himself with one hand while Jimmy crawled up on his lap and forced him to lay his legs flat on the bed.

“Cas,” Jimmy groaned, nipping at Castiel’s jaw. “God, stop teasing.” Jimmy’s hands were shaking as they slid up his arms and down across his back.

Castiel tipped Jimmy’s chin up, looking him in the eyes. “Are you okay?” He asked.

Jimmy gulped, “Yeah, I just…” Their eyes locked and Castiel could see it. Fear, hope, longing, love, all of the things that Castiel hoped Jimmy could see in his own eyes.

“I know,” Castiel whispered, kissing Jimmy’s forehead. “Me, too.”

Castiel reached behind Jimmy and squirted more lube onto his palm. He stroked himself briefly before Jimmy rose up on his knees and positioned himself above Castiel’s dick. Castiel lined himself up and let Jimmy ease himself down. It took a little force on both of their parts to get the head of Castiel’s dick to push past the tight ring of muscle. Once it did, Jimmy’s eyes flew open and his nails dug into Castiel’s shoulders.

Castiel paused, soothing his hand up and down Jimmy’s thigh. “Are you –“

“Yes. God, yes. Fine, fine. It’s just been a while,” Jimmy breathed.

Castiel let Jimmy ease himself down on his dick, all the while trying to keep his breathing even. It had been too long since he’d had sex with anyone and he’d forgotten how good the tight, hot squeeze of someone else’s body could be. The fact that this was Jimmy, well, it made it so much better.

When Jimmy’s ass was flush with his thighs they stilled, Jimmy resting his forehead against Castiel’s. They stayed there, both trembling and breathing each other’s air. Then Jimmy started moving. It was slow at first, but as he adjusted their rhythm sped up. Castiel thrust up as Jimmy slid down, and it didn’t take long for the two of them to get sloppy. It was just too easy to lose themselves in the moment. It was too easy to get caught up in the way Jimmy’s breath hitched when Castiel thrust up, too easy to chase that hot clench of Jimmy’s whole body when Castiel hit just the right spot, too easy to pull those wailing moans from Jimmy’s throat.

“Cas…” Jimmy hissed, arching upwards and clutching Castiel’s shoulder. “Oh, God!”

Castiel groaned. Jimmy’s hips were stuttering, barely able to pull himself up more than an inch or so. Castiel took over, thrusting up and holding Jimmy in place. Jimmy moaned, biting down hard on Castiel’s neck. It did little to muffle the delicious nonsense tumbling from his lips.

“Jimmy,” Castiel whispered, “I’m getting close.” He shut his eyes, hoping that maybe it would stave off the warmth pulling from his spine.

Jimmy whimpered, nodding against him. That’s when Jimmy let out a high-pitched whimper and his dick jumped against Castiel’s stomach and he came. Castiel shuddered, thrusting up a few more times into the rhythmic squeeze of Jimmy’s body and came with a gasp.

Castiel came back to himself slowly, holding Jimmy close to break that dizzy, blissful post-orgasm haze. Jimmy was laying lazy kisses on his neck, sighing as he went. He didn’t say anything as Jimmy crawled off him and led him into the master bathroom, then to the shower. They showered together, leaning into each other and kissing their affections into soapy skin. They didn’t bother to get out until the water started to cool down.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Thirteen Warnings**  
>  That Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For.

 

 

_Four Months Later_

Jimmy set the last of the boxes down amongst the small mountain of cardboard on the living room floor. He was probably going to need at least two, maybe three more bookshelves to hold all of his, Cas, and Dean’s books combined.

“That the last of it?” Dean asked, coming into the living room from wherever the hell he’d been.

“Unless you’ve magically stashed more boxes somewhere else, yes. And, if you have, they’re your problem,” he said.

Dean snorted, shaking his head. “You know, you’re probably gonna need another bookshelf.”

“No shi-“

“Daddy?” Claire appeared from behind the open archway, squinting over at him. She’d been having a hard time figuring out who was who since Cas had been spending more time at the house and she’d taken to question who was who whenever she saw one of them. Dean had suggested wristbands and even if it was tongue-in-cheek, Jimmy was half tempted to do it.

“Heeeey, Claire. What’s up kiddo?”

“Juice,” she held out her empty sipping cup.

“What do you say?”

“Pretty please, juice?” Claire said.

Jimmy chuckled, leading Claire into the kitchen. She had insisted on holding the sippy cup herself while Jimmy poured orange juice. She thanked him drank her juice, twirling around as she did.

“Daddy, what’s the boxes for?” She asked.

“Well, remember how I told you Dean and Uncle Cas were coming to live with us?” He leaned back against the stove.

Claire nodded, her braids flopping up and down.

“Well, that’s all their stuff.”

“All of it?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Where are they gonna put it all?”

“I dunno, we’ll find places though.”

“How long are Dee and Unca Cas gonna stay?” Claire asked.

“Probably forever, if we’re lucky.”

“Forever? They’re gonna be here all the time?”

“Yes. Is that okay?”

Claire bounced on her feet, causing her skirt to flap up and down. “Yay! Unca Cas is gonna stay. He's gonna take me to see the hippos!”

“Oh, he is, is he?”

“Yeah! Unca Cas said he’d take me to see the hippos and the ‘raffes, and the mongoose at the zoo. Can we go now, daddy? Please?”

“Not right now.”

Claire pouted and she looked up at Jimmy with wide, wet eyes.

“I didn’t say never. Just not today. Maybe if you behave and eat your veggies we can go this weekend, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” She still pouted, looking down at the floor. Jimmy had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. It was probably really inappropriate to laugh at your kid when they were trying to pout there way into getting what they wanted, but she was just so damn cute.

“But, if you want, I bet you Dean would read your bedtime story tonight.”

“He would?” She perked up at that.

“Yeah, just go ask him,” Jimmy said.

“Okay! Dean does the best voices!” She bounced off towards the living room, passing by Cas as she went.

Cas moved past her and towards the fridge. “What’s got into her?” He asked.

“Oh, she’s just excited because Dean’s going to read her bedtime story tonight.”

“He is?”

“If she asks him he will. He’s a big ol’ pushover when it comes to kids. Why, did you want to?”

Cas shook his head, retrieving a beer for the fridge and shutting the door. He popped the top off and chucked it in the garbage.

“She’s also excited about you and Dean living here because apparently, that means you’re going to take her to see the hippos,” Jimmy said.

Cas laughed, drawing a long sip from his beer. “I would have taken her regardless.”

“Yeah, well, you know how little ones are.”

“Mmm,” Cas said, eyes drifting to the archway before pulling Jimmy in by the waist and kissing him. He was dominant but tender, leading Jimmy to lean into him with only the sweet slide of his lips. Cas pulled away before Jimmy was ready, leaving him a little dazed.

“What was that for?” Jimmy asked.

“Because I could,” Cas shrugged, taking another drink from his beer. “And because I wanted to give you a preview of what I have planned later.”

Jimmy gulped. “Well damn.”

A small smile tugged the corner of Cas’s lips and he let his hand drift away from Jimmy’s waist.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this, right?” Jimmy asked. “Not just tonight or whatever, but the whole everything? I mean, I know you and Dean haven’t been seeing each other all that long and moving in with your boyfriend of four months is kinda –“

Cas leaned over and kissed Jimmy again, his words lost in a mumble. “Yes,” Cas said, pulling away. “I’m okay with it. I’m more than okay with it if you want the truth.”

“You’re sure?”

“I wouldn’t’ve agreed to move in, much less rented a moving van, if I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, okay. I just –“

Cas kissed him again. “I know. But stop it. Don’t worry about this.”

“That’s easier said than done,” Jimmy said.

“I am aware. But take my word for it. And Dean’s too. This is a good thing. You don’t need to worry about it.”

Jimmy sighed. “Yeah, okay. Fine. I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” Cas said. “Now, what’s for dinner?”

Jimmy snorted. “Between you and Dean, I swear. Food’s the only thing you think about isn’t it?”

“There’s one or two other things, but yes, mostly.”

Jimmy swatted Cas on the ass and rolled his eyes.

* * *

 

Dinner turned out to be takeout, which Claire and Dean were both a little too excited about. Claire was a little more excitable than usual as it was, and between the aches in his shoulders and way Claire was chattering away at everyone about everything, Jimmy was almost tempted to call of their activities for the night. It had probably been pretty shortsighted to think that moving day was the perfect night for the three of them to finally have a threesome, but Cas was excited about it and Dean had argued that it was important they christen the new house. Of course, Jimmy had pointed out that he’d already been living there so it wasn’t technically a new home, but that didn’t seem to matter.

Claire had been bathed, changed, and  tucked into bed, with Dean still off in her room reading to her when Jimmy and Cas settled into the bedroom for the night. Eventually, they’d have to figure out what they were going to do about sleeping arrangements, but Claire was young and it didn’t matter at the moment. If Cas was right, and she grew up believing that polyamory was completely normal and acceptable, she might never question it and they wouldn’t have to worry about it. It was still something niggling at the back of Jimmy’s mind, however.

“You’re tense,” Castiel said, sliding up behind Jimmy on the bed and rubbing his thumbs into Jimmy’s shoulders.

“Well, yeah, after the day we’ve had do you really expect me not to be?” Jimmy asked.

“I was afraid that you might be tense for a different reason,” Cas said, kissing behind Jimmy’s ear.

“Yeah, well, there’s that.”

“Don’t be stressed,” Cas said, digging into the muscles in Jimmy’s back.

Jimmy groaned, tipping his head back. “Didn’t think of trying that. Thanks, Cas.”

Jimmy could almost feel Cas’s eyes roll. “You know this is supposed to be fun, right?” Cas asked.

“I am aware.”

“So, stop worrying, take it as it comes and we’ll have fun.”

“It’s not just that, Cas,” Jimmy said, “it’s Claire and the practicality of it all and – “

Cas pulled Jimmy’s jaw towards him, laying a hungry kiss to his lips. Jimmy kissed back, but with much less heat. “Don’t think about that right now,” Cas whispered, “think about, instead, what Dean’s going to walk in on.”

“Oh? What’s he going to walk in on?” Jimmy asked.

“Well,” Cas slide his hands up over Jimmy’s shoulders and down his chest. “If I have my way, I’ll be right here, kissing you. You’re going to be shirtless, fucking my fist.”

“I like the way you think, Cas,” Jimmy said.

Cas pinched Jimmy’s nipples and Jimmy hissed. Cas skimmed his hands down Jimmy’s front, pulling his shirt up. The tips of his fingers brushed against Jimmy’s skin, making his shudder.

“Can you imagine what he’s going to do when he gets in here?” Cas asked. “He’s never seen us have sex before.”

Jimmy shivered, his head falling back against Cas’s shoulder. Cas pulled Jimmy’s shirt off and tossed it to the floor, rubbing circles over Jimmy’s nipples as he whispered: “It won’t take him long to get hard. I bet he’ll start touching himself immediately.”

Jimmy groaned. Cas unbuttoned Jimmy’s jeans, then pulled the zipper down. He teased the shaft of Jimmy’s cock through his underwear.

“I bet he’ll want to suck your cock first,” Cas said.

Jimmy rolled his head, catching Cas’s lips with his own. He sighed when Cas licked at his lips, slipping his tongue inside. Cas did a good job of keeping him distracted, and Jimmy almost jumped when Cas’s hand slipped under his underwear and stroked his cock.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” Cas said against Jimmy’s lips. “Dean’s so good at sucking cock.”

Jimmy sighed. “Yeah, he is.”

“I bet you’d like to watch him suck me down, too.”

Jimmy nodded, kissing Cas again. Cas pulled Jimmy’s dick out of his underwear, stroking slowly with a loose fist. He pulled away, nibbling at Jimmy’s jaw. He stopped stroking Jimmy’s cock. Jimmy took that for what it was and started thrusting his hips upwards, fucking into Cas’s fist.

As if on cue, there was a knock on the bedroom door. “It’s just me,” Dean said from the other side. “I’m coming in.”

Jimmy answered with a groan and the door clicked as Dean walked through. Jimmy didn’t miss the wide-eyed stare Dean gave the two of them.

“Holy shit, guys, you couldn’t wait?” Dean asked. He was already tearing off his shirt.

“We thought you might like a little show,” Cas said before licking up the side of Jimmy’s neck.

Dean nodded. He licked his lips and dropped onto the bed on his knees. He scooted closer, cupping Jimmy’s chin in his hand. They kissed, Dean’s fingers trailing back to tangle in Jimmy’s hair. They pulled away and Cas leaned forward, catching Dean’s lips. Dean was more forceful with Cas, and he tightened his grip on Jimmy’s hair.

Jimmy dipped down to bite at Dean’s nipple and he cried out, even if it was muffled by Cas’s mouth.

“Shhh,” Jimmy said. “You’re gonna wake Claire if you keep that up.”

“It’ll be your fault,” Dean said.

Cas chuckled, now sucking a hickey into Dean’s neck.

“Did you remember to lock the door, Dean?” Jimmy asked.

Dean sighed. “I don’t know.”

Cas pulled off his neck. “You should go check.”

“But that requires getting up,” Dean whined.

“Would you rather be walked in on?” Cas asked.

Dean groaned. “Fine.” He pulled back and walked over to the door. He was already visibly hard in his jeans. Jimmy licked his lips and Cas let go of his dick.

Jimmy turned around to see Cas unbuttoning his jeans, shoving them down his thighs before flopping on his back on the bed and kicking them off. He’d lost his shirt somewhere along the way.

Cas stretched out on the bed, thumbing at the waistband of his underwear. Jimmy shimmied out of his own jeans and underwear before laying down across Cas’s thighs. He pushed Cas’s hands out of the way and began mouthing at his clothed cock.

Dean came back to the bed, naked as well this time. Jimmy’s eye caught the movement of him stroking his own cock. Jimmy groaned against the fabric covering Cas’s dick.

“Come here, Dean,” Cas said. The bed dipped under Dean’s added weight. Jimmy heard Dean groan, as he slipped Cas’s underwear down his tights. Jimmy licked up the shaft of Cas’s dick, flicking the head with short licks. Cas’s hips jerked and Dean groaned.

That’s when Jimmy looked up and saw Cas’s lips wrapped around Dean’s cock. He was bobbing back and forth slowly, taking Dean nearly to the root as he cupped Dean’s balls with his other hand.

“Fuck,” Jimmy whispered, taking Cas’s cock in hand and sucking on the tip. Cas moaned around Dean’s cock and Dean in turn shuddered. Jimmy chuckled to himself, leaning up on his elbows. He angled himself just right and swallowed Cas’s cock down, deep throating him.

Cas whimpered, letting out a choked moan.

“Fuck,” Dean swore.

Jimmy continued to bob up and down, taking Cas as far as he could before he had to pull off to breathe. Cas held him against his thigh, pulling off of Dean at the same time.

“Goddamn you two,” Dean whispered, pulling Cas into a harsh kiss.

Jimmy stroked Cas’s dick a few times, licking and sucking at his balls. Cas shifted beneath him, spreading his legs to give Jimmy more room. Jimmy’s hand trailed down Cas’s thigh, pausing at his hole. There was moisture there, and Jimmy ran his finger across it.

“Cas, did you prep before we even started?” Jimmy asked, looking up.

Cas nodded as Dean buried his face in Cas’s neck.

“Fuck, that’s so hot.” Jimmy’s tongue trailed down Cas’s thigh as he slipped a finger inside Cas’s hole.

Cas moaned when Jimmy slid another finger inside, rubbing his inner walls slow and firm.

“Which one of us do you want to fuck you?” Dean asked.

“Don’t care,” Cas sighed.

Jimmy and Dean locked eyes. He looked positively destroyed, his hair a mess and red, angry hickeys dotted all over his neck and shoulders.

“You wanna go first?” Jimmy asked.

Dean nodded, crawling on the bed towards Jimmy. They kissed, Jimmy’s fingers still buried inside his brother. Both Dean and Jimmy groaned when Jimmy crooked his fingers just right, making Cas moan and twitch underneath him.

Jimmy pulled his fingers out and moved towards the head of the bed, where Cas was waiting. Jimmy stroked his fingers through Cas’s hair, nibbling at Cas’s shoulders while Dean adjusted himself between Cas’s legs.

It was all heavy breathing and deep groans between Dean and Cas while Dean played with Cas’s hole, making sure he was adequately stretched. Jimmy dug around in the bedside drawer, retrieving the lube and passing it to Dean. Dean slicked himself, then stilled.

“You ready, babe?” He asked. Cas answered by hooking his legs around Dean’s back and Dean began to push in.

Cas tipped his head back, his mouth open and eyes shut tight as Dean pushed in. He was breathing hard through his nose, chewing at his bottom lip and Jimmy couldn’t resist leaning over and slipping his tongue inside his brother’s mouth. Their lips and tongues tangled together until they had to pull back, gasping.

Cas didn’t have much time to breath though, as Dean came down to slip his arms under Cas’s shoulder and suck at his lips.

Jimmy slid around behind Dean, his hands on Dean’s hips. Dean only had the chance to make a small murmur of a question before Jimmy was spreading his cheeks. Jimmy licked at Dean’s hole once and he shuddered, thrusting further into Cas.

“Sonofabitch,” Dean groaned.

Jimmy continued to lick at Dean’s rim, laving at it and pointing his tongue just enough to slip inside. He let go of Dean’s hips and stilled behind him, tongue still pointed and pushing into Dean’s hole. Dean must’ve got the picture, because he pushed back, slipping Jimmy’s tongue in further, before pulling back and thrusting back into Cas. Cas groaned.

Dean thrust his hips slowly, sighing as he did. Jimmy was content with the slow pace, even if holding himself up by his elbows was making his shoulders ache. As it went though, Dean seemed to grow frustrated, if the whimpering little groans he was making were any indication. He was hesitant, not thrusting too quickly into Cas or back on Jimmy’s tongue. Cas too was huffing, the one hand Jimmy could see clenching and unclenching in the sheets.

Jimmy sat back on his heels and Dean sighed.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked.

Jimmy just kissed his back, leaning over and grabbing the lube from where Dean had left it. He slicked up his fingers and rubbed Dean’s hole before sliding both fingers inside.

Dean groaned, looking over his shoulder. Jimmy kissed his neck.

“You can let go now, baby,” Jimmy said.

Dean did just that. He thrust into Cas hard, and they both moaned a little too loud. Dean went at it then, thrusting in and out of Cas and fucking himself on Jimmy’s fingers in hard, quick thrusts. He grunted with every push and Cas whined. It didn’t take long for Jimmy to slip a third finger inside Dean, spreading them in time with Dean’s slowing thrusts. He was getting frustrated again, but not frustrated enough to ask Jimmy to stop.

“I want to fuck you,” Jimmy whispered against Dean’s skin.

Dean shuddered and Cas moaned beneath him.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean said, his eyes drifting shut as he spoke.

Jimmy leaned over Dean, biting and kissing the back of his neck. Dean trembled, as Jimmy slicked himself up and lined his cock up with Dean’s hole. He pressed inside and waited for Dean to start thrusting into Cas before pushing back on Jimmy’s dick. Jimmy had to bite down on Dean’s shoulder to keep from wailing too loudly.

“That’s it, baby, just like that,” Jimmy whispered. He looked over Dean’s shoulder, taking his first glimpse of Cas since it started. Cas’s skin was flush, his eyes open wide and staring between Dean, Jimmy, and the ceiling. He was clutching Dean’s shoulders, and Jimmy stroked his arm as he whined a sharp, pitiful thing.

“How does it feel,” Jimmy asked, sucking on Dean’s earlobe “How’s it feel to fuck my brother while you fuck yourself on my cock?

Dean moaned. “God… good… so good.” He was panting now, his head tipped back and eyes shut.

“You gonna come, Dean? Gonna come inside Cas’s tight ass?”

“Yes,” Dean shuddered, His shoulders were shaking and his hips stuttered.

Jimmy pushed hard into Dean, and Dean’s eyes flew open, and Jimmy clamped a hand over his mouth as he cried out, spilling into Cas. Dean shook above Cas and Jimmy and Cas attacked his neck before finding each other’s lips.

Dean sighed, kissing each of the twins on the cheek. “Jimmy, babe,” Dean said, “I need to pull out, now.”

Jimmy pulled hiscock out of Dean and Dean pulled out of Cas. The two shifted on the bed, a little awkwardly, as Dean lay next to Cas and Jimmy saddled up between Cas’s legs.

“Jimmy,” Cas whispered, “It’s not gonna take much.”

Jimmy nodded, slipping into Cas’s hole. He was so wet and warm, filled with Dean’s come, and clenching against Jimmy’s cock.

“Yeah, me either, love,” Jimmy sighed. He didn’t need to wait, and he drove in and out fast and hard.

Cas reached up, wrapping his arms around Jimmy’s neck. Jimmy buried his face in Cas’s chest, pumping his hips in and out. He hadn’t realized how desperate he was to come until now.

A hand reached in between them, which he realized was Dean’s, and began stroking Cas’s cock. Cas gasped, his thighs hitching and body going taunt. It only took a few more strokes for his channel to clench tight around Jimmy’s cock and Cas tumbled over the edge, coming hard all over himself.

Jimmy wasn’t far behind. He bit down into the flesh of Cas’s chest, moaning as he gave a few harsh thrusts before he came.

It took both twins a few moments to catch their breaths before they rolled away from each other sprawling out on the bed.

“Holy shit,” Dean said.

Both Jimmy and Cas grunted in response. Dean, who was much more composed at that point than either of the twins, climbed out of bed to get a wash cloth. He cleaned up the three of them, kissing each twin gently before crawling back in bed.

“So, you think we can do that again?” Jimmy asked.

“Hell yeah,” Dean said.

Cas just rolled his eyes and kissed him.

After a few more sleepy kisses were exchanged between the three of them, they settled into bed, Jimmy in between both Cas and Dean, wrapped up warm and safe in their arms. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

* * *

 

Jimmy awoke alone in the middle of his messed-up bed. He blinked at the light coming in through the bedroom window and laying across his bed. It was too bright. He wanted to just curl back up in his bed, but, given that he was alone and it was at least morning, Cas, Dean, and Claire had to be up. And if Claire was up, that meant she’d be asking about him and very possibly trying to get into the room if no one was paying attention.

Grumbling to himself, Jimmy rolled out of bed and threw on his sleep pants. He needed a shower, but he needed to know where everyone else was first.

As he padded down the stairs he caught the sound of Dean’s boisterous laughter and Claire’s high-pitched giggling. Jimmy smiled to himself, following the noise to the dining room. Cas, Dean, and Claire were sitting at the table, a mountain of pancakes on a plate beside them, just talking and eating and laughing. Claire had syrup all over her face, but Dean wasn’t that much better, and Cas looked like he had flour or something in the tips of his hair.

Jimmy chuckled to himself. If anyone had told him a few months ago that he could have this, that this would be his family, he would have laughed in their face and called them and idiot. But this, well, it was absolutely perfect, and for the first time in way too long, Jimmy knew it was all going to be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for sticking with me. I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. (Well, maybe more actually ‘cause I cried in some parts.)  
> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated and if you wanna come chat at me, I’m [over here](https://jamesnovakwinchester.tumblr.com/) or [here](http://rosemoonweaver.tumblr.com/)on tumblr.  
> Also, go show the amazing artist some love [here!](https://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Want something to listen to while you read? I have a playlist I made while writing! (Look at how these themes match. It’s almost like I did it on purpose...)  
> 11 Blocks - Wrabel  
> Burning Desire - Lana Del Ray  
> Two Outta Three Aint Bad - Meatloaf  
> Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls  
> Bad Romance - Lady Gaga  
> Cleopatra - The Lumineers  
> Ditmas - Mumford and Sons  
> In My Veins - Andrew Belle  
> I Found - Amber Run  
> Hardest of Hearts - Florence + The Machine  
> Bedroom Hymns - Florence + The Machine  
> Fix You - Cold Play  
> Unsteady - X Embassadors  
> I Heard it Through the Grape Vines - Marvin Gaye  
> thnx fr th mmrs - Fall Out Boy  
> Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy  
> Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell  
> Let It Go - Birdy (and Rhodes)  
> Heal - Tom Odell


End file.
